A Girl and Her Blog

Reverse lists

2012-02-01T12:44:00.004-03:30

Im a list maker. Very much so. I feel more organized when I unload my brain onto paper and I seriously love the feeling of crossing things off a daily to-do list.

The issue I would always run into though is putting too many 'to-dos' on my list each day and then feeling like I've accomplished NOTHING because I only crossed off 25.

Im a little dramatic.

So recently I've discovered a new kind of list. Or rather, a backwards list.

Instead of starting my day with a long list of things I hope to accomplish, I instead write things down AS I accomplish them. When I finish scrubbing the kids' bathroom (...), I write it down. When I get home from picking up groceries, I write that down.

This method may seem a little pointless, but it satisfies my need to feel like Im accomplishing something without feeling like I wasted the day.

I still shoot for 32 items on my sheet by the end of the day, but if I don't reach that (and I rarely do) I can now look at a page full of things I DID accomplish and not feel guilty for those items I had hoped to.

Why 32?

I have exactly 8 hours from the time I get home after the morning school run to the time Jason walks through the door after work. If I allow 15 minutes per item, I should be able to accomplish 32 each day. I understand that grocery shopping is going to take many more minutes, but making all the beds will take less.

I also enjoy the feeling that comes with serving a hot dinner to my family each evening and for Jason to walk into the house during those final moments before I do. I can then relax and enjoy my family. My job is done. No folding laundry all evening or trying to organize my pantry.

Those are the things Ill leave for tomorrow.

Reverse lists work for me!

Snow Day

2012-01-31T11:01:00.004-03:30

Source

I heard yesterday that we were expecting 10cm of snow in our area today. This isn't much for us, but it registered in my mind. The school district has been leaning towards closing schools as opposed to keeping them open so far this year when it comes to weather, so I was sure to check their website before waking the kids today.

Even after dropping them off at school and coming home over slightly snow-covered roads, I was a little surprised that classes were going ahead. We've brought them to school in conditions so much worse than today. But I guess I just had a bit of intuition because I just saw on facebook that the schools are closing for the afternoon.

What gets me about these situations is that parents are now going to have to leave work and drive over busy, snowy roads to pick up their kids when they could have dealt with the situation this morning. For us, that would have meant staying home and digging out the driveway this evening when the snow stopped. Instead, we now have to risk snowy roads (albeit well-kept, snowy roads) to pick up kids after 2.5 hours of class.

Either way, I should be happy

It's a snow day!

My new obsession

2012-01-23T21:10:00.004-03:30

No, not Jason...

So something I haven't mentioned on here yet is that Jason and I are getting married. He proposed on December 9th and we quickly followed that up with ring shopping. He was able to pick up my engagement ring later in the month and we made it official on Christmas morning.

So now, ever since, I've been obsessed with wedding planning. We're getting married in the fall so there really isn't much time to put everything together. I know that many people have smaller engagements but some have much longer ones too!

Many of the vendors we've contacted were already booked for our date and we lost out on our chosen venue by two days. It's been tough. We've safely navigated through those problems and tomorrow will secure our reception venue. Until then, I'll leave you with some of my inspiration pics that I've been happily pinning!

Three year old love

2012-01-23T09:04:00.004-03:30

On Saturday, Owen was watching me get ready for his cousin's birthday party. Everyone else was ready and I was just finishing up my mascara when he starts in with "...go Mommy go! Go Mommy Go! Good job, Mommy."

Nothing like a little encouragement from a three year old.

So apparently I still have work to do

2012-01-18T09:16:00.009-03:30

Source

I thought that once I decided to come back to blogging and actually posted such on here that I would keep up with it. Daily. Uh? That was two days ago!

I started a post, got one paragraph in and then haven't been back since.

So, let's try this again. For at least this week and next, I have my mornings free to blog while the two littles are busy with their toys and things. I'll be sure to use this time to get back into the groove of writing blog posts.

As any blogger knows, writing for a blog is different than writing for another medium. Thinking in posts is something that happened to me when this little corner was being visited hundreds more times each day than it is now. Obviously, there's a correlation there somewhere! :)

My goal while I re-build is to post more often then once each day but for now, Ill settle for a regular morning post. Sound good?

Back

2012-01-16T11:29:00.003-03:30

It has obviously been awhile since I blogged regularly. Working full time outside the home proved to be more difficult than I had experienced before, especially without a partner.

Things are very different now in ways I can't begin to explain in a single post. So for now, I will say that I am back. I now have a large amount of time that I can work with to fit blogging into and I am excited to see what that means for this little old blog. My other blog decidedly domestic will also see some new activity as I pour a little more energy into preserving my family history and connecting with the online community that I cherish so much.

It's good to be back!

TEN?

2011-08-12T13:46:00.004-02:30

Where to even begin? There really is so much going on that I never really get around to writing about it, though I really WANT to!

I've actually resorted to typing this at work! It's a Friday afternoon and no other staff are here for the rest of the day, so I might as well. I'll have my work all finished by the time I go home, barring any unforeseen circumstances, so why not? :)

Micah's 10th birthday was this past Monday. Having a summer birthday has never been all that easy for him as he usually ends up not having a party at all or having it in a different month. This year we had planned to do a party in early July, right after school got out for the summer. Because of finances and our terrible weather this year (seriously) he agreed to postpone it. Fast forward to his actual birthday and he had other plans. No longer was he content with a party, now he wanted the MONEY that I would have paid for a party!!

Didn't happen.

Instead, I took a couple hours off Monday morning so we could be lazy. I made bacon and eggs at his request for breakfast and then took the kids to daycare. Early in the afternoon his Grandma (The Ex's mom) picked him up and spent the day shopping. He had spent the previous day with his dad's family where he received his gifts, so Grandma wasn't spending any more. Micah used all of his own money. He came home around 6 that evening and we headed out again with his friend Lucas to see a movie (Captain America, which sucked by the way). Then there was cake back at home but by that point I think we were all spent. I sent the littles to bed and Micah and I set up his new mini (I mean the 10.1") netbook. He skyped with Nanny (My mom who's currently living in the US) for awhile and then went to bed. All in all, I think he had an OK birthday. He was super excited about his gifts and had fun with everyone.

Now mama needs a glass of wine and maybe a pep-talk for getting through these next few pre-teen years.

Aware

2011-07-29T20:39:00.003-02:30

Though Ive been incredibly slack with my devotional time lately, I've noticed an increasing awareness of God in my everyday moments. It was only a little over a year ago that I began attending church again and 9 months ago that I fully committed myself to Christ. I've gone from living a life of anger, hate and hurts to truly knowing the grace of God and His peace that comes from a personal relationship with Him.

How truly blessed I am.

At least a hundred times each day I find myself face to face with His Truths, my sin, His Grace, my ugly, His Love, my inadequacy, His Teaching, my faults, His Peace. Everywhere I turn and in everything I do, there He is guiding me, teaching me, holding my hand. His gentle prodding has created a new me. Without my even being aware of it, I have become someone new.

Of course, I still have my faults. I am human and that is our nature. I yell and get angry more often than I should. I feel cheated and want to strike back when I feel someone is asking too much of me. I say 'no' when really all I should be saying is 'yes.' We are commanded to give of ourselves, to take up our cross. Follow the example of Jesus Himself.

I talked about this with my boys today after finding a blog post about the 'Duggar house rules.' In it they mention J.O.Y. : Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. Even in instructing my children, My God is instructing me. I am so thankful.

Where would I be if it weren't for His Grace? What would our lives be like today if He had given up on me all those years ago (when I gave up on Him)? This is why I praise Him with every breath. Of all the hurts in this world, I know for certain that He will walk with me, gently pushing in the direction I must go. Never again do I want to be blind to His direction.

busy

2011-06-13T21:00:00.004-02:30

Ive forgotten how hard it is to work outside of the home as a single parent. I've never actually done it before, always being either in school or living with someone. So ya, makes sense why I wouldn't remember. It's a tough situation made even worse by my crappy child care.

Im up at 6:30/7ish to get the older two and myself ready. We leave the house at 8. My goal every morning is to leave the driveway by 8:07, which usually happens, though certainly not every day. Then I have 23 minutes to drop the kids off to school and drive to the other side of our neighboring city to the church where I work.

I spend between 8:30 and 4:30 doing mostly admin work, which seems right up my alley but also a little beneath my qualifications. I have no idea how much education the pastors get but Im willing to bet that my 6 years of post secondary is probably more. Im the new person and technically only a temp so it can be rough. Most people are really great and if I can look past the normal human behavior (which does not exclude Christians) and the office politics, it's actually quite fun. There are days where there is almost nothing to do and I've occupied myself so far by cleaning out the supply/copy room, my filing cabinet and now the small groups resource room...there's probably a lot more time in my near future that could be spent this way but unfortunately Im running out of rooms to clean!

Anyway, I get off work at 4:30 and fight my way through highway traffic until I get home, usually around 5. There are a lot of days where I don't leave until 4:45 or so and then Im rushing all the more because Im sure my babysitter is eager to get home. Unfortunately when I do get home there is that much cleaning, mail, cooking, school papers/homework and children's needs to take care of, that I don't actually get to stop until I put them all in bed at 8:30. It's like I work a full two jobs every single day. And here Ive been trying to work out how to pick up a part time job to help pay the bills! Doubtful.

So here I am, at the end of one of these marathon days with two children still awake after 9pm and a mountain of laundry that should have been done on the weekend. Though Im tired, my work isn't done.

Last year when I worked outside of the home at the university, I don't remember being this stressed. I didn't take a lunch and therefore was able to leave at 3pm to pick up the kids from school. But I was also spending an extra hour each day driving Jason to and from work while we tried to get by with one vehicle. Supper still had to be cooked, cleaning still had to be done, homework and school papers still had to be completed. How did it all work then? I know Jason was here and he must have added some help but he wasn't one for doing those tasks. Maybe just by keeping the kids out of my hair he was allowing me to just move that much faster, thus being done at an earlier hour...who knew?

I didn't mean for this post to be complainy. That sucks. Ha! I kill me!

See how tired I am?

...and it's only Monday

may reads

2011-05-14T20:38:00.006-02:30

I never used to understand how people could read multiple books at one time, but it seems that Im now one of those people. I enjoy reading and have books that fit my many different moods. Somehow it works.

So what Im reading for the month of May (all pics from Amazon):

Of course my bible

I happend across this series a few months ago at our library and I really like it. Im actually sad when I have to wait to go get another one. Ive finished both of these this month and just dropped them back off. :(

This one is right up my alley in so many ways. Maybe it's my sociology coming out, or my work in female empowerment or possibly just my humanity. The statistics are blunt and the stories are both heart-wrenching and hopeful. Definitely a recommended read for anyone.

A friend sent this book to me. It's actually four books, and it's too bad the picture doesn't actually show how thick it is. I've read only the first book "black." Definity not something I would choose for myself, but it's well written and so I can see myself finishing it. Probably not this month though.

This is a book Im sure most people have heard of and recommend. I couldn't stand it. Maybe it's because I only gave it a couple of hours but it just didnt do it for me. I would return it to the library but I have no idea where it is...sucky because I just got an overdue notice.

These next few dont get read as often, but I keep around so Ill pick them up when the mood strikes.

As someone who has never read the entire bible, I like that this book points me to scripture I might not otherwise have read. It's an easy read too so it's nice to have in my purse for those unexpected moments with nothing to do.

I dont even know where to start with this one. Ive been reading it for months. Its heavy and contradicts some of my natural tendencies so it's something I dont usually grab. I do want to read it though, just not in a rushed way. It's the kind of book that deserves your full attention; kinda like when I was back at university and took a course in HKR...so much focus required!

Ive got a few of these books, each one focusing on a different aspect of mothering. I picked them up in Portugal though they're published in Canada. The conference I was speaking at was organized by the same people who are involved with this journal. Definitely academic.

My friend and co-worker gave me the next couple to read. I tend to put off those books that others recommend, given that everyone has different tastes. For this reason I've yet to open them. That will change tonight though given that Im down to only a few active books.

There's also a book that we're reading at work. I know I haven't yet discussed what it is Im now doing but Ill get to that in the next couple of days. The book is called "Incarnate Leadership" and we're almost through. We spend the first half hour of our weekly staff meetings doing a little study where we discuss each chapter. Being the new person and the lowest in rank, I dont contribute much. I would have added a pic, but blogger kinda sucks right now.

And that's it; my reading list. You're welcome :P

euphoria

2011-05-13T21:06:00.003-02:30

Maybe there's a silver lining in our monthly battle with pms.

A bit oxymoronic, isn't it? I know, but hear me out.

This week Ive been near tears on many occasions, Ive yelled at the kids, Ive fallen down the stairs (it was early morning and I was still half asleep), Ive gotten overly annoyed at the smallest things... this list could go on for awhile.

Today however, it seems the birds are singing and life is once again OK. The only difference is (TMI warning) that Im no longer dealing with the "pre" in pms. Im full into the "m" and couldn't be happier.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe my slant towards the super hormonal means that I just have it worse. I don't have a lot of physical symptoms (other than the sleeplessness) but the depression is a killer. Just last night I cried myself to sleep because of an irrational fear that I would die and my kids would become separated. Today? Im good. Its alll gooood. C'est la vie! The pressure that has bound me all week has been released and life is once again beautiful.

So I ask again; was going through this week worth this reminder of how good life can be?

Perhaps.

Just don't ask me again in three weeks.

Portugal

2011-05-03T21:04:00.009-02:30

Since Im so far behind in blogging, Ill try and get out a few posts before I loose the motivation again...though Im really not promising anything. < ----- Obvious negativity, not the best way to start writing :)

So. Portugal! It all seems so long ago that Im sure Id miss a lot of detail if I tried to actually recount it all, so lets look at some pictures, shall we?

Up there is the Castelo de Sao Jorge

And this is taken from the castelo de sao jorge of the place I was standing to take the other picture :D Over by the corner of the far away white building.

This man was good enough that I bought his CD...really enjoyed it; Pedro Godinho

Belem Tower

That would be me on the right

Monument to the discoveries

This is from Fado house #2

Estroil

Coffee kinda sucks

Off season in Cascais

Apparently

2011-04-28T19:32:00.003-02:30

when I actually have things to blog about (trip to Europe, meeting a new guy, breaking up with new guy, A child's birthday and party, finishing a 5 year project and finding a new job), I dont feel like writing? Odd...

January's Facebook Status Updates

2011-03-14T23:38:00.003-02:30

At the end of 2010 I used an app on facebook that took a random sample of my status' throughout the year and put them into a collage. I thought it was really neat to be able to look back at the day to day and so I've decided to record my status updates here. These are from January of this year. I guess for those of you who use twitter, this would be the same idea.

January 1
Cant keep doing this alone. What happens when I mess up? Who's there to take up the slack? Im just not strong enough to carry this whole load on my own.

January 3
Wants to Scream!

January 3
Is it bedtime yet?

January 4
The boys aren't allowed to play video games until after lunch so they're going around with a playstation controller pretending to control each other's movements.

January 5
I know I should be doing something...

January 6
What's with everyone having had a crappy sleep last night? At least Im not the only one

January 7
TGIF, have some sick little boys today...everyone of them is either throwing up or sneezing on everything. Somehow I dont think Im going to get through this without getting something myself.

January 8
It finally looks like winter in NL

I feel like I should be doing something just because the boys are gone for the night, but it's so cold outside that I just want to wrap myself in a blanket and read a book. I think Im a 27 year old spinster.

January 9
Now we're all sick :( Always happens when I haven't gone shopping in awhile and the house is already messy. Just gotta survive today...

January 10
Thankfully I was able to sleep last night but Im still feeling gross while all the boys are better and hyper. This is horrible.

this is worse than labour

What a day, even when Im sick! Old drama from years ago brought back again and an offer to go to Portugal for work.

January 11
Me: "Jamie, why are you in your brother's bed?" Jamie: "Because my brother's squishy."

January 12
Wishing this flu would go away....I was almost better yesterday and here it is back again

January 14
Woke up at 6:45 to my neighbour snowblowing my driveway...he didn't even have his done yet. And thanks to my daddy and brother, I now have snow tires on the van...just in time! It's amazing how many people have helped me out in the last couple of days.

is heading to Portugal in a month....craaaaaazy

January 15
wishing my body would get the memo...its been a week, get over this flu already!

not a fan of this whole being single thing

January 16
sitting here waiting for my belly to settle so we can get ready for church.

early bedtime tonight....these kids have been fighting me and each other all day!

January 17
After 8 days, Im finally feeling almost normal today! Yay!

Back from a movie date with my Micah...he's so grown up!

January 19
Looking at flights for Portugal...this is gonna wear me out! Its like 36 hours of travelling, there and back.

Mmm hot chocolate with rainbow marshmallows

January 20
Needs 50 word bio by tonight...help! Im terrible at writing about myself.

haha you can tell that my kids go to a middle class school...the principle sent home a pamphlet asking for donations to a silent auction. Suggestions? Flat screen tvs, a week at a vacation home in Florida or other destination, IPADS, netbooks...

January 21
Jeez only on a Friday! The doors were frozen on the van this morning and instead of waiting for me, the kids thought yanking on the handle would help...nope, it snapped off instead. We musta looked funny at that "middle class" school when the kids had to climb through to the front door :P

having doubts that I can learn enough Portuguese in 4 weeks...total words so far? 3

Mothering and Motherhood in the 21st century: Research and Activism, February 18-19 Lisbon, Portugal...so freaking excited!

January 22
Cant wait for girls night tonight! Great friends, great food and....glow golf? hehe...gonna be fun!

January 23
Putting the kids to bed and having a quiet night at home...feels like this weekend flew by!

January 24
Oh what a Monday! Toilet training 2 little boys, driving people around 4 separate times, baking 5 dozen cinnamon buns and trying to learn Portuguese...eek!

January 25
Freezing! Wish I wasn't scared to light a fire, that was always Jason's department.

I hope Jamie is feeling better for mom n me tomorrow...poor little guy had a fever tonight and went to bed at 6

January 27
The boys school is closing in 20 minutes because of impending weather and now I have to get all four little ones into the van and hope that Micah's class is back from his field trip...yuck

has no desire to get involved in church politics. It's sad but I feel like Im either being asked to pick sides, being very obviously ignored/looked down upon or getting asked personal questions that have nothing to do with those asking them. I go to church to worship, learn and spend time with other Christians, that's it. A very kind thank you to those few who have worked to make my family feel welcome.

January 29
trying to put together a menu plan for the kids while Im in Portugal is insanely hard...there's very few meals that they will all eat. Suggestions appreciated!

Ive done it! Roasted chicken with homemade fries two separate nights, cheese eggs, pancakes with bacon, frozen homemade soup (for 2 kids and frozen pizza for the others), chicken burgers or hot dogs and one night of take out....not too bad :) and wont cost me a fortune!

so.cold.

Saturday night seems like a crappy time to be writing about research activities facilitating community engagement and activism...

January 31
home with some sick little boys today :(

"I have never loved so fiercely something that was capable of being this annoying" -Sundry

Eu sou perdido. Onde está o banheiro? Translation= Im lost. Where's the bathroom? hehe, should probably memorize this one

*I never want to forget the conversation from January 11, it still makes me laugh!

Keeping meal times interesting

2011-03-03T13:18:00.004-03:30

Mommy Daisy wrote yesterday about being in a food rut and I totally know where she's coming from. I've had trouble adjusting to cooking for just the kids and I, now that Jason has moved out and am often faced with hungry kids and no plan.

I joined the discussion in her comments but that got me to thinking about what strategies I use to keep things interesting.

1. Plan
There really is no substitute for planning your meals and snacks when you have a family. Simply put, it's cost effective and efficient and can save your sanity too. That being said, I don't subscribe to the notion that in planning your meals you can't be flexible. For me, that really IS key.

2. Keep it simple
I plan for easy, simple meals whenever our schedule requires it. I really don't want to spend the little money we do have on take out or dining out so having go-to meals helps with that. You can use freezer cooking to have handy meals in your freezer, keep a stocked pantry with your family's favorites or think outside of the box a little.

A couple of months ago my kids were asking for McDonalds after church. Instead, I brought them to the grocery store and we picked out some fruits, yogurt and a treat. We talked about the price difference, health difference and even taste difference. My kids all agreed that the grocery store lunch was the much better option.

Another strategy I've been using lately is creating a snack tray that we can nibble at our leisure, instead of a formal lunch. This is really only for Sunday afternoons and since my boys are with their dad every other Sunday, they only get this twice each month, making it a treat. The picture below is from the first time I created such a tray and I can tell you that it was waaaay too much food! There's cheese, apples, carrots, grapes, crackers, tortilla chips/salsa and some rather boring sandwiches. If I were to do this one again, Id cut out the crackers and make the sandwiches a little more interesting.

3. Have fun with it

If you find yourself making the same old things then try to add a little fun to your routine. Create themed meals around certain days, countries or even colors. Try eating breakfast for dinner or dinner for breakfast. Serve dessert WITH dinner, just because.

And if you're really out of ideas, ask your kids. They're always full of creative suggestions that Im sure you never would have considered otherwise.

Two Weeks

2011-02-28T10:09:00.003-03:30

It's been a full two weeks since I've written anything and for once, I don't care :)

I got back from Portugal in the wee hours of Wednesday morning and was up 3.5 hours later looking after my kiddos (who had the day off of school) and my nephews. I was tired!

I did pretty well, if I do say so myself and made it through until the weekend when I slept in and finally got around to cleaning up the house. It wasn't too bad when I came home but three days of survival mode sure made it that way.

Now the weekend is over and we're back to our usual schedule. Portugal was amazing and even though I was only there for five days, I felt like it was more than enough time away. I missed my guys like crazy and was getting a little too used to the city (having the same cab driver two separate nights kinda tells ya something)!

My pictures are all on another computer so Ill have to find some time to transfer those and post a review of my trip this week. Until then, Ill be writing about the flop that was February (in terms of budgeting) and whatever else comes to mind.

Tchau!

Another week without progress

2011-02-14T10:16:00.004-03:30

Oh, how I hate reporting bad weeks! It's probably the reason why I stayed away from challenges and link ups for the past couple of years.

Anyway, this week was a dud. I spent a whopper of an amount at the grocery store, but did end up earning a little more than 140 air miles and coupons for 10 cents off each litre at the gas station. Those combined will save me about $28 ($23 in grocery certificates from air miles and $5 in gas).

I also redeemed 450 swagbucks for $5 at amazon.ca. I earned all of these in the past month which is much faster than the year it took me to earn the last 450. Being in Canada, most things on swagbucks aren't available for me so I earn most of my bucks from playing tournament games. It works for mindless entertainment when the kids go to bed! I plan to keep earning swagbucks until I have about $30 at amazon.ca so that I can order a couple of books and get free shipping. One of the books will be for my mom's mother's day gift, so I've got to get playing. :)

The kids had two birthday parties this week to attend and I spent a total of $16.13 on gifts. One gift was from our stash and we re-used a gift bag with some tissue I had. I attached one of the 'cards' that I bought last year at the dollar store. They are probably more for teachers as they're just printed card stock with the name of the child and their birth date, but when I can buy a stack of 30 for $1, I really don't care! The other gift was a gift card for the local movie theatre worth $15 and a card to put it in. The girl was turning 10 and had a dance party so I thought this was more appropriate than something from our stash.

I leave tomorrow for a week in Portugal and Im doing everything I can to make it CHEAP! The travel and hotel are covered by my work and I received a $500 advance to cover meals and taxis. I spent a good portion of this on groceries for the kids while Im gone and meals at school. The lunches alone are costing $40 and that's only for 4 days! Im so glad I don't have to deal with those prices normally.

Anyway, I plan to visit a grocer when I get to Portugal to stock up on bottles of water and munchies. Breakfasts are covered at the hotel and lunches will just be quick snacks, if I can find them. I'll probably have to spend dinners as social gatherings with my co-workers so those are the meals I plan to eat out for. Our hotel is within walking distance of the conference and only about 5km from the airport. I will definitely be taking public transportation downtown to see the tourist stuff but hopefully Ill be sharing with a co-worker or be able to figure out the buses. All together, Im hoping to not go over the $500 for all of my expenses relating to this trip. Wish me luck!

Songs for each Baby

2011-02-09T11:19:00.001-03:30

Source

Im a singer. Not a terribly good one, but in the eyes of my boys, Im a singer. Ever since they were small I've been singing to them pretty much daily.

Sometimes the songs are made up and silly and sometimes they're heartfelt and soulful. I guess it just depends on my mood.

What's neat is that with each boy, I had a favorite song that I sang to them from birth. Now along with their first year scrap books and little hair clippings, they have a "uniquely theirs" song.

For Micah it was a song we sang in church a lot while I was pregnant with him and then in the month after he was born. The week after he was dedicated we moved to our current province and I haven't heard the song since. I can't even find it online! Anyway, it was "Who is like Thee?" and I think I chose it for him because it reminded me of his name:

Micah \m(i)-c ah\ as a boy's name (also used as girl's name Micah), is pronounced MYE-cah. It is of Hebrew origin, and the meaning of Micah is "who resembles God?". Variant of Michael. Biblical: a prophet and writer of the Book of Micah.

For Noah, it was the ABCs. I have no idea why, but isn't it ironic that he didn't learn his letters until 6.5? He also had a few others, but maybe since his dad had him most often, we didn't get into anything deeper?

For James it was "You are my sunshine." How fitting, since he was 6 months old when Chris moved out. I still sing this one to him, and he loves it.

Owen's is "Twinkle Star," as he calls it. Whenever he is hurt or feeling sooky he asks me to sing it to him. Occasionally he'll allow me to sing something else, but this is pretty much THE ONLY song he likes. Silly guy. He wouldn't let me sing anything to him his first year or so and then he fell in love with this song.

The saved quarter challenge:laundry

2011-02-07T12:42:00.003-03:30

Penny is talking about ways to save money on laundry over at The Saved Quarter this week and I have to admit, there are a few things that I could improve on.

I already use only cold water, use less detergent than recommended, wear my clothes 2-3 times before washing them and do all of my laundry back to back.

I am guilty though of forgetting about a stray load in the washing machine and having to re-wash it later and I have never used a clothes line. It's too cold here now to get much dried outside, but I think I may actually use one come spring. I have one in the back yard and I have clothespins, I've just never bothered.

I also plan to look into the dryer ball that Penny recommended. Owen has extremely sensitive skin and unless I can find some alternative to sheets or bars, my clothes will continue to be static.

But for what I AM doing and have been doing for awhile, that wasn't mentioned? I buy up detergent when it's on a deep sale. Last month I bought four bottles of the detergent that we use at $2.99 each. Given my son's sensitive skin, I have to buy a brand that is a bit more expensive than the others and so this was a great deal! Each bottle lasts about a month and that's for my family of 5, plus my brother's laundry. Four months of expensive detergent for $12 is my way to save a little on laundry. What's yours?

Student of the Week

2011-02-07T11:55:00.001-03:30

So close....!

2011-02-06T17:51:00.001-03:30

A couple weekends ago, while watching me fold laundry Owen told me he wanted to wear underwear. So on they went!

He did fairly well in the days following but by the next weekend we had gone back to diapers, mostly because of poor planning from Mom. I didn't pack a bag with enough underwear and pants for Owen's night with his dad so there wasn't much that could be done. Then with Jamie being so sick, I just left it.

During, the last couple of days, Owen has again initiated the training on his own. While wearing a diaper, he came running to me and told me he needed to go to the toilet, then insisted on underwear! He is at the point now where he usually stops the pee as soon as he feels the wetness in his underwear, and comes to tell me. It's enough pee that he needs to be changed, but not enough that I'd consider it peeing in his pants. He's doing well, and all I've had to do is be willing to take him to the bathroom and wash all those clothes :)

Maybe I've actually learned a thing or two after training those three other boys!

Snow Days

2011-02-05T08:30:00.001-03:30

What is there to do on days when it looks like this outside?

Four silly preschoolers make their own fun!

Dollar Store Fun

2011-02-04T21:09:00.001-03:30

A few months ago while browsing the craft aisle at Dollarama, I noticed these felt boards:

You might notice that both the snowman and person are wearing summer clothing in a winter scene and that there is a rather strangely dressed person labelled "zoo." To explain, I bought three sets, a winter one, a camping one and a zoo one. Then I dumped all the little felt pieces into a large ziploc together and let the kids go with whatever they come up with.

The first one here was done by my 4 year old nephew and the second was done by 6 year old Noah (who also took the photo). He thought it was hilarious that the person was in a zoo with 3 suns (notice how he used fire?). My nephew got a kick out of using a scarf to look like a giant mushroom on top of a mountain and dressing a snowman in overalls.

So much fun for $6, which satisfies my desire to live a frugal life this year and gives the kids something to do when winter boredom hits.

Is it giving up...

2011-02-04T10:29:00.004-03:30

...if I cut the pantry challenge short to take advantage of a special offer at a local grocery store?

I was going to shave off a few days anyway because Ill be leaving for Portugal the day the pantry challenge was to end, but I think I've given up already. A local store is offering 100 airmiles if I spend $400 before February 17. I received the email weeks ago and at the time, didn't think I'd actually do it, but given that I've spent $100 there so far, maybe I should just go for it.

For reference, 120 airmiles is good for a $20 gift certificate at the same store. I'd be collecting the usual 20 airmiles for that $400 spent, plus the bonus $100, so in essence I'd be getting $20 to do this.

Now obviously, I don't plan on just spending the money to get the discount, regardless of the cost of the items Im buying. THAT would be silly. The $100 that I've already spent was only on sale items and given that there are two separate sale weeks left, I could probably stock up pretty well on the sales offered this week and next.

To make it easier, I stumbled across Life As Mom's free budget staples check list this morning. I guess I didn't really stumble, as I subscribe to her via google reader, but whatevs. Now I can go though the store's flier, look up relevant coupons and check things off the list as I go. If all goes right, I can stock the house for the week that Ill be in Portugal and build my pantry staples, lowering my grocery bill for March and April.

Whatd'ya think?

Je m'appelle James

2011-02-02T20:24:00.001-03:30

Friday was Jamie's first day of Kinderstart. He was sick so it was a little tough for him to get excited but we had been talking about it for weeks and he woke up knowing what day it was.

I had my cousin come over to watch the little ones and headed out just Jamie and I for some big school fun. He didn't stop talking the entire drive! When we got in the school, we found name tags on all the lockers, so it was easy to locate his new classroom.

I had him find his name and stand in front for a picture. Poor guy was really not in the best of health, but you can see the excitement in his little face :)

When the teacher opened the door, we all went in and greeted her, then found a seat to read some books that were spread out on the tables. It's so neat to see who's going to be in his class next year! At our table we had Owen and Isaac and it'll be interesting to see if they become friends down the road.

Madame introduced herself and asked all the kids to join her at the front of the class. I was happy to see that James didn't hesitate. As is usual, he talked almost non-stop while she was talking and was very active in participating. Owen and Isaac were also very active and Im sure they'll be a tough little bunch!

We made snowman pictures and the kids sang songs and listened to a story read by Madame. Then we got to bring home a bag FULL of goodies (books, paint, modelling clay, crayons, pencil, construction paper, journal, scissors, glue stick).

Then, being one who normally feels guilty about not spending enough time with each child, thought I'd take advantage of the alone time with my 3rd and bring him to McDonalds.

It was a good day and one I hope to repeat with the other four kinderstart sessions this year.

The Saved Quarter Challenge, January Recap

2011-02-01T10:55:00.008-03:30

Oh how I don't want to write this post!

I've done terribly this month and as much as I want to blame it on a stomach bug that had me on the couch for a week or the actual FLU that has gone through three children, making going out very difficult, I can't. Im definitely not blameless in my utter failure this month, seeing as how I went out with friends twice and had non-budgeted takeout three times.

So the numbers: (forgive me, I've forgotten all of my HTML)

____________Budgeted__________ Actual __________Difference
Rent ........................1400 ..............................1400 .................................0
Renter’s Insurance .26................................. 25.67............................. -0.33
Vehicle Insurance ..317................................. 317.................................. 0
Power .....................250................................ 200................................ -50
Communications ...150................................. 100 ................................-50
Food/Household ...300 ..............................424.62........................... +124.62
Gas ..........................120.............................. 156.50............................ +36.50
Kids’ Allowances.....67..................................... 0................................... -67
School...................... 40................................. 34.45............................. -5.55
Birth/Holidays......100................................ 10.37............................. -89.63*
Giving.......................88.................................. 109................................. +21*
Micah’s Cell.............22.................................... 18................................... -4
My Spending...........25.............................. 169.85.............................. +144.85
Bank Fees................10................................ 22.06.............................. +12.06

Totals.................... 2915..................... 2987.5................. +72.52

Total Income 3469

Total Debt payment 480 (pretty much all of this went to family members that I owed money to)

Discussion

Power/Communications, I reduced these to cover other costs during the month. Yes this is a slippery slope as now I have to come up with the short fall next month. I realize how crappy this is.

Food/Household, Given my friend's post last week where she did a little experiment and found that Canadians pay more than double for the same grocery items as Americans, Im a little happier about this number. There was about $50 spent in take out this month that I'd like to avoid next month and I know I could have done better with sales. There's still two weeks of the pantry challenge left so maybe that will help.

Gas, public transportation has been on strike since November so I've been driving a little over 50km each day to drive my brother to and from his university. Thankfully the drivers went back to work yesterday so my gas costs should decrease. To be fair, he did pay a large amount towards his gas usage, but it didn't quite cover it.

Kids' Allowances, The kids and I discussed how we'd have to look at their allowances and how much we were spending on school things (thanks to Penny's suggestion) to rethink their amount. For now they understand that they're in transition and so I haven't paid anything in allowances. Micah ordered a chess game for his phone and thanks to a $30 start-up credit he had some money left over. He decided to put this towards his allowance as well as a book order. There have been a couple trips to the store in which I gave them a bit of change as well. That money was added to the household budget.

School, See above

Birthdays/Holidays, this category was supposed to grow each month with whatever wasn't spent on birthdays so that by the end of the year, I had some to put towards Christmas. Instead I had to take the money from here to cover other costs discussed below. We did have three family birthdays this month, a schoolmate's birthday and I bought my nephew's gift early. All of that for a little over 10 dollars is pretty good if you ask me! I did it by cooking/baking things for my family members on their birthdays and using our gift stockpile for the schoolmate's birthday. All I really had to buy were a few ingredients and my nephews gift which was on clearance for $5.

Giving, This category is a little muddled as I discovered that I haven't been paying anything to The Mercy House. I need to look at what happened and send 5 months worth in February which would mean 125. I gave a little more at church and sent some money for my sponsored child's birthday this month though, so that's why this is higher than budgeted.

Micah's cell, Due to the start up credit, I only had to purchase a smaller prepaid card this month so that his credit wouldn't expire. Ill be doing this until the credit is used.

My spending, Oh this is where I hate to give details! Im going to Portugal this month and so I decided that shoes without large holes were a bit of a priority, since Ill be doing a lot of walking. I was able to buy some for $25 as well as a winter jacket for $39 because mine has been worn out for years. Without Jason to shovel the driveway, I realised that Ill be spending a lot more time outside in the cold this year, which made the jacket a necessity. Then there were the books I picked up for my trip and the two girls nights which involved restaurants/movie/coffee shop. For all of this, I think I still did fairly well at keeping the costs down. Plus I have a free admission to the theatres that I bought at a reduced rate with my meal. I can use this for a future girls night or a gift!

Bank fees, I never have to pay extra fees! This month though due to poor planning I had a bunch! Totally have to fix this in February.

I'll be posting a revised budget for February tomorrow and you can be sure it'll include some of the lessons I've learned in January.

Having a Sleep Over at Home

2011-01-31T09:37:00.001-03:30

Owen was with Jason Friday night and Micah was sleeping over at his cousin's, so Noah, Jamie and I decided to have a big sleep over in the living room. We put down a bunch of blankets under each boy to make the hardwood floor a little less hard and then folded down the couch for mom. She's a little too old for sleeping on the floor :P

Before he fell asleep, Jamie came up onto the couch, where he proceeded to try and push me off the entire night. It was a great time with my middle two, who are probably the two that get the least attention from mama.

Remember when I said things weren't cheap here?

2011-01-30T08:34:00.003-03:30

A friend of mine did a comparison shop of grocery prices in the USA and Canada with basic items that most people buy.

It's really unbelievable how much more Canadians pay for their groceries and Im even willing to bet that the prices are even higher in my province. I know at least that milk costs double here as it does in Ontario.

Seriously, go check it out! Your mind will be blown!

Avoiding Wasteful Spending

2011-01-29T19:57:00.004-03:30

One day a few weeks ago, I received all of these coupon books in the mail. Sure, those coupons could save me a few dollars if we were to eat out but if I didn't have the coupons, I probably wouldn't go there anyway. It seems like having coupons for 'buy one get one free meals' or whatever else, makes me WANT to buy whatever it is. Like my mind thinks it will be such a good deal and I'd be wasting it if I let the coupon expire. Plus nothing in those restaurants is healthy.

So, when those things come in the mail, unless it's something that Im planning to spend my money on anyway, they go right in the recycling.

What are some ways that you avoid wasteful spending?

sickness, trip planning, budget issues

2011-01-25T10:12:00.004-03:30

....and I was doing so good at posting nearly every day.

Oh Well

That nasty bug stayed with me for an extra week after everyone else was feeling better. I'd wake up feeling horrible and through out the day, it would get tolerable, to the point that by dinner time I was fine. At least it's gone now.

---------------------------------

I got a call from my boss a couple weeks ago asking if I could be ready to be backup for a conference in Portugal in February. I didn't have a passport but my work was willing to cover the cost, so I thought, why not? Well, after about a week of being not sure, it turns out that I AM going:

Mothering and Motherhood in the 21st Century: Research and Activism,

February 18 and 19, Lisbon Portugal

How cool is that?

Our project's Lead Researcher will also be there so I have to attend her presentation and then Ill be speaking, along with my boss, at the session following. Otherwise, I don't know how much I'll need to attend, but I am so excited to see a little Europe in the process!

Thankfully, I have some wonderful people around me that are going to take over the childcare while Im gone. It'll be about 5.5 days that Ill be away, including travel and for a single mom, that could be really difficult to pull off. Instead, I have four people taking various shifts to make sure the kids are well looked-after. Without them, I would never be able to take advantage of such an opportunity.

But that brings up some difficult issues regarding my budget. I've not done nearly as well this month as I would have liked so I was hoping to make up for it in February. Not gonna happen. My trip is covered in that I don't have to worry about flights or hotels, and I get a daily allowance for transportation/food. What's missing from that? Childcare. Two of the four people who will be looking after the kids will need to be paid, and well. There are two full days and nights of all four children, and two full days and nights of two children. I have no idea what is reasonable for each person, but it isn't going to be cheap. Add to that, I'll be missing out on three days of babysitting money and I don't have much of a chance to save anything in February.

One way Im trying to reduce expenses is to think of easy, cheap meals to leave for whoever is looking after the boys at dinner time each night. My brother isn't much of a cook and so I know he'll most likely open a box of kraft dinner or order something. My cousin is more of a baker, but when she cooks it involves more expensive items, as she doesn't have any children. Id appreciate any suggestions of easy, cheap meals that wont be a chore and that my kids will eat! Now if that isn't a tall order....

I think Ill leave a little money for pizza one night and thaw out a chicken in the fridge for another. I've taught my brother how to roast a chicken and it's one of the few things all the kids will eat. I just have to find one on sale between now and then. It's funny; when it's just me to menu plan, grocery shop and cook, I don't worry as much. But knowing that someone else is going to have to do it, Im scared that I wont have enough food in the house and they'll all starve!

There's also the worry of school. Do I keep them out during the 3 school days Ill be gone or do I try to navigate homework, lunches and pick-up/drop off times with a babysitter? My cousin will most likely have them during those school days and she has picked them up for me before, so I know she could pull it off, but it's a stress Im not sure I want to deal with. If they stay home, that's more work for the babysitter. If they go to school, Ill have to send in a note to their teachers explaining why homework isn't getting done, set up hot lunches with their teachers before I leave and leave detailed instructions about drop off in the morning. Ack, I so don't know what to do!

Anyway, that's what's going on here. We're getting through the cold winter and Owen has decided to potty train, but that's a post for another day.

Sick

2011-01-11T10:02:00.005-03:30

It was a tough weekend. I couldn't get out the the grocery store until the boys left Saturday evening at 5, and then my brother asked if I'd wait until the following morning so that he could go with me. Mistake. I woke up at 5am with horrible stomach pains that lasted for about 36 hours. I could barely move. This was the worst sickness ever to hit me.

Somehow the kids, with the exception of Noah, all got over it within a couple of hours. Their dad told me that Saturday night they had each woken up throwing up and so at 7:30am, Micah called to say they were coming home. This, might I remind you was only a couple hours after it hit me. I was not in the proper shape to look after children, but what could I do? So they came home and they were FINE! It was much better that way because they were able to help each other with getting drinks and snacks through out the day. Jason kept Owen (who also woke up Sunday throwing up) until late Sunday night and he was sleeping when Jason carried him in. That was a life saver. Jason also stopped by the convenience store and grabbed a couple of things to keep us going around here. If not for his help in keeping Owen and picking up those few groceries, I don't know what I would have done.

Monday, my SIL called and said she wasn't bringing the boys over because she was sick. That was great because it allowed me a couple extra hours in bed, which was the only place I still felt human. I drove my brother to school and picked him up later, then went to the grocery store. By the time I got home, I was in tears, my stomach pains were so bad. That's when I commented on facebook that it was worse than labor. It had been going on for so long, that I was just exhausted.

In the two days that I was sick I was able to eat an apple, two pieces of toast and some chips that Micah brought me. The apple was on Sunday, the other things were Monday. I think getting some food into me helped, but I know I wouldn't have been able to keep anything else in. Horrible, horrible. Even liquids were a challenge. Over the two days I drank two glasses of watered down ginger ale. That's all the fluids I had...so I know Im definitely dehydrated.

Today Micah and Noah are home from school and my nephews are here, both of whom are sick themselves. Im still queasy but not like I was.

Just gotta keep going.....

Randomness

2011-01-07T10:49:00.004-03:30

Noah was throwing up all last night. NOT FUN!

My nephews showed up this morning with coughs and sniffles

Micah is still in bed (it's nearly 11) complaining of being really tired and having a headache

Owen is covered in snot. I seriously just can't keep up with it.

James and I are outnumbered and Im just praying that we get through the next couple of days without coming down with something ourselves. At least they're all at their dads' this weekend so I can either a) clean the house and get some groceries in preparation for being sick or b) hunker down in bed with a couple of novels and a bottle of Gatorade. We'll see.

...................................

Yesterday I stopped to get gas before dropping my brother off at his school. I got home about an hour later and realised that I didn't have my wallet. Without even having to think about it, I knew I had left it on top of the garbage bin at the gas station. I remembered putting it there and thinking to myself that I had to get it before getting back in the van. Thankfully it was exactly where I had left it with everything still inside. Amazing!

Birthday Party Planning

2011-01-06T17:43:00.003-03:30

Im enjoying this wonderful hiatus from planning yet another birthday party. My children all have birthdays from April-November, leaving 5 wonderful months (with the exception of Christmas) where I don't have to PLAN for anything big.

Noah's will be coming up next and although Im thinking about his birthday, Im not actually planning it, yet.

He's requested a candy land theme where the guests can feel like they're really playing the game. I had thought about doing the same thing for Jamie's 4th birthday but then decided against it due to the huge amount of work. Since Noah is turning 7 and will have actual friends from school to invite, I thought this might be the right birthday for it.

I stumbled upon this birthday party planning page and although it's not quite detailed enough for this party, it could work well for future ideas.

So far, all I've got worked out is:

that it should be held somewhere big like a local hall or something
I could use cardboard and paint giant squares to make a path
Id like to give out a candy land game to each child instead of a loot bag and so I've started to collect coupons from cereal boxes for $5 off each game. I know I can find candy land for around $10 so if I can get enough coupons, I think it would be reasonable.

Ive started to collect websites and pictures of other candy themed parties as well. I don't want ot get too heavy into the specifics of it just yet, but it does seem like a huge endeavor and so I should probably start in the next month or so.

What about you? Do you plan big parties or prefer more intimate ones? Or even better, do you have any ideas I could use?

Free Day

2011-01-06T17:05:00.003-03:30

So today went well, food wise. I had made an extra egg salad sandwich yesterday for Micah to bring to school for lunch today but then realised this morning that he had both ice cream for snack and pizza for lunch (the school offers pizza every other week and ice cream one morning each week). Instead of having to count out my change for the $3.00 to cover both items, I found an envelope already written out for ice cream, with Micah's name on it and money in it from last term. I guess there was a day he missed? Anyway, so free snack today for him and only $1.50 for his lunch.

Then my nephews showed up with Koolaid Jammers for themselves and my littles, so they had them this morning with their snack, stretching my juice an extra day. For lunch we had the last of the homemade mac and cheese, but the kids weren't too fussy on it. They mostly filled themselves on bread, but that's about normal for the four and under set. If we had any peanut butter left, Im sure they would have slathered that on!

My ex mother in law called the other night and I totally forgot until this afternoon that she was taking the boys today. Their cousin is visiting from another province and since his birthday is coming up, Grandma decided to have a little party with all the cousins. They'll be returning after supper, sometime. Which just means that I don't have to make supper and instead Owen just ate a cheese and mustard sandwich (he insisted!)and I had that egg salad one from yesterday.

I haven't added up the receipts yet, but tomorrow will mark a week into this challenge and I've spent no where near my limit. I AM trying to build a stockpile though and given the sales that will be in place starting Friday, Im sure Ill have no problem spending the money. At the end of these 6 weeks, I plan to have used up the few things that remained in my deep freeze and pantry and have a whole new stockpile to allow continued frugality in my shopping.

Breaking Down my Income

2011-01-06T11:30:00.003-03:30

So I've mentioned that what I classify as income includes my Canada Child Tax Benefit/Childcare Allowance (CCTB), child support and WAHM income. Total they equal $2675:

$871 income

$400 child support

1404 CCTB

If you've been reading this last week then you know that I have a short fall every month, with this money alone. So in comes my money making endeavors:

$350/month renting out a bedroom

$800/month babysitting

These are the things that I currently do to boost my income by up to $1150/month. I say "up to" because babysitting can change depending on how many working days are in the month, holidays and days off for my SIL.

If I was taking in kids other than my nephews, I'd charge more than the $40/day that I receive now, but seeing as how my SIL watched Owen for me last year for the same rate of pay while I worked, Im good with this amount. I work from home, as the children allow. Adding in two more children similar in age to my littles, hasn't seemed to disrupt things too much. I can bring them with me to pick up the biggs from school and they have lots of things to play with here that are age appropriate. When I work on school-type things with Jamie, I include the other two as well.

We live in a four bedroom house and to some people that would mean that we either do not have enough bedrooms or that we have just the right amount. With the set-up of this house though, there's three bedrooms on the top floor and one on the bottom. It's a four-level, side-split so there's really only a floor and a half between them, but it seems like a lot. Micah is only 9 and Im not yet ready for him to be so far away from me. Because of this, Micah and Noah share a room and the littles share a room, leaving the basement bedroom open for my university student brother.

The only other rooms on the same floor as his bedroom are a large unfinished storage area and the laundry room. There's a utility sink in there, shelves and a second fridge. When he moved in we agreed that he would use the second fridge and shelves as a place to store his food, though he cooks upstairs. There's also a bathroom on the next floor up and that's the main one he uses. The rest of us mostly stick to the upstairs one, unless the kids are in the rec room. His use of electricity is about the only thing that costs me money from his $350/month and for that reason it is well worth it to have him here.

So that's it. Two simple changes that I've worked into my circumstances allow for an extra $13800, minus expenses. Even at a conservative $10000/year, it's totally worth it. I plan to add even more this year, so watch for those posts in the coming months.

What do you do to make extra cash each month?

First Struggle

2011-01-05T16:27:00.003-03:30

So a few minutes ago, while contemplating dinner and simultaneously looking at my higher than expected bank balance, I wanted to cave and order a pizza. It lasted only seconds before I caught myself and realised what that would mean to our new budget. Instead there's a chicken roasting in the oven and we're getting through another day without spending.

$11 000 would mean a lot of pizza, but combined with other things I hope to reduce in our budget, it shouldn't take long to get to that number. If I ordered pizza once each week for the year and only ordered one of the store's deals, I'd be looking at somewhere in the $15-1600 range. For Pizza! What a simple way to reach 1/7 of my goal! (not that I do order Pizza once a week...ahem).

Thoughts in the Night

2011-01-04T12:52:00.001-03:30

I trace the line of his shoulder and gently stroke his back. He stirs and rolls away, but I don’t mind. His rhythmic breathing and beautiful stillness entice me and I can’t help but smile in the dark. I draw him close again, knowing all too well that the years will separate us. I’d shared this moment with each of my babies and in time, they all moved on. Preferring instead, to sleep alone in their beds rather than snuggled up with mama. I kiss his hands, his arm, his cheek. This time he moves closer, still young enough to treasure such things. We lay there, mama and babe, in the beautiful stillness of the night and I cherish this moment for everything it is.

Breaking Down my Budget

2011-01-04T12:12:00.005-03:30

Because I live in Canada and because Im considered low income, I automatically receive both the Canada Child Tax Benefit (CCTB) and the Childcare Allowance (which I group with my CCTB). Together they total $1400/month. This is huge for me, because I have no partner to contribute to our household expenses. When coupled with my WAHM income and child support, I have $2675/month to work with. I actually have considerably more due to some of my other money-making endeavors, but Ill get to them with another post.

So I sat down a couple days ago and looked at what I expected to spend each month for the next couple of months. I haven't cut spending for anything other than groceries (due to the two pantry challenges) and gas. Ill be looking at all of the other categories through out this year to see where I can cut. For this reason my numbers will probably seem really high to most of you. But remember, I live in Canada. On an island. Things ain't cheap!

Rent 1400
Renter's Insurance 26
Vehicle Insurance 317
Power 250
Aliant 150 (Digital Cable, Boxes, Internet and home phone)
Food/Household 300
Gas 120
Kids' Allowances 67
School 40 (pizza and ice cream days, book orders, field trips)
Birthdays/Holidays 100
Giving 88 (church, compassion international, mercy house)
Micah's Cell 22
My spending 25
Bank Fees 10
------------------------------
Total 2915

There are some obvious holes in this budget, I know. For one, I haven't provided for any maintenance on the van, but I've put in $100 for birthdays and holidays. Like I said, this will need some rearranging. To be honest though, I did spend $1200 on Christmas this year and if I added all of the other holidays, plus birthdays for my four guys and family/friends parties that we might attend, it's more like double that amount.

Some of you may have noticed that the total of these expenses is more than my income of $2675/month. And that's where my other money making endeavors come into play. But Ill explain those tomorrow. One of the things Id like to do this year is to reduce my expenses to $2675, so that I can totally support us by regular, dependable income alone. That would mean finding $240, which Im not sure is totally possible.

Two Days In

2011-01-02T18:26:00.003-03:30

So we're at the end of the second day of both my savings challenge and my pantry challenge (of which I just committed to a second, similar one). So far, I haven't spent a penny. But that's not really all that hard now is it?

Yesterday was Jason's birthday and Micah had asked last week if we could have a party for him. Neither Jason nor I felt comfortable with that idea and so we decided that he'd just come over for dinner, instead. Thankfully, I had a pot roast in the deep freeze and a little wine from Christmas in the fridge, because that's one of his favorite meals. I didn't want to spend any extra money, so that worked out really well. I had thought about making him a cake, before he came over but I didn't think I had any butter or margarine for the icing. It wasn't until about an hour before dinner that I realized there was a stick in the back of the fridge! Oh well. The kids and I made a gingerbread house kit the day before and so we just served that instead. Jason didn't mind and he had the honor of breaking it into little pieces for the boys.

Today we had a lazy day and all just ate what we felt like for breakfast and lunch. Mostly it was yogurt, cereal, toast or soup. Then for supper, since Jason decided to keep Owen for an extra night, I just made grilled cheese sandwiches and a can of vegetable soup. We made it fun by playing Zooreka while we ate.

Tomorrow I plan to serve homemade macaroni and cheese with broccoli, potatoes and carrots (left over from yesterday). I may or may not get around to making rolls in my bread maker, but those could be included as well. We'll have this same meal again on Tuesday and on Wednesday I plan to make what my boys like to call "cheese eggs." Ill have to pick up some eggs for that though because there's only two left after all of my Christmas baking. Otherwise, the only other spending I should be doing this week is a tank of gas in the van and a movie ticket tonight with my girlfriends.

All together, not a bad start to a new adventure.

Getting to Goal, Step One

2010-12-31T14:04:00.004-03:30

I love that everyone around the blog world is getting organized and starting challenges. It's a great time of year for it and maybe our collective efforts will help drown out those winter blues while we wait for the sunshine to return.

Next up, Ill be participating in a six week pantry challenge hosted by Melissa at Mom's Plans. It begins tomorrow and runs until mid-February. My new budget allows for only $300/month for groceries/household items and so I'll be using this challenge to find ways to keep myself within that parameter. From here until February 15th, I plan to spend no more than $450. I have no take out in my budget planned for that period either so if I decide to order a pizza or whatever, it will have to come from this amount.

Some things that will help:

My deep freeze is pathetically low, to the point where it's probably not worth it to have it plugged in. However, I do have a whole chicken, two small hams and a pot roast in there. I've just taken out another pot roast for tomorrow's dinner as well. My regular fridge's freezer has a bag of perogies, two meals worth of mozzarella stuffed meatballs, two meals worth of cooked ground beef with onion and one meal worth without the onion. I've also got 4 meals of homemade turkey soup in there as well. All together this counts for the main parts of about 3 weeks worth of meals, minus sides.
My kids can be picky and don't like a lot of different things. They mostly eat plain chicken, pot roast and spaghetti. Otherwise they like simple things like grilled cheese and kraft dinner. If paired with lots of fruits or veggies, these can be good additions to pad out our menu.
The boys will all be gone for 3 days during this 6 week period and Owen will be gone 6. I usually just eat left overs when Im home alone so these days will be a good budget stretcher, although they're not new.
We still have quite a few goodies around the house from Christmas. The boys all got chocolates, chips and candy in their stockings and we still have some of it for the times when they want a snack.
I made the pioneer woman's cinnamon rolls and although we gave two trays of them away, we had lots left over. They are sooo good though that I had to sneak a pan of them into the freezer before the kids noticed! I've also got a batch of muffins that Ill be taking out next week for school lunches and snacks.

Is anyone else participating in a pantry challenge this month?

Goals? Resolutions?

2010-12-31T10:26:00.004-03:30

Nah.

I haven't thought much about what I want to change or accomplish this coming year. I've usually done so in the past but it's not like I've ever followed through, so.. meh. I've learned that there's a lot in this life you can't control, however much you think you can. Living in a shelter while 9 months pregnant with my fourth child was certainly not in my plan, but it happened. I can say that Im determined to never let it happen again, but I don't know what the future holds. Im smarter now and I know how to ask for help and maybe those things are what would make the difference if I was ever faced with something like that again. But then again, maybe not.

I've spent YEARS making up for having a baby at 18. I was so determined to not be a statistic that I just put my head down and plowed through my GED, a diploma in graphic design and a degree in sociology/women's studies. I spent 6 straight years in school (without ever taking a summer off or any other type of break) while having children and watching my marriage fall apart. I did all that so that I could get a well paying job and not be the teenage failure.

It's 2.5 years later and although I have a job, the pay sucks. I can choose to work in my office at the university, full time and pay daycare fees or I can work limited hours at home for measly pay. Even with a daycare subsidy, I was paying $700/month for 2 full time children and one part time (I finished work when the kids got out of school at 3, each day). Next fall when James is in school, I could possibly pay only $300, but they now to go a school too far away from the university for me to pick them up after school so the after school care would end up costing just the same.

I've made peace with this and now accept that maybe it's better that Im home with my babies anyway. I can pay my bills and look after my boys at the same time, so why add the extra stress of working away from home too?

Anyway, all of this is to say that Ill be participating in Penny Saver's The Saved Quarter Challenge.

My current income (or what Im classifying as income is $2475/month, take home). This includes my income, child support and what I receive as part of the Canada Child Tax Benefit (CCTB) and Childcare Benefit (which I group in with my CCTB).

If I were to save 25% that would equal $7425 for the year 2011. I believe this is doable for me and I'd actually like to increase it to $11000, but let's just start with the $7425 for now, shall we?

I don't expect to have $7425 sitting in my bank account next December 31 because I have a lot of debt and it would be irresponsible to hoard money while being charged interest. So instead I plan to put at least $5000 towards debt repayment, $1000 into an emergency fund, $1000 into fixing my van (which is almost how much it needs now) and the rest ($425) for a small vacation this summer with the boys.

If you'd like to read more about the challenge, go here. You can pledge to save whatever you choose and use it for whatever your needs are. The idea is to come up with new ways to cut your budget and earn extra money. I plan to post about my journey with this each Monday and have already prepared topics through February.

Happy New Year, dear readers.

A little rant about gifts

2010-12-27T11:35:00.004-03:30

So my last post about my complicated family and was brought on because of my thoughts on presents at Christmas time. The boys have always spent Christmas morning at home with me and since the divorce, they've spent the rest of the day with their dad and grandparents. This year they didn't get to see their grandparents until boxing day and from what they came home like, it was obviously different from previous years. After talking for awhile I found out some things that are both good and bad.

They've always been really spoiled by their grandparents and received waaay too many gifts, most of which weren't overly exciting. They'd get a lot of clothes and things that they had a vague interest in and maybe a toy or two that they'd be happy about. My problem was always the amount of gifts they received that would rival their lot from Santa and Mommy. If the gifts were things that they had really wanted or needed, I would probably still have had a problem with the quantity.

This year though, there was a celebration on Christmas including the other grandchildren (Chris' two daughters and his sisters' kids). My boys were left for the following day. So first of all they were left out of a normal Christmas celebration. Then they received clothes (Ive been led to believe one outfit each) and a toy each. They also received gifts from their aunts and dad but there was a drastic reduction from previous years. Which you would think would make me happy.

Im not though. I feel like my boys are being treated differently because they're not really part of the family anymore. Im glad that I don't have a huge amount of crap that I have to find places for (more on that below) but its still sad to me. Couldn't there have been a happy middle ground? The boys still didn't enjoy their gifts and on top of it, they've lost the spoiled/special treatment they used to receive.

Micah actually cried over his gift from his aunt. He had put on a brave face and thanked everyone accordingly (according to him) but when he came home and was with me, he was sooooo sad that he didn't like the gift. He was worried that he would hurt his aunt's feelings. I told him that as long as he was polite to her, than it didn't really matter. He was allowed to feel disappointed in the gift but being polite to the gift-giver was the appropriate response. There's bound to be different opinions for this, so please keep that in mind.

Chris' family has distanced themselves so far from these boys that they just have no idea who they are anymore and that was really reflected in their gifts. Most of what they received was just put up in my closet to re-gift when the boys are invited to birthday parties. If they had no interest in it or already had it and I KNEW they would never play with it, then up it went. There's at least 6 things in there, maybe more.

......

So that brings me to our gift giving practices. Im not stupid enough to believe that I've never given a present that someone didn't like. That's inevitable. But with 28 people on my list this year, not including my children, I seriously put a lot of work and thought into giving the best gifts that I could think of while sticking within my budget. It seems that some people just give for the sake of giving and don't give a thought as to if the person will actually like the gift or not. What's the point in that?

I made a point to buy things for Chris (also known previously as "The Ex"), Patti and their girls simply because it's the right thing to do. The boys picked out most of the gifts and they were really from them, not me. I ordered Patti a parenting magazine subscription with my airmiles and as a mother of two, I assumed she would like it. I have no idea if she does or not, but I certainly tried. This is a magazine that I've enjoyed for years and currently have my own 3 year subscription. The boys picked out pjs and candy for their dad. When I knew him, he was in pjs whenever he could be and the boys knew he loved all types of candy. I was buying pjs for other people at the time and so it just kind of worked out. The boys' first choice was a $50 game, but that wasn't going to happen. Thought was put into these things, is my point.

Another example is that I gave pjs to three of my brothers (with other things) but I knew for a fact that another brother would absolutely NOT wear pjs and so he got something else. I could have sent generic chocolates to everyone and called it a day, but I tried. It really bothers me when people don't about the person they're giving to. I think I'd rather get nothing than something they didn't even think about. I may be reading too much into it, but it's like the gift-giver is saying that you don't really matter enough in their lives for them to know what you'd like.

........

I had decided this year to buy only things that the boys had asked for and only a couple items each. I didn't set a budget for each child but aimed for an equal number of gifts. For example, Noah got a Dsi XL that cost $200, Micah's big gift was a $50 cell phone...both are equally happy. I didn't want to deal with useless things that the boys would never play with. Unfortunately I couldn't completely eliminate those items (see above) and so I came up with the idea to put them away to re-gift. Class birthday parties are usually a stab in the dark anyway, unless your child and the birthday child are fairly good friends. There's also a couple of items that they probably will play with but already have enough of; like trucks for Owen. Those are put up as well but Ill probably bring them down in a couple of months when they're bored of what they have.

A guess an advantage of having extra gifts to put away is that now my boys will be able to go to more birthday parties. Though it doesn't happen often, there have been times when we get an invitation with very little notice and can't make it because there's simply no money for a gift.

What are your strategies for dealing with unwanted presents? Or maybe you're a grin and bear it kind of person?

Our complicated family tree.

2010-12-26T16:39:00.004-03:30

Ok, so I had another post in mind but I realised that in order to really explain it, you would have to understand our complicated family tree. So I thought I might as well do a post about how our little family came to be because, without actually checking my archives, I don't believe I've ever explained it all before.

So, lets begin with me.

There's my parents:

Dad, oldest of two children, married once before with a son named David (who has two teenage daughters who were adopted/put into foster care)

Mom, youngest of four children

They had:

Will, not married, no children

Chris, two children from previous relationships, engaged with two more children

Myself, we'll get to me later

Morgan, separated, two daughters

Sam, not married, no children

This is where it gets complicated.

So I have:

Micah, born when I was 18, fathered by William (raised in foster care with no link to biological family and who has never been in the picture), grew up knowing about William but calling Chris dad

Noah, fathered by Chris (moved out when Noah was 3 for the final time)

Jamie, fathered by Chris (Jamie was about 6 months old when Chris left)

Owen, fathered by Andrew (disappeared when he found out I was pregnant, has one brother and an 8 year old daughter, whom Owen has met)

Did you get all that?

Now for the fathers:

William lives in another province and has not kept in contact since we moved to our current province. He has emailed once or twice but disappears just as quickly. He is basically non-existent for our family other than Micah's knowledge of another dad.

Chris and I were together from just after Micah's first birthday (2002) until we finally called it quits in 2007. The day after he moved out, he met Patti, his now fiance and mother to his two daughters. These daughters are biologically related to Noah and Jamie, though Micah is also included as Chris' son. These three visit their dad (and extended family) twice/month, which is the schedule that he has chosen.

Andrew. There isn't much to say about Andrew as most of what I know about him, I found out from his ex, J(mother of his daughter). I found her on facebook using the little info I had about his daughter, once he split. I emailed her and we've been talking ever since. Neither of us have heard from or seen Andrew since 2008. J knows his family and hears the odd rumor, but we've both accepted what kind of man he is and instead are actively encouraging a bond between her daughter and Owen. Next year, she'll be moving to the same city where I currently live so hopefully the kids will get a lot more time together.

And then there's Jason. He isn't biologically related to any of the children, but is a father for Owen. He and I started dating when Owen was about 7 months old and he just moved out last month. He takes Owen for a night every weekend and visits him usually twice each week.

Chris's family consists of two sisters and his parents. His mother calls every now and then and asks to take the boys for an afternoon. She's also the one person I can rely on to show up to any of the boys school/church performances. The boys see their grandparents every time they visit their dad. I don't know as much about their aunts/uncles/cousins. I know that one set lives in another province and so they don't see a lot of each other, but they might see the other family once/month or so. His fiance Patti on the other hand, seems to make every effort not to be home when the boys visit and is usually with the girls at her parents home in another town. The boys, as far as I know have zero relationship with Patti's parents.

Jason's family consists of a father and sister whom he barely speaks to and who live on the opposite side of the country, and his mother who lives four hours away. He visits (with Owen) his mother usually every holiday when he has time off of work. His mother also visits him every couple of months. During these visits, Owen is always included and his mother has begun to see Owen as her grandchild. She is also quite nice to the other boys and has even bought them Christmas gifts this year.

So, congratulations if you've followed that! With a family situation like mine, things can sure get interesting!

Well, that was fun!

2010-12-26T11:37:00.005-03:30

Dec 23, watching movies

Our Christmas Eve goodie buffet

Owen's selections

New Christmas Jammies

Putting out cookies for Santa

A relaxing Christmas afternoon spent together

Christmas Traditions

2010-12-22T08:54:00.004-03:30

Our Christmases have changed quite a bit over the years with the various shifts within our little family and cross country moves of extended family members. The where and the how of Christmas is rarely the same each year but that hardly matters. Ive found that a combination of flexibility, knowledge of what really matters, old and new traditions and time management make our holidays great wherever and however they happen.

We have a lot of traditions that I've introduced to my boys and that I make an effort to hold onto each year, but these are the small things that can be accomplished as the days and our schedule allow.

We always make sugar cookies together. I can make up the dough one evening after the boys are in bed and then just leave in the fridge until we're ready to make them. If something comes up the next day and they can't be done, the dough keeps fine until we can. We can also just make the cookie shapes and freeze them to be decorated at another time. This is a tradition that my family had when I was growing up and it's one of those things I was always so excited about, year after year. Time with mom during this busy season is always a treat. I usually try to make these cookies with just one or two children at a time as well because it can get rather hectic. If that's not possible though, then we just make a mess and have fun all together!

As I was writing that last paragraph I got to thinking about the different things I bake each year, and how the cookie lineup is rarely the same. The one thing that has turned into a yearly tradition though without meaning to, are Christmas colored rice krispies for breakfast and to be made into squares. My boys always ask for that cereal this time of year and it always just gets made into squares without any planning from me!

We decorate our tree early, usually about a month before Christmas. I prefer to enjoy the anticipation of Christmas and celebrate it all month long. Once December 31st comes along though, everything is packed up and back in the basement until next year. I could never understand people who kept their decorations up well into January. To me, the Christmas season is December, not January. Our tree is also decorated with almost exclusively handmade ornaments. We either make them ourselves (another tradition) or the boys bring them home from school.

Decorations are something I don't care about very much and therefore prefer to spend my money elsewhere. Our tree was from freecycle two years ago and although it leans and is quite bare in spots, it's lovely once its decorated and it hasn't fallen over yet, despite cats and children! I usually pick up a couple of new things each year, mostly from the dollar store, but this is certainly the last christmasy thing I want to spend money on.

The boys are allowed to stay up late watching Christmas movies. Living in the earliest North American time zone, things come on tv late here. Most of the time a movie will run past their bedtimes, but this is the one time of year that I don't mind letting them stay up. Those precious moments of snuggling on the couch, watching Christmas classics are more important than my quiet evening relaxation time.

We all get new pjs on Christmas eve. I do this strictly for the Christmas morning pictures and there have been some years when the budget hasn't cooperated and so we just make sure to wear matching pjs that night. I care more about paying the bills or giving gifts than I do about spending $50 on pjs for us all.

New this year will be Church on Christmas eve. Because I hadn't attended a church in years, there was never a desire to do so on Christmas eve when it's busy and hectic anyway. But this year, things are different. We do go to church and we are very involved in ours. The bigs will be singing in the service on Christmas eve and it's important for us to remember why we're celebrating in the first place. I've always taught my boys about the real reason we celebrate Christmas but that was on such a lower level than we are doing this year. We're making it the most important part, which is as it should be.

Also new this year is our homemade advent. I've strung ribbon across a dining room wall and hung envelopes for each day. Inside is a treat, possibly a card with an activity written on it (pick out new mugs and have hot chocolate, make a manger for baby Jesus) and our Jesse Tree paper ornaments. Each evening one boy gets to open the envelope, show around the picture and try and figure out how it might be incorporated into the story. Then I read the associated passage from my bible and we discuss, before he gets to hang it on our tree. We used to pass out the candy first, but that proved to be a very bad idea and so now that's the last part. Our advent is such a mixture, but it's ours and hopefully it'll become a fond memory for my boys.

Christmas morning always begins with stockings outside the boys' doors. They are allowed to open these and explore their new treasures that Santa has brought them. At an appropriate hour, we get up and head downstairs as a family where we open gifts together around the tree. Our gifts only have our names on them and they do not distinguish between whats from Santa and whats from Mom. I just find it easier this way. All of my boys still believe in Santa but I don't make a huge effort to encourage it. If they question it, I usually give them a silly answer and laugh. Im not going to adamantly refuse to tell them the truth but Im not going to push the Santa thing either. When they ask about mall Santas, they're told the truth, but in a way that doesn't highlight the lying aspect.

Cinnamon buns and a jello salad usually accompany a large breakfast Christmas morning. This year though, Im going simple and picking up a fruit tray from the grocery store. I have frozen muffins in the freezer if I decide not to make the cinnamon buns and they'll do just fine. All I plan to cook that morning is bacon, because its a treat we don't have often.

New this year is the traditional turkey dinner. Ever since the divorce, the boys have been picked up a little after noon by their father and returned full of turkey in the evening. Because of this, Ive always just gone to my parents, or one of my brothers' houses for my Christmas meal and that's been fine with me! But Christmas this year lands on their regular scheduled visit with their dad and because he would normally pick them up at 5pm on Saturday, that's what he's going to do. It's too bad for the kids because they always enjoy spending the afternoon at their paternal grandparent's house with their cousins, presents and food. So instead Im cooking the dinner myself and Ive planned to have it at lunch time. Jason and Owen will be heading out to spend a few days with Jason's family and because its a four hour drive, they need to be on the road early. So that's just how its going to be this year. Ill have an enjoyable night in the quiet with leftover turkey for my supper!

When my parents lived here we always visited them on Christmas day, usually for brunch. But since they moved super far away, we've been trying out different ways to go about this. The first year, I hosted a Christmas eve party at my house and then a brunch on Christmas day for all my brothers and their families. This turned out to be too much for everyone's Christmas days and has since been dropped. Then we tried the Christmas eve at my brother's house and that was fine, but took up too much of our evening so Im not overly excited to try that again. This year Im sending my nephews home with the gifts for them and their parents when they leave tomorrow (I babysit them). I don't know if my brother has anything for us, but Im sure they'll find a way to get them to us if they do. My bottom line this year is stress-free and focused on Jesus and our own little family.

What are your family traditions?

Morning Thoughts

2010-12-21T11:10:00.004-03:30

I've noticed an anger in myself lately that is most likely caused by the recent changes in our lives. Im snapping at the kids more and just feeling annoyed by every little thing. I don't think it has anything to do with holiday stress, but maybe just the fact that Im alone at Christmas has something to do with it. Without a partner I've had extra time to get things done and so my cards are mailed, gifts bought and wrapped, parties/concerts/etc have been hosted and attended, house is decorated and baking is done. I want to clean my house a little more and buy a fruit tray to add to our Christmas morning breakfast, but those are simple and quick, not stress-inducing.

As is normal with mothering, Ive been experiencing a lot of guilt, right along with the anger. Ive laid in bed the past couple of nights rethinking situations and how I could have handled them better. Just as my mother was, Im very conscious of how my mothering may effect my children as they grow. My daily mistakes could add up to my boys becoming men and scheduling a weekly meeting with a therapist! Ok, I don't actually believe that, but at 1am it's easy to go there.

I don't really have any answers to how Im feeling or what to do about my parenting mistakes. Being aware of my short comings and being willing to change them has always been a part of how I mother, and maybe that's all I can do. Reflect, pray and talk about it. In the mean time, Im forcing myself to be a little more patient, even though I really don't feel it. Im focusing on loving my boys and nephews (whom I look after 40 hours/week) instead of getting them to all get along and act like I want them to. We're doing more activities each day and when one of them talks to me, Im making sure to stop what Im doing and listen/help/follow/whatever it is they need of me. Because when I evaluate my life and what I want from it, nothing is more important than those boys.

A decade...

2010-12-06T09:19:00.005-03:30

10 years ago today, as a seventeen year old girl, I found out I was going to be a Mommy! It's been a decade and even though my life is nothing like I thought it would be, I wouldn't trade it for the world!

As a side note: my very grown up little man has created his own blog to show off his lego designs... Lego Town

Blah

2010-11-30T12:43:00.004-03:30

I was so tired and not feeling the greatest yesterday that I only managed to get the downstairs bathroom cleaned and the rec room half tidied. Today is much the same but not as bad. Im trying to keep myself busy though to pass the day but I don't know how well that's working.

I have a few things around here that are half started but I just cant seem to get back around to. It's not that I don't have time but more like not enough drive. Our advent calendar needs to be finished for tomorrow, or at least the first day of it. But that includes a number of little things that still need to come together and when I think about it I just get all blah and don't want to do anything! I would hate to get a couple days into December though and then regret not starting it out right. Maybe in a couple hours Ill have a little more drive, though I can't really see it.

So far I've only cleaned off the top of the fridge (only because I needed something up there), made cupcakes with Owen (that still need to be frosted) and half painted little Christmas blocks for my mantle. It's nearly 1pm and I've done about a half hour's worth of stuff :(

Tomorrow is another dreaded Wednesday where I have Mom N Me in the morning (possibly with my nephews as well as the littles) and Fun Factor at night. It'll be the last Fun Factor until after Christmas so Im happy about that. There is this group that is just horrible to control. They are in grade four and I have to spend most of my time sitting with them to try to keep them under control instead of with the grade ones, where Im supposed to be! Hopefully this mood will be gone by then and I'll make it through without too much headache.

Staying ahead of the Holidays

2010-11-27T15:06:00.004-03:30

Im noticing more and more people talking about their Christmas plans and putting up their trees, etc. but very few who already have it done. Am I alone in this?

Our tree has been up for a little while now and the decorations for the rest of the house are slowly emerging. I find that if I don't start these things early, I wont get them done!

Do you know how quickly four weeks can pass?

Before we know it, Christmas will be over and we'll be evaluating how things went. I certainly don't want any regrets of missing out on family time, activities that I wanted to do, functions that I wanted to attend, treats I wanted to bake, those cards that just didn't get mailed until the week of Christmas, gifts that never got delivered...

It's so easy to get caught up in all that you have to do, that you don't ever truly enjoy the season, and that's what it is, a season. That's why I start early. My Christmas cards are addressed, stamped and ready to be mailed (including picture), my tree is up and decorated, my list of baking treats is made and so is another one of all the ingredients that I will require, our calendar is filled out so that we can enjoy celebrating with everyone without last minute schedule clashes...

Source

I plan to spend some time this weekend finishing our new advent calendar and decorating the rest of the house. Then I'll make a schedule for my baking and sit back and enjoy the season. My list of gifts left to buy is getting smaller and smaller and those that are bought, are already wrapped and packed away in boxes so little eyes can not peak.

Im not writing this to make anyone feel like they're behind or not keeping up with others. Im simply writing this to encourage people to start early with their planning and organizing of this holiday season so that they too can enjoy everything that comes with it. Too many people dread December and the hectic pace. I say, with a little planning and organization, anyone can pull off the kind of Christmas that they truly desire. Forget the things that you don't really enjoy and focus on what you love. Armed with pen and paper, and a little time after the kids are in bed, anyone can tackle the holidays with minimal meltdown :)

Pantry Challenge update #1

2010-11-27T10:03:00.004-03:30

One day in and I was already at the store!

I knew that I would be shopping yesterday, when I started this on Thursday. It was actually part of the plan. If I didn't have the restriction of around $25/week I certainly would have bought a lot more of the sale items then I did. And I would have made it to the four different stores that had items I normally buy, on sale. Instead, I only went to one with a plan to go to the other ones through out the week. Yesterday I only purchased bananas, craisins and cereal. It's a start.

I also was able to go by Walmart early yesterday, right after I dropped the kids off to school to purchase a leapster for James. I've had my eye on this for months and was about to cave and get the newer version for $80 when I saw the flier for Walmart. The leapster 2 was $30, down from $60 and the games were $15, down from $30. I had $105 written beside this entry in my Christmas shopping list and I ended up only paying $67 with taxes (and an extra game)!

I had to be home to babysit my nephews right after that at 9:30 so I didn't get to go by another store that was also having a sale. I did however get out around 2:30, right before picking the boys up and although I was drove nuts with the littles running around the store, I was able to get one of the last qwerty cell phones that were on sale for $50. The one I got was originally $70-80, which isnt too bad. It's for Micah for Christmas and it's a prepaid phone which means no contract and if he proves to be too irresponsible with it, I can take it away without worrying about having to pay out the contract. This is another item that has been on my radar for months and with Walmart's $100 price tag, Im glad I shopped around and found this deal.

How's your Christmas shopping going?

Pantry Challenge

2010-11-25T19:57:00.003-03:30

So Ive decided to change my 'month of spending' posts to instead talk about my first pantry challenge. Obviously given my history, I've had to deal with times where I couldn't shop simply because there was no money. But this is different.

From now (November 25) until Christmas, I will stick to a budget of $100 for food. I have waaaay too much in my freezers already that all I would need are the perishables. And baking ingredients. It is Christmas after all!

I figure milk alone will probably cost around $30 and the rest will be tight, but completely manageable. Hopefully this will keep me in line when Im at the store and wanting to buy all the goodies they have so prettily displayed this time of year!

Christmas Cards

2010-11-25T09:36:00.001-03:30

Our church is currently creating a photo directory of all the members since there has been so much growth in recent years. Our photo session was in October and so I decided to combine the experience and order Christmas cards of one of the poses. I think it turned out great! The image I saw on the screen that day didn't look anywhere near as good as this card came out, so I was pleasantly surprised. I only hope that I chose this pose for our church directory....although I have no idea.

I love how James (in the red) is posing! He is usually the one who feels self conscious when we're taking pictures and never cooperates. I had trouble finding outfits that would coordinate and so I finally gave up and said we'd go with "sweaters and dress shirts with jeans." Thankfully we all had one or the other! Ha!

I like to get my Christmas cards out by the 1st since I have some that travel long distances. These arrived on Tuesday so it's just perfect timing! I even found a bunch of Christmas stamps from last year so I didn't have to spend a penny :)

The next month:

2010-11-24T10:58:00.005-03:30

This is the our calendar leading up to Christmas (just 31 days away)!

I just had to take it down and add the rehearsals/performances for our church's Christmas concert, Micah's after-school ball hockey schedule, various Christmas functions, and some more school notices.

Most of what is on here are things like pizza days and gym days for Micah and Noah, but there's a lot of other stuff on there too. Christmas is still a month away and our schedule looks packed! If you notice, only the 17th and 18th are free. The kids will still have school on the 17th though....OH! I just remembered! I have an EXAM on the 17th, yay! So only the 18th is free! Ill have to make sure I include something that involves staying home for our advent calendar that day.

At least I also have this written on my dry erase, next to the calendar, to help me remember to be grateful and also why I do what I do:

Letters from Santa

2010-11-24T09:10:00.005-03:30

Source

Do your children receive letters from Santa? We've had them once or twice in the past but it's not a yearly tradition. Micah and I came across a card that he got from Santa probably 5 years ago or more and that got me to thinking about it. Why not?

It's another one of those inexpensive, easy and quick things that we can do to make the holiday a little more special. I followed a link from Mommy Daisy's review blog today to a site that will put together a package including a letter, certificate, etc. for your child that you can print from home. There is a fee and that's what turned me off of that specific site, but a quick internet search using swagbucks or google will give you plenty of ideas or even a template to get you started.

I plan to visit the dollar store to pick up some Christmas paper for ours to be printed on and then Ill either add stamps and just put them in our mailbox or I might actually mail them. I've found four different letters to use so each child gets their own and Ill be sure to not have them all arrive at once either. It'll be more special that way.

Our local Santa Claus parade is on the 4th and we'll be giving Santa our letters then so I have a couple of weeks before they need to be ready, as these will be in response to what the kids write him. I find that with anything, starting well in advance is the only way I get things done!

DIY Christmas gifts for kids!

2010-11-23T16:07:00.007-03:30

We've all seen the Christmas gifts that you can make yourself but if you're anything like me, you may not find many of them to be very good. I've come across very few that I would actually give to people and I don't think any that would work for my own kids. And lets face it, buying for my own children is my biggest stress when it comes to Christmas gifts. Everyone else only receives gifts if time and budget allow.

So imagine my delight when I came across this site

There are so many great toys that you can make for your kids with very little money or skill!

I've already printed out this for 4 year old James and plan to have everything cut out and put in a pretty box for him to color and assemble. All it cost me is the paper, ink and a little time. Perfect!

These Fabric Nesting dolls are adorable!

And then there's this cardboard velcro robot...How cool is that?

O Christmas Tree...

2010-11-23T13:29:00.003-03:30

The boys and I decorated our Christmas tree this past Sunday afternoon. It was a little different this year doing it ourselves and having Owen help, but it was fun. We took a break after putting on the lights to have hot chocolate and chips, then the boys hung the ornaments.

I think they did a beautiful job!

Nutty Butter Cookies

2010-11-22T10:16:00.001-03:30

Image from Amazon.com

Awhile back the littles and I were reading this Dora book about a quest for chocolate for Abuela's chilly day surprise. Among other characters and things, Dora and Boots meet Tico who offers them some of his Nutty Butter Cookies.

When we finished the book, I had the idea to make our own Nutty Butter cookies together for a little treat. Obviously I had no idea how to make such a cookie, but that didn't stop us! I just used a regular chocolate chip recipe that I pretty much know by heart now, and instead of adding chocolate chips, we added whatever nuts were in the pantry at the time. All the kids needed to know was that there was both butter and nuts in our cookies and they were satisfied.

I didn't think to take a picture at the time, but they were good and we had a lot of fun making them. Instead of just reading the story and then going about whatever chores I had to do, I took the time to expand the simple story into something much more. Now when we read this book and we get to the end where Dora asked what we like to do on chilly days, we can talk about those Nutty Butter cookies and maybe even make some more.

Christmas has arrived....

2010-11-21T20:47:00.002-03:30

Making the most of a small room

2010-11-16T09:42:00.006-03:30

Some of those pictures of James are just precious! I love the one where he's pretending to make binoculars out of his hands :)

I realised yesterday when I was cleaning up the little's room* that I've never written about the decorating that I've been working on in there for months. Actually I haven't done anything since the beginning of the summer, but it's an ongoing project none-the-less.

I probably should have closed the curtains, that glare is terrible. The two youngest share this somewhat small room and so I had to make it friendly for my preschooler and toddler. I don't want to be redoing this room next year either, so I wanted something that would last a little bit. One of my favorite details are the "O" and "J" above their beds. I took the glass out of dollar store picture frames and painted the letters. So simple.

The room is painted a sky blue with clouds around the top. I haven't decided if I'll paint an animal mural on the lower half yet or a racetrack. Owen loves cars but I think the animals may last them both longer (not to mention their curtains are an animal print).

This shelf was here when we moved in and because we're renting, I don't want to paint it or take it down. Actually it would probably ruin the drywall behind it if I tried to take it out anyway. So it works as a bookshelf and a place to keep Owen's diapers. Plus their night light is clipped to it and I hang their robes for bath time on the bottom.

This was their closet. One of the best things to do in a bedroom to make more room is to take off the closet doors. I can hang all of their sweaters and nicer clothes up and fit everything else into a single dresser (mine from when I was a kid) There's also room for bins of all their small toys and their extra blankets.

And this is a hidden treasure. We live in a four level side split which means that the top half of this room is adjacent to our roof. From what I can tell, this door leads to some sort of attic, although I've never actually looked. I used to have their dresser in front of this and hated the wasted space that it caused. Until I took a closer look, that is. Now it holds all the kids' big toys:

The entrance to the attic, or whatever it is, is behind the poster.

So what would you do, cars or animals?

*Ever notice that when you're trying to clean up their toys, kids always get a new interest in playing with them? Mine could be bored and whining but the minute I start cleaning up their toys, it's like they've found a bunch of new treasures.

FOUR!

2010-11-15T11:06:00.000-03:30

James turned four last week and instead of writing some long sappy post about how BIG he is or how much I am in awe and love with him, I thought I'd share some pictures of the last year. Starting with his 4th birthday and working back...

A Month of Spending

2010-11-10T10:03:00.005-03:30

Part 1

I've decided to track my spending of groceries and other household products over the month to 1) give you an idea of how my shopping strategy works and 2) Track just how much Im spending now that Jason has moved out.

This month started out a little different that most simply because I had to cover the rent myself which caused a huge restriction on my budget. $1400/month is alright when there are two people paying it but taking it over myself with only two weeks notice was tough. So as a result, we were out of a lot of things when I made my grocery list this week, causing my approx. $100/week budget to expand quite a bit. I don't foresee next week's shopping to be anywhere near as high so hopefully it will balance out.

So here's what I bought:

Store A

Cat Litter $6.99
2L Coke $1.66
Miracle Whip $2.99 (Sale) *This wasn't needed but it's an item that doesn't go on sale often
Paper Towel $2.99
Salt $1.39
10lb Potatoes $6.00 (Sale)
5lb Onions $2.99
Apples $3.21 (Sale)
Bananas $2.35
Cool Quenchers x4 $3.96 *I had a different brand on my list but the store was out. After considering that the other brand requires 3 equal parts water and this one requires 6, this turned out to be a better deal anyway.
Tomato Paste $0.89
Halloween Candy $1.98 (Clearance)
Mushrooms $2.97 (Sale)
Dried Basil $1.89
Oregano $1.79
Sliced Turkey Breast $2.99 (Sale)

Store B
500g Cheddar Cheese $3.99 (Sale)
500g Mozzarella Cheese $3.99 (Sale)
Oatmeal Packets x2 boxes $5.00 (Sale)
Canned Corn $0.89 (Sale)
Canned Peas $0.89 (Sale)
Laundry Detergent x3 $9.00 (Sale)
Baking Soda $1.49
Cereal $5.49
McCain Cake $1.15
Juice Boxes $3.49
Hot Chocolate Mix $4.49
18 Cans Cola $3.99
2L Cranberry Ginger ale x2 $2.00 (Sale)
Bread x2 $4.00 (Sale)
Chicken Drumsticks x2pkgs $9.75 (Sale)
Lunch Mates x2 $4.00 (Sale) *This was to keep the kids happy and is not something I would normally buy
Blackberries $2.99 (Sale)
Pears $2.28
Cantaloupe $2.99 (Sale)
Caramel Apple Dip $1.98
Clementines $4.77 (Sale)

Store C

Assorted chocolate chips x4 $8.00 (Sale)

Store D

2L Milk x3 $10.32 (Sale)
1L Choc. Milk x2 $3.00 (Sale)
32 Individual Yogurt $9.98 (Sale)

Total: $169.40, including taxes and deposits*
Total Sale Items: 23 ($105.70, before taxes)
Total Non-Sale Items: 18 ($51.26, before taxes)

*We have a 13% tax in my province that covers most things other than basic grocery essentials. For example, white milk is not taxed but chocolate milk is.

It was a little frustrating to have to spend so much on non sale items this week. Had I bought more of last week's sale items, this wouldn't have been the case.

changes and peace

2010-11-03T10:29:00.004-02:30

Well that's it, he's gone. Jason moved out last night after work. It was strange to spend the evening alone with the kids and to see his chair at the dinner table empty. I guess it'll just take some time to get used to being the sole parent around here again.

I gotta say though, the hardest part was when he kneeled down to say 'goodbye' to Owen. Obviously at 2 Owen has no idea what's going on but he understood enough to say "Im gonna miss you" in his sweet little voice. It just broke my heart! He's only asked for Daddy twice since then and it's been easy to distract him from the fact that he's not here. Hopefully it will continue to be this smooth.

As I wait for a loan to come through to buy a van, we're relying on walking wherever we need to go. We live in a sister city to the capital of our Province with only two bus routes. Both connect to the capital city so it's easy to get anywhere that we need to there, but not so easy to get around our own. Thankfully we live about a block away from a large shopping area with a grocery store, walmart, restaurants, hair salons, dollar store, drug store, pet store, candy store, banks, clothing stores and who knows what else. We can get everything we need there and there's also a corner store at the end of our street for those quick runs.

The harder part is school. Our new school is just under 2km from our house if we take a series of side streets and paths. If the littles and I walk the older two to school in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon, we're looking at around 7km/day. Owen can go in a stroller but Jamie is just too little for so much walking. So my brother (who rents a room from me while attending university) has agreed to watch the littles while I walk bring the bigs to school and when possible, when I pick them up as well. What a blessing!

This morning was our first attempt and with snow on the ground, we were apprehensive. We were later leaving that I had wanted to be, but in the end it wasn't a problem. It was cold at first and our faces were numb by the time we were half way there. Even that turned out to be good though because then we couldn't feel the cold! If I hadn't pushed the kids to walk fast, they probably wouldn't have minded the walk either, but because I was worried about how long the walk would take, I rushed them a little. After crossing all of the streets, and getting within a block or so of their school I said 'goodbye' and let them walk the last leg on their own. My brother had to catch a bus at 9 and without a watch, I was worried I would make him miss it. There was no need to worry though as I arrived home about 15 minutes earlier than I had anticipated. Good news because it means that we wont have to rush tomorrow.

There's a lot of changes happening with our lives at the moment but I haven't been anxious like I normally would be. I participated in an alter call at church on Sunday morning and have felt a lot of peace since then. It was only my send time doing so and my first where I felt people lay hands on me. I had two pastors and a number of church members praying with me and through that power, I've been blessed to feel His presence during what could have been a very trying time for my family.

The Way I Shop

2010-10-29T11:05:00.000-02:30

My grocery strategy

Part 1

For as long as I can remember, I've been obsessed with efficiency.

For years, I'd look at the grocery flyers, make a list and head out. I was always worried that I'd forgotten to write something down, so I'd go up and down every isle of the grocery store hoping to jog my memory. Too often I'd get home and realise that some important ingredient for a meal was missing; causing a return trip.

So not efficient. Or cost effective. Do you know how much money I was wasting by buying whatever it was we were out of each week plus the ingredients for whatever I planned to serve? Lots!

Image Source

But so many people shop this way. Little by little, I started to change my ways and now keep my grocery budget between $4-500 each month. Sounds a little high, doesn't it? This is supposed to be a post about saving time and money on groceries, after all.

Well that approx. $100/week for a family of 6 includes all household products (tissues, paper towels, cleaning products, laundry soap) and things like diapers as well. Jason was a big meat eater and so about 90% of our meals included either chicken, pork or beef. We also don't have a vegetable garden, so there's no savings there. And to top it all off, we live in Canada, on an island. Things aren't cheap.

To give you a perspective, my mother would spend around $200-$250 each week on groceries when I was growing up. This was for a family of 7.

So after such a long introduction, how do I keep my grocery budget so low?

It's not coupons (though I use those occasionally).

It's not by growing our own produce.

It's not by cutting back on meats and convenience items.

It's simply by watching the sales.

I started to notice a cycle effect on the sales that our local grocery stores would put out each week. Usually somewhere between every 4-8 weeks the same item would come on sale again and again.

So by watching my family's eating habits I was able to determine approximately how much of something we would consume every month or two (depending on the item) and I was able to buy each thing only when it came on sale.

A recent example will illustrate the possible savings with this strategy: A certain higher end brand of boxed chicken nuggets, fingers and burgers can be bought at a local grocery store for a regular price of around $11/box. By watching the sales, I was able to purchase these for $5/box. That's a savings of $6 for every box! That week I was able to stock up on such items buying 5 boxes at $25 (lasting probably 4-5 months, as we don't eat a lot of these) instead of the regular prices of $55.

Boxed chicken burgers may not be something that I would have bought 5 boxes of over those 4-5 months, but by using this strategy we get to vary our meals so no one gets bored. They make a great quick meal when the kids have swimming lessons and Im not tempted to run through a drive through for nuggets when I can feed my whole family for $2.50 (half a box), plus sides. That's not even the price of one happy meal. This week frozen pizzas are on sale and if I stock up on those, then we have two convenience meals that we can choose from.

This strategy works for so many items:

Meats:

Each season sees different meats on sale. During the summer, grilling steaks and pork chops were especially cheap. Those might be on sale now as well, but maybe a dollar per pound more than they were just a couple months ago, even though the store still calls it a sale. Grilling steaks don't work so well for us to stock up on because it's already almost at the freezing mark here. But pork chops work really well. I bought 7 or 8 packs of boneless pork chops at a buy one get one free sale at the end of summer. Those will last a good couple of months in the deep freeze and Im not forced to buy them at the (nearly double) regular price.

Fall is a good time to stock up on whole chickens and sometimes about a month before the holidays you can buy a cheaper, frozen turkey. It's all about knowing the cycles and watching the prices.

Produce:

All of our produce is determined by what's on sale. We may eat broccoli this week, spinach next and fresh corn after that. When something is in season, it tends to be a better deal than when it has to be shipped from further away. I make sure my kids get lots of fruits in their diet (not so much on the veggies simply because they don't eat them) and to do so on a budget can be tricky. By buying only what's on sale, I can get two or three different fruits for the week for only a little more than if I were buying a single not-on-sale favorite.

For the last couple of weeks, seedless grapes have been on sale for around $1.37/lb. Normally they would be around $3. If I buy them every week, the kids will get sick of them, but if I buy them only when they're on sale, they can go through a bag in an hour. I bought probably about 6lbs. Im also less likely to restrict their consumption when I know it didn't cost a lot.

I know that since I bought grapes two weeks ago on sale and they were also on sale last week, it will be another week or two before they're on sale again. By then, my kids will want them again. So not only does this strategy cut my grocery bill in half, it also allows for a greater variety of flavours.

Dairy:

Cheese is probably the most predictable of the dairy products. It goes on sale usually every month. The regular price for a 500g block of cheddar cheese is about $8. When it goes on sale it can be either $3.99 or $4.99. When I see it for $3.99, I stock up big time. It was this price two or three weeks ago and I bought five or six blocks. There's still two in the fridge and cheese should be on sale again next week, or possibly the week after. I never have to buy it at the outrageous price of $8, even though my family loves cheese.

Milk never goes on sale here. It's just one of those things. I think the grocery store price is $3.77 for 2L of milk (insane, I know!) but at a local convenience store, I can get it for $6.45/4L. Not a huge savings, so I don't go out of my way, but enough that I stop there whenever I think of it.

This strategy can be useful for almost every product. I can't think of anything at the moment (other than milk) that doesn't go on sale, at least occasionally. By keeping track of each item's cycle (even a general idea) you can cut your grocery bill in half, without the fuss of coupons or the time of growing your own produce.

Saying Goodbye

2010-10-27T11:06:00.010-02:30

The bigs will be saying goodbye to their classmates tomorrow for the last time. On Monday they begin at a new school, one that's only 2km away instead of the next city over.

Understandably, they're upset, nervous, anxious, excited and nonchalant about the whole thing. It varies.

We moved to our current house over a year ago and have been driving about 35-40 minutes in both the morning and afternoon to get to/from school. Thankfully spaces have opened up for both boys in their grades and in the French Immersion programs at the closer school at a perfect time.

As of Monday, we wont have a vehicle so school would have been impossible otherwise.

So we're embracing the change and hoping for the best. To say goodbye and because their last day lands on the same day as their Halloween parties, we're sending these cute little pumpkin goodbyes.

The goodbye notes weren't printed when I took these pictures but I'll probably tie a ribbon to secure the notes to the suckers. Use your imagination.

The idea came from here, although I didn't use the same supplies. I didn't want to spend too much after having to already buy the suckers, so I used what was around the house.

First, to make the tissue paper stick and not rip off the suckers right away, I cut small pieces of tape and punctured holes for the sticks to slide through. The sticky part is on the outside.

Then I slid small circles of tissue paper up and over each sucker.

*I just caught my 2 year old on his way up the stairs with a package of hot dogs saying "I want mutturd!" *

Wrapped a small piece of tape around the top...

Followed by a piece if green tissue for the stem. I found it easier to roll a tiny piece of tape first and stick it to one end before wrapping to keep the stem in place. Then when it was wrapped, it had something to stick to.

The boys put faces on them...

And we ended up with these...

Pumpkinfest

2010-10-25T11:18:00.003-02:30

It's been a busy week around here. My goal of posting three times a week is going to be seriously compromised if like this week, I don't get around to posting about the weekend until Wednesday.

With Jason moving out, the budget has taken a major hit. We're still alright, but I just really have to watch additional spending. This weekend though, there were events all over town and so I caved a bit and brought the three older kids to the local farm for Pumpkin Fest.

We live about 5 minutes from this farm so we visit it often, but once every fall they add all sorts of fun family activities.

This spider is around every year...creepy!

This is a new one and probably my fave

The witch

Noah at the 'Gourd Toss'

The view from our hay ride of the other group.
Reminds me of growing up in Ontario.

The province we now live in is nicknamed the 'Rock'

Scooby! The poor kids were freezing!

Eating lunch while waiting for the other passengers on the hay ride

This was inside a haunted maze.

I seriously couldn't even see the kids when I took this picture.
Just had to point the camera and hope for the best. Poor Micah is beyond froze.

It was cold and gray with light rain but I couldn't get a decent picture of this guy

Petting the pumpkin dinosaur

We had fun and our total for the day with admission, lunch, games, free hot chocolate and treats was only $21. And that Works for Me.

A Halloween "Boo"

2010-10-18T09:31:00.005-02:30

Nothing has been decided regarding Micah's costume issue. Im still hoping he'll figure it out himself in the next week or so. Jamie however came home from Grandma's yesterday with three more costumes. He already had three (hand-me-down) to choose from! Maybe I should create a costume box in the little's room for year-round dress up?

Anyway.

Have you heard of a "Halloween Boo?"

Linda talked about it last year and I sooo wanted to do it, but for one reason or another it didn't happen. So when she posted last week about this years' boo, I went for it.

After school on Thursday, we stopped by the dollar store to pick up a few things. I found that spider web paper and printed the poem, instructions and 'boo' sign on it. Other things that were included: chocolate, candies, chips, sitckers, halloween mug with individual hot chocolate, decorations and a few spiders and bugs thrown in for good measure.

Then Micah and his friend Lucas (in the front)* waited for dark to deliver them. We specifically chose two families that have lots of children and that we don't know very well. The third went to our 10 year old neighbour who loves Halloween.

Our neighbour caught them but the other two houses probably have no idea who sent them their 'Boo's! I chose the houses I did in hopes that they would carry on the fun and deliver more 'Boo's to the rest of the street. Jason was skeptical. He doesn't think a lot of parents would go through the effort. I hope he's wrong.

This morning while driving the kids to school, I got my first indicator that this might actually work: All three houses had their 'Boo' signs taped to their doors! That's step one! I can only hope that they're planning the who and the what for their own night-time game.

*Why is Lucas in so many of our pictures? I've probably posted three or four of this kid so far on this blog!

Halloween...Thoughts?

2010-10-15T10:23:00.003-02:30

I've always been aware of the differing attitudes towards Halloween.

Growing up, some of my friends didn't participate.

My family always did but in talking with my mom years later, she shared her desire to make the day about "fun" not "scary." As a child, I never noticed. That's how good she was.

If I had realised that she was keeping us away from something or not allowing us to do something, I would have totally caused a fuss! Looking back though, I cant remember a single instance of my mother not allowing me to do something for Halloween.

My own experience as a mother is turning out quite different. Micah who only recently turned 9, has decided that he would rather not go out for Halloween then buy a suitable costume. He wants to be "death" or some other creepy thing, which I will just not allow. I caved last year and let him wear a skeleton mask with his ninja costume, but that's the farthest I've allowed it.

I understand that he's getting older and wants the costumes that his friends will think are "cool" but I just don't want to invite those kinds of things into my home. I don't mind my children dressing up in fun costumes and going around collecting candy. To me, there's no harm in that. But when they start bringing in the decorations, costumes and even pranks that are designed just to scare people, well I don't like that.

So what do I do? I won't allow him to manipulate me with his refusal to participate, but I also don't want him to miss out when at the last minute he decides that he really does want to go out. I've thought about just buying him some costume that I think he'd like and putting it away in case he changes his mind. But is that the right choice? Am I encouraging the behaviour, or rescuing him from feeling the consequences? Advice?

lets move that other post down a bit...

2010-10-14T09:25:00.004-02:30

Wow. Life changes so fast. This year has gone by in seconds, even with it's ups and downs. Or maybe because of them.

As I mentioned, Jason has continued to live here for the last 8 months because of financial reasons. We both knew that the time was getting close and that he would soon find a place so we've been preparing. The other night we sat down together and looked through online ads for apartments. For the last couple of years in our area, there's been a housing shortage so prices are steep and Jason gets intimidated easily. So in the interest of keeping my sanity, I helped him contact the agents and set up appointments. As of yesterday afternoon, he finally has a new apartment.

It's bittersweet. Not because there's any sort of emotional attachment left, but because we've stayed very intertwined through all of this. I no longer have a car so we've been sharing his santa fe. He is practically allergic to grocery stores, so I do all the shopping. This is coming to an end.

We have to find new ways of doing things. I can no longer ask him to look after all the things around the house that I need done or get him to clean the cat boxes. Nor can I rely on him to watch the kids while I go to class or bring them to their lessons. It's going to be different.

But my biggest worry was the kids' school. When we moved from a neighboring city last year, I contacted the local french immersion school but was told there was no room in the program. I had to wait until spots opened up for both of my school aged children. so I waited.

I've talked with the principal and other administrative staff many times over the last 14 months and finally after finding out yesterday that I'll soon be without a vehicle, they suddenly had spots open up in both 1st and 4th grade. God is amazing.

The school is still 2km away, although Im hoping there's some sort of a path that connects some streets in between. We could shave off nearly half of that distance if I can find one. So that'll be my mission for the next couple of weeks. Along with getting Jason to finish up what he can around here, helping him pack and move, getting the kids things settled to switch school in the middle of a term and figuring out my new budget. The loss of Jason's financial contribution will definitely make a difference but wont be devastating. Im still hoping to put a little aside each month towards a car so that by the time winter really hits, the kids wont be walking.

confessions

2010-10-12T16:04:00.004-02:30

Its hard to write. It's hard to know what to say. Everything I think to write about seems trivial and just not worth the time it would take to write. I feel like if I write about something else, Im lying in a way. Not giving the whole truth.

It's been nagging at me.

My life has changed. I've changed. I shouldn't feel scared to speak freely in a space that I've created for just that reason. Two years ago when I started this blog, I expressed my desire to share without the worry of judgement. How did I share some of my darkest thoughts and shame filled experiences then and yet not be able to do it now? Why is it so hard to say that I've messed up, my life is a mess.

Jason and I broke up 8 months ago. I still occasionally mention him because we still live together. It's hard. If you remember, back in February, my grandfather passed away and I flew to Ontario to attend his funeral. When I returned, things weren't good and within a few days Jason had decided to leave.

At first I didn't want to except it. I cared for him but it was more than that. I didn't want to admit another failure in my life. We moved in together early because it was better for us financially. In the end, I exposed my children to another man who wouldn't be staying in their lives. A man whom they saw pour his energy drink over their mother's head and then hit her in the head with the can.*

Moving Jason in was a horrible decision for a mother to make. Did I do it because I truly believed we would be good? Or did I do it because I was lonely and tired of being the only person responsible for these four tiny beings? In my heart I know which one it was.

So we broke up. I didn't want to. I was scared to face being a single mom again, scared to be alone, scared to be judged. As time went on, Jason stayed. He couldn't afford to move out and pay his share of the expenses while still living here. We didn't get back together, but at times I thought we would. I wanted to.

The incident in with the energy drink happend in May. By then I was praying for God to give me the strength to let Jason leave. To take away any feelings I still had for him. Maybe that was the moment that it happend.

A month later I joined a church. I haven't attended church since I met The Ex, 8 years ago. I was scared of going into something I didn't know anything about anymore. Scared of being judged and treated like I didn't belong. And at times I have felt that way, but overall it's been good.

Years ago when Micah was just a baby, I prayed for a Daddy for him. God responded by telling me that it wasn't time, that I had to work on my relationship with Him before I could ever think of working on one with a man. It wasn't long after that I abandoned God and my faith and replaced Him with a man. Over the years, there have been many men. With each, a possibility of finding that love that I've longed for. Instead, they've hurt me more than I could have ever imagined.

I've been told that I was nothing more than a hole.

There were times that I believed that.

Others may not have said the words but treated me the same.

So I've returned to church, to God, to faith. I've been hurt by men more times then any person should in one life time. I'm working on my relationship with God. Im learning to be the woman I wanted to be 8 years ago; a woman who loves Jesus more than anything else. He wont hurt me or let me down. He'll hold me up and carry me through the tough times. Im still praying for that husband that I've always longed for. But I understand now that I haven't been ready for him. I wouldn't have been the wife that he needed, whoever he is. I know he's out there, I can feel it in my soul. When Im lonely or when I think about all the choices I've made, I think of him and how worth it he will be. One day I'll find my husband (I've even started calling him that) but until then, Ill continue to work towards being the woman God wants me to be.

Mercy

2010-09-17T10:35:00.004-02:30

Yesterday I committed to becoming a monthly sponsor of The Mercy House.

Its a new non-profit and for less than the cost of sponsoring a child, individuals can become involved in something so amazing and life-changing

Kristen is a beautiful woman of God who has become an inspiration for how I live, parent and see the world.

Please click that link

How did you spend your weekend?

2010-09-15T12:04:00.004-02:30

I had planned to follow the last post with a post of all that we did this summer, but my plans were thrown off when Micah's cold turned into an asthma attack.

He started school last Wednesday with a runny nose, but nothing else. That night he was tired, but I wasn't worried. Starting school each fall always makes him tired; add the obvious cold and there ya go.

Thursday, I sent him off to school noticing that he wasn't much different from the day before. That night, I had an evening class and didn't get home until after all the kids were asleep. I did notice that Micah was wheezing a bit in his sleep so I woke him and made him take his regular inhaler, then went to bed.

Friday morning I could hear the cold in his chest so I started him on his steroid inhaler and sent him to school with instructions to stay inside, not participate in gym and to call home, if needed. I picked him up and noticed how tired he was, so when we got home he went straight to the couch to lie down.

We only have one vehicle so I left to pick up Jason (my brother was home) but was gone for a lot longer than usual. Jason had a few stops to make and traffic sucked, being a Friday. I was worried about Micah the whole time. I probably had an idea of how bad he was, but didn't pay attention to it. This kills me.

After refusing supper, Micah just kind of laid around acting sick. It wasn't until later that evening when he had fallen asleep on the couch that I noticed his breathing. It was horrible. His chest would go way in with each breath but he didn't seem to be getting much air. So I woke him and wrapped him in a blanket for the drive to the hospital. We arrived around 9:45 and by 3am we were admitted and transferred upstairs. This was after recieving 5 masks. Micah fell asleep soon after but was woken by his oxygen monitor which beeped whenever his oxygen dipped below 90. He ended up needing an oxygen mask for the entire night while he slept, plus masks of medicine every two hours.

Anyway, long story short, it took from Friday night until Monday morning for his breathing to get to an acceptable level. We left the hospital around noon Monday with three appointments to various doctors, two prescriptions and instructions to follow up with our family doctor.

Micah has only been admitted once before when he was four. Since then I thought I had learned how to control his asthma, but I guess I've gotten lazy. Its been so long since he was that bad that I just didnt pay as much attention as I should have. My mom thinks that Micah should be old enough to know when he needs help and to tell me but I still feel like I should have been able to prevent this. If I had only started the steroid earlier, if I had only kept him home from school, if I had just not gone to school Thursday night. There's always so much going on that sometimes I don't pay attention to what's really important.

Back to school!

2010-09-09T11:09:00.006-02:30

Yesterday was our first day of school, though I know most of you went back weeks ago.

The day before, I didn't get out of bed until 9am; savouring every minute of my last summer morning. Bad idea. 6am came early yesterday and wow was I out of it all day. I had to take tylenol just to keep the sleep deprived headache away.

Moving on

The kids had mixed reactions. Like their mama, they didn't want to get out of bed. By the time they were dressed and came down to find their favorite breakfast, everyone seemed to be in a better mood. The breakfast by the way, was cheese eggs (scrambled eggs with shredded cheddar on top) and strawberries topped with whipped cream. Can't get much better than that!

We dropped the littles off with my SIL and drove to the school in good spirits. It wasn't until we were in sight of Noah's kindergarten classroom (from last year) that I realised he was having trouble with the transition. He didn't want to go in, didn't want to see his friends and didn't want to even say 'bonjour' to his old teacher!

After awhile he perked up and was able to let me leave. I secretly hung around though until his class made their way to their new classroom and teacher. I wanted to see where his room would be and who would be teaching him, as the former grade one teacher retired last year.

Meanwhile, I ran upstairs to check on Micah's class just in time to catch up briefly with another mom and walk with them to their new class. We were invited in for a few minutes to take pictures, but Micah wanted none of it. I was tempted to kiss him right there, but decided against it! Ha!

Both teachers seemed to be quite nice but fairly strict. I've mentioned before that my boys are in French immersion and so talking in English is discouraged. Personally, I didn't understand much of what Micah's teacher was saying to them but he seemed to. Noah's class gets everything told to them in French and then English so at least us parents had an idea of what was going on!

That night for another treat, I picked up a few things for an ice cream sundae bar. The kids had a blast!

Summer

2010-08-31T14:52:00.011-02:30

This is how we spent our summer:

A day trip to a nature park

Owen Baking with Mama

A Blueberry Festival (with rides and games)

Drives (that's a horse sculpture up there)

Random treats

Walking to a local restaurant for breakfast

An extended family portrait

Roasting Marshmellows in our Backyard

Visiting with Nephews

Birthday Parties

More Baking with Mama

Ice Cream Cones

Visiting a Local Farm

Building a Lemonade Stand and Selling Lemonade

More Birthday Parties

Sleepovers with Cousins

Trips to the Park

Walks

BBQ

Of course I forgot our camera on many occasions (like the ferry ride to a local island), but all together I think we had a wonderful summer!

Please watch:

2010-08-13T10:53:00.000-02:30

http://wearethatfamily.com/2010/08/coming-to-america/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+wearethatfamily%2FGaiB+%28We+are+THAT+Family%29&utm_content=Google+Reader

PEE

2010-07-23T21:10:00.003-02:30

Everyday I deal with pee in various ways.

Sounds gross already, doesn't it?

Today for example, I went into our main bathroom, beside my bedroom and found a large puddle making it's may to the door. Definitely pee. I didn't even have to check, Im that used to it. No one claimed responsibility.

Maybe an hour later, same bathroom; pee all over the toilet seat. This time I know it's my 6 year old's. He cleans it himself.

Through-out the day I performed the normal diaper changes for my 2 year old.

While sitting in my formal living room this afternoon, I noticed a smell that had been around for a couple of days. This smell (of pee) seemed to be coming from a chair we keep in the corner near the window. This same chair was a favorite spot for my now 3 year old when he was potty training but hadn't smelled previously. Upon further inspection, I find the cat bed which lays behind the chair, directly on the hardwood to be soaking with cat pee.

After experiencing a little fit over that *** who doesn't clean the damn cat box when he is supposed to, I sent the older two kids to clean their disgusting rooms. What emerged, was insanity. Pee soaked clothes headed for the laundry probably days after being soiled, wet spots on the carpet from either the above mentioned clothes or from cats looking for a clean (ha!) spot, and bed sheets which were not wet but had that distinct smell. DISGUSTING!

Then to top it all off, (and they're not even in bed yet) my two year old fell asleep in my bed this afternoon and woke with a soaked through diaper.

Between four boys and three cats, it's amazing I still have my sanity.

Summer

2010-07-22T09:28:00.006-02:30

Most summers start with big intentions and long lists outlining all the things I plan to do with the kids. Then, by the time September rolls around again we've barely done anything and all those promises I've made to the kids are left unfulfilled. Take last year; We went out and bought camping supplies, then before we could go I broke my ankle and was left unable to walk for weeks.

This year though, Im determined to give my kids the kind of summer I experienced as a kid. We did stuff and had fun. We weren't confined to out backyard everyday, (like my kids were last year) and we actually knew how to ride bikes (yes that means that only my oldest can ride a bike without training wheels).

There's not a whole lot of things to do in this city however and I usually have to really dig to find inexpensive family activities. This past weekend, Jason and Owen were out of town visiting family so it was just the older three kids and I, from Friday until Monday. We didn't have a vehicle but we decided to go for it and do as much as we could. It's not everyday that I get to be stroller-free on outings.

So Saturday we spent the morning doing our usual routine of lazing around and cleaning. Then, around 11am we left for an adventure that included 7kms of walking, ice cream at McDonalds, 2 family festivals, a visit with a friend, a trip to walmart and yes, a ride in a taxi. We got home completely exhausted but after a short break, one of my brothers picked us up for a pool party/bbq at Ross and Melissa's house. By the time we got home, the kids were beat and went to bed without much fuss while Mommy enjoyed a glass of wine and the quiet!

Sunday saw us walk to a nearby restaurant for breakfast followed by a trip to the candy store to spend the gift cards all three kids had been saving. We had a lazy couple of hours while I had a nap and roasted a chicken for dinner, but then we were off again. This time we went to one of the parks on our street and played for a long time with some neighbourhood kids. I even made a friend with another mom of four who lives on our street. Before heading home, the boys wanted to go for a walk along a stream that runs behind our house. They spent probably a half hour throwing rocks and other items into the water, while I sat patiently by. Eventually after the youngest had gotten his shoes all wet I convinced them to return home where we turned on the sprinkler and washed away all the dust and dirt from the day.

It was a fun weekend and exactly what summer is supposed to be.

Helping

2010-06-18T09:31:00.003-02:30

Hey

So I was going to write today about all sorts of things going on in our lives right now. I figured that since it had been so long since I last wrote, it was time to update you all.

But instead, when I logged onto facebook this morning I was greeted with a request by a family I knew back when I first became a mom. We were both very young moms together and spent a lot of Micah's first year playing with them. Then I moved to the city and we lost contact, other than through facebook.

I heard last year that her youngest daughter was born at 24 weeks and has been struggling ever since. Her lungs didn't have any time to develop and so she has been fighting to breathe and has not yet left the hospital. Her family live about an hours drive from the children's hospital here and if that wasn't enough of a burden with five other children, they've just received news that they'll have to travel to another province on Monday to see a lung specialist.

This is not a well off family. They're not even middle class. This is a young, struggling family with a child who desperately needs help.

Her aunt posted today asking for any financial help people can spare. One of the downsides of being poor yourself, is that most of the people you know are poor too. I've contacted her aunt about how to donate myself, but I thought I would pass on the request to anyone else out there who might be in the position to give.

If you would like to read more about little Amy Lee, visit her facebook group here
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=150526628308&v=wall

It was time

2010-03-27T13:22:00.003-02:30

Giving

2010-03-22T19:08:00.001-02:30

If you're in the giving mood, please visit this blog. Unfortunately this month, I can't afford to give but I'm keeping them in my reader and I'll look again in the coming months.

Spring!

2010-03-21T14:47:00.004-02:30

It's been beautiful here all week. The snow is finally starting to melt and bits of grass and mud are poking through. It's so exciting! If it wasn't for this nasty head cold, I would have been out in it so much more. :(

Today Owen and I went to church and then we picked up our friend Victoria for a visit to the international food and craft fair. It was part of my province's multiculturalism week and it was amazing. There was tons of great food, crafts and dancing. I forgot my camera, of course but I'll include some pics taken at home of what I bought.

Owen's just finally gone down for his nap so Im enjoying the quiet. The boys get home in another hour from their dad's house and Im just not prepared! I always have such a long list of things I want to accomplish on the weekends, but I only get around to like half of it. Once they come through the door today, Im sure I'll be even less productive. But it's worth it.

One of the big themes in my life right now is about letting go. I'm learning to enjoy all that I have and the gift of each day. It's amazing how much happier I am now that I've given up trying to get everything right. Stressing myself out to keep my house clean was only damaging myself and my family. In my mind, I was doing it for them, but in reality I was taking myself away from them.

Im so glad I had the chance to learn this lesson now and not when the kids were grown.

Anyway, Happy Spring everyone! I'm going to take a nap ;)

papa

2010-02-15T10:00:00.005-03:30

My grandfather passed last Tuesday evening in Ontario. My brothers and I got the call late Tuesday night and weren't able to get on a flight until early Thursday morning. The next few days were physically exhausting and emotionally draining as we went through the business of a wake, funeral, burial and various family gatherings. I arrived home around 1am Saturday night and other than a couple hours to clean the kitchen and grocery shop, I've been in bed. The exhaustion that Im feeling is more than trying to catch up on missed sleep or the fatigue that comes from travelling. Im trying to get back to normal, but it's slow going.

Jason's been wonderful and the kids have been surprisingly good. I don't have to go back to work until tomorrow, which is really good because I'd be useless anyway. Even the thought of having to pick up a skating helmet for Micah tonight seems so overwhelming.

I wasn't super close to my grandfather. We've lived in different provinces for over 8 years and I only visited him once during that time. Growing up though, he only lived a few streets away and I saw him nearly every day. He is the person I think of when I hear the words grandpa or grandfather or papa, like I used to call him. I named my son after him. He meant a lot to me, even though I really didn't know very much about his final years. He will be missed.

Simple Pleasures

2010-02-02T22:49:00.004-03:30

Kelly wrote today about simple pleasures in her life, which got me thinking about what I enjoy in my every day life. Seeing as how it's 10:50pm and Im trying to do NaBloPoMo for both of my blogs this month, I thought, "what the heck? Im already listing them off in my head, might as well post them." But boy was I wrong. The first few were easy and didn't even take any effort to think up, but after 5 or so, I really had to think. Maybe it's time I spend a little more time being grateful for my life.

So the list:

Owen's smile and simple "hi!" when I walk through the door. He's becoming more vocal and affectionate and it just melts my heart!

Hugs from Micah, my oldest. This is a new, rare treat and I can't help but wonder how many more of those Ill get.

Walking into work in the mornings feeling like Im doing something good for both me and for all of those moms Im helping to give a voice to.

Reading a book or watching a movie in bed, alone.

Jamie coming into bed in the middle of the night because he still NEEDS me. I miss waking up to the older two snuggling close to me.

Sit-down family dinners

My weekly women's group

Cuddling in front of the fire with my hunny, watching tv

Jamie's laugh

A clean kitchen

A really good cup of tea

Soft, smooth hair after a good cut

The satisfaction of sewing Bunny, Noah's current favorite stuffed animal. This is actually what I just spent the last 15 minutes doing. Bunny has been sewed so many times, there isn't much left to attach the thread to! Noah just loves him so much though and I know that in the morning his eyes will light up and his heart will swell with love. Just having the privilege to sew this stuffed bunny for my kid is something so simple, yet so amazing to me.

Total time: 16 minutes

this post is linked to the mom's 30 minute blog challenge

Making the most of it

2010-02-01T14:59:00.005-03:30

Today Im working from home, thanks to the lovely tonsil infection I can't seem to get rid of. Im not too upset about being home, I can acutally get a lot more done when I dont have to worry about driving. Instead my biggest issue is the screams and constant commotion coming from downstairs, thanks to my two oldest. See, when Im sick to the point that Im not well enough to go to work, Im also not well enough to drive all over the city. On any normal working day I spend 3+ hours driving not only myself, but all five other members of my family to their destinations. Im not about to deal with that when my body seems to be revolting. So, the kids get an extra day to their weekend and I get the fun of dealing with them.

Both James and Owen are stick as well so their actually the easy ones, needing only cuddles, juice and tissues.

I was two hours into working when I realised how silly my desk looked. Why yes, that is a light saber! And also a whole jar of peanut butter with what looks like a spoon but is actually a knife to spread the PB on the crackers, just out of view! See also, xbox game, tissues, empty coffee and coke cups and child's halloween notepad.

Today Im operating on the wise parenting philosophy of whatever works.

How's your Monday going?

links for today's post:

Mom's 30 minute blog challenge

2010-01-30T16:01:00.005-03:30

My oh my it's been awhile since I posted. This whole working outside the home thing is kicking my butt, big time. But Im enjoying it so it's OK. The work week flies by and we really enjoy our weekends at home. It's crazy but I feel like we are spending more quality time together now that we see a lot less of each other. So all things considered, it's going well.

But then there's this blog and my other one. I have to plan ahead just to have a couple hours on Tuesday nights to go to my women's group, which seems to be my limit of personal time each week. I mean right now, I've started to paint two different spaces of the house and then stopped. I could finish them, but Im kind of bouncing around to different things today and right now, Im just not feeling it. Maybe tomorrow I'll get both of them done which would be nice, because that means two more things to write about on my other blog. Im seriously that hard up. I've had a million posts lined up for both of them but when I think about the effort of writing that stuff, I get a little scared. Ah well, priorities, right?

So anywho, thinking back over the last month or so, the biggest thing that stands out is the addition of my new niece! I dont know if Melissa has written anything about it because I do not have access to her blogs anymore. We've barely spoke since last June, but I did get a chance to go by the hospital when the new little miss was born. I cant tell you how precious she is! Squee, Im positively delighted! And now I want another one. I girl this time, please.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Not friggin likely! Four is enough, even if they're all boys.

So to recap; veeeeery busy, happy, new niece, wanting another babes, seriously considering permanent birth control.

The end.

How was your January?

Recognizing my Issues

2010-01-11T09:56:00.003-03:30

Jason and I have our issues, just like any couple does. Lately though, it seems like everything is becoming an issue. I know that it's all interconnected and when you're in the middle of an issue, everything else seems kind of worse. It's hard though. It's hard to feel like your partner doesn't care (me) or have your partner yell at you (him) for what seems like weeks at a time.

I know I was PMSing and I know that the combined stress of the holidays/travelling/2 house guests/a throat infection all combined to make me into the crazed woman that I was last week, but holy crap it was bad. I was so upset with Jason and for nothing. I hate it when I get like that, when I KNOW that Im being totally irrational, but I cant seem to stop. All I need at those times is a little space and I can usually regroup and refocus to the point where Im totally OK for awhile.

But last week, my house was FULL and I had no where to go. I felt like all the pressure was on me to cook, clean and entertain everyone. Jason's brother was here and so they were off playing with wood and whatever it is that boys do. He was of little help at a time when it felt like the mess in the house was going to take over. There were two extra adults to cook for but no extra room in the budget. In the end that didn't end up being a problem because Jason's mom likes take out and would order a pizza mid-afternoon. But I still had to plan to feed them which was just added pressure.

At one point, I broke down crying and the only place I could go to be alone was the kitchen. But then Jason came in and tried (unsuccessfully) to help, followed by his mom who took a seat and watched the whole thing.

When a woman is having a moment, the worst thing to do is probably tell her how irrational she is being (or to watch). But that is Jason. He gets grumpy and pissy like the rest of us, but when he's in a good mood (which is a lot of the time) he doesn't understand other people's emotions. He actually told me, while I was standing in my kitchen crying, that nothing in this world is worth getting upset about. Really? That's supposed to help me out? How about leaving me the f*** alone? Maybe THAT would help!

Ahem

This is a big issue for us. Jason is definitely more easy-going and laid back then I am and I can see where we both have to compromise here and try to be a little more even. I need to relax and not freak out if I can't get the house clean enough, or take a few minutes and do what I feel like doing. And Jason needs to take over a little more of the responsibility of the house and step in before I get overwhelmed.

Things are changing around here and Im hoping it'll be for the better. I start work in a couple of hours and Im not going to be the one at home looking after anything anymore. Jason and I have talked about it, but from the way this past weekend has gone, I have my doubts. But Im not going to worry about that. I've set up the slow cooker for supper and Im trying not to think about the dirty bathroom floor or laundry piling up. Instead, Im going to drop the kids off to daycare/school and go off to work. Im going to enjoy my day of meetings and reorienting myself and then Im going to come home and enjoy the evening with my family.

Despite my desire for Jason to DO more, I know that the only way that I'll be more happy with life is if I let go of my need for perfection. Balance is what Im looking for in this new year and Im determined to attain it, but then again, not too determined :P

game nights

2010-01-06T21:11:00.009-03:30

This past week, we've implemented an almost nightly game night. Every night before the kids get ready for bed, whoever is available sits down to play a game together. Sometimes that includes all of us, and other times it's just me and the kids or Micah and Noah by themselves. It's been great!

When we moved into this house, we ended up throwing out most of our board games because they were damaged and had so many pieces missing. So this year we made that a priority for Christmas and asked other people to give the kids games as well. I must say that we've done well. After having only three or four games mostly suited for adults, we're a little overwhelmed with all the choices of things to play now.

The Muddled Sage wrote a post a few days ago about her family's favorite board games and so I thought I'd do the same. So far we haven't had the chance to play all of them yet, but I'll still show you what we have.

Zooreka. We've had this game for a year or two and we all enjoy it. The boys can all play it too, which is nice when they're so different in ages.

Scrabble. I actually just bought this for Jason for Christmas. I had a coupon so it ended up only costing me about $2.00 We've played it the last couple of nights after the boys go to bed and it's a lot more enjoyable then I thought it would be. Jason and I usually end up laughing like a couple of kids by the time we're done.

Basttleship. This is one of those games that I can remember playing as a kid and thought the boys would enjoy too. I don't actually remember if we gave this to them or Santa. Hmm....

Thomas' Great Race James got this for Christmas from his grandparents but we haven't played it yet.

Simpsons Monopoly We've had this one for years and it has somehow stayed intact.

An Evening of Murder This is one of those Murder Mystery games. We bought it in the fall but haven't found 6 people brave enough to play it with yet.

Mr Bucket. We gave this one to Jamie this Christmas as well, but still have yet to play it.

Monopoly City is probably one of the most asked for games so far, but once again haven't tried it.

We actually bought Jenga for Micah for Christmas but then Jason's aunt gave the kids a set as well so we just popped ours in the neighbors' kid's gift bag.

Frogger DVD game. I don't even know what this one is about!Earth DVD Game. Same as the Frogger one. I don't even know where these came from, only that they were here on boxing day.

Chess. Micah got this for Christmas, except a bit nicer of a set that he keeps on his shelf in his room.

Hedbanz is seriously fun. The first time we played was with Jason's brother and it was the funniest thing to see him with a cow stuck to his forehead and Jason with a pickle!

Gator Golf. Jamie actually picked this up today with Christmas money from Jason's mom. All the kids love it, even if they do spend most of the time riding the clubs like they're on a horse.

Cranium, Family. We still haven't been able to play this one because it's a little old for our boys. We may be able to pill it out in a year or two though, which would be great.

Cranium, The Ex and I used to play this with friends a few years back and we always had fun. Jason and I are thinking about starting up another game night with friends. This would be a definite hit if we did.
Clue. My all time favorite game. I used to play this with my friend Mary when I was a kid and have kept one for the last few years in my bedroom closet.

A fresh start

2010-01-05T13:56:00.003-03:30

Well Im back and I've got a lot to say!

Actually, I don't. There have been a lot of things that I've wanted to blog about over the past couple of months, but Im not going to go into all of them now or I would be here for days.

So Im starting Fresh.

It's a new year with lots of new things happening and that's what I'll focus on, instead of what I've missed.

So first things first, I start work again full time on Monday. I couldn't be more excited! The research project that I've been working part time with for the last three years is hiring me on to help out with some really exciting things. I haven't gone over all of the details with the lead researcher for our site yet, but I know Ill definitely be assisting in arranging a conference that will be happening here in April. I also will be speaking at that conference and possibly another one in Toronto in the summer. There are academic papers being written that I will have a hand in and lots of working with the data that we've been forever collecting. This is so what I want to be doing right now in my life. The only downside is that it's only guaranteed for one semester and then I'll either go back to part time, helping where I can or continue full time until September.

Jason started a new job yesterday. He was laid off the week before Christmas with one week's notice but on his last day, went by another shop and got himself another job. It is the same rate of pay, same hours and in the same area. Instead of installing cabinets though, he's cutting counter top instead. He seemed pretty happy about it yesterday but I think the work is a little more tiring for him. We'll see how it goes. But what a blessing to not even have to go one day being unemployed and yet still have two weeks off for the holidays!

Rayden surprises me everyday with his maturity and confidence. I was raised in a family that believed in support and encouragement and I've tried to give my children the same. We were always taught that we could do anything we wanted, that the only thing standing in our way was ourselves. From the person that Rayden is becoming, I can already see that outlook shining through.

A few years ago he would talk a lot about what sports the other boys played as extra curriculars and what toys they would bring to school. Whatever the fab was, Rayden wanted to be a part of it. And so is normal for children. This year though, he instead talks about his love for guitar and rock climbing, two things that I don't think anyone else in his class takes part in. He knew he had an interest in those things and I was happy to provide the opportunity for him to explore them. He also decided that because of his love of legos, he would be bringing his completed models into school instead of whatever fad toy the other kids were bringing. This morning, on the drive to school, he told me that the other boys are starting to bring in legos as well and that it's becoming a popular toy again in his class. How neat is that? I love that he can stay true to who he is, for now anyway. Who knows what he'll be link when the dreaded teen years take over!

~~Chris~~ Noah started kindergarten this year and after a little rocky start, he seems to be doing well. He is a math whiz like his brother but still cant recognize letters, in french or English. We're working on that with him.

I've decided to stop using the pseudonyms for the kids, so:

Rayden=Micah
Chris=Noah
Michael=James
Josiah=Owen

So much simpler!

And last, but definitely not least, I've started a new blog! A Girl and her Blog will continue to be about my family and the things I want to record and document. The new blog Decidedly Domestic will be where I talk about my interests in all things domestic. I'll talk about organization, cleaning, do-it-yourself, decorating, gardening, cooking, and the list goes on. I hope you all join me in my newest adventure, and join in the fun.

I'll be back...

2009-11-24T13:40:00.003-03:30

So for awhile this blog has been a little off. I started it to document the kids lives and as a place to vent. I was going through some things and needed a non-biased place to discuss what was going on inside my head. Now, all of that is over and it's been months since I really discussed anything to do with the kids. As much as I love the community that I was starting to feel a part of and as often as Im online reading blogs, I've lost the desire to write here. I think it is mostly because I don't know what to write. Or what to write about. I think I need to redefine what I want to use this space for and come back in January with a fresh start. So to anyone who may still be around reading this, I'll be back in about a month with plenty to say.

The one where I ramble a lot and complain about how busy my life is

2009-10-02T09:33:00.004-02:30

Things have just been so crazy around here, I barely have a minute to think. Im actually forgetting all sorts of commitments and errands that need to be run. It's madness.

We moved into our new home Sunday officially but were bringing things over since last Monday. The house was in great condition so I didn't have to do much cleaning and that really helped. I did start painting the upstairs bathroom, thinking I would have time to get it finished before we moved in. But that didn't happen. I've done three coats and it needs another one. Then I have to unpack the whole thing. Who knew one family could have four boxes of bathroom stuff? I have no idea how we fit it all in the smaller bathroom in the last house. Sheesh.

Then there was my mother's long-awaited visit. I haven't seen her since last December so I was really looking forward to it. She arrived Tuesday just after four in the afternoon and stayed with me until Yesterday until around two. Less than two days with her just didn't feel like enough but I know I have to share her. From my place, she went to stay with my Aunt for a night, then with Ross and Melissa for a night, then two nights with my other brother, before flying out in the wee hours of Monday morning. Its a tight schedule so I understand, but it was still hard.

We were able to get in some shopping alone together and I don't think I've ever had as much fun. We went for a coffee without the kids, grocery shopping with my younger brother (who just started University and is now living with me), and a career fair, of all places. It was a busy couple of days.

By yesterday I should have heard from my old landlord about getting our deposit back, but instead he hadn't responded to any of my emails in over a week. I was getting really nervous and sent him a final (and somewhat threatening) email about my lease term being up and his responsibility to schedule an inspection. He then calls from his cell phone within an hour to make an appointment for last night. I was already swamped* and hated to take the time then, but wanted it done.

When we actually did the inspection, he pointed out the most ridiculous things and said that I could either re-clean the place or loose my $675 to pay for cleaners. I couldn't believe it. Jason and I spent hours going over that house and he found every little mark on the wall or bit of dust he could. In the kitchen he even checked on top of the cabinets for dust. I was just in shock most of the time and couldn't wait to get out of there. So now I have to go back today somehow with the four kids to fix everything on his list. And the worst part of all of it, is that he may not even give it back when Im done that! I've had to bring a landlord to court before and I will do it again, but it's just annoying.

*Im not sure if I've mentioned this on here, but Rayden and I have started a very large paper route. He wants to go to Florida, like so many of his classmates do every year and because I just can't afford that, we made a plan. If we deliver these papers for a year, we will have saved $5000 and can use that towards any trip we choose. If we continue to deliver them each year, then we can continue to pick a vacation each year and sometimes maybe a couple of smaller ones. The only problem is that it's 460 flyers and both last week and this week, they were really late getting to us, causing our whole schedule to go out of whack. If it's just Rayden and I, we can do the whole lot in about six hours and for $100, that's not bad. It's one day a week in exchange for a vacation every year. I think it's a win for everyone involved, but just a little annoying when there are so many other things going on.

And to top this whole week of madness off, one of my brothers had a cat that caused his allergies to go crazy. He put up with her for so long but in the end decided that she was too much and asked me to take her. Now, I have a cat myself and Jason has two. Adding another cat into the mix seems like a bit too much if you ask me, but I couldn't say no. If I didn't take her, then she would have ended up at the humane society for a little visit and if no one adopted her, she would be destroyed. That was too much to bare and so I took her in. We now have four cats, four kids and three adults in this house; so much for getting some extra room!

Now here it is Friday morning and Im looking forward to the weekend. We have another 230 flyers to deliver today and swimming lessons both today and tomorrow, but then the kids go with their dad for a night and I get to see my mom again at a BBQ. It's going to be a quiet weekend of Jason and I getting our new home in order. Except. Jason's mom just called and she is on her way in for the weekend!!! We knew that she might come out Saturday with her man, but we didn't think she would be staying with us. Apparently that's not the plan though. So there goes my relaxing weekend as now I have to spend the next three hours before they arrive, getting as much unpacked as I can. The blankets and sheets that my mom had for the pull-out couch haven't even been washed yet and I can't find any pants for the two year old.

Wish me luck!

tired

2009-09-22T07:42:00.004-02:30

Man, I just don't even know what to say. There has been so much going on and so much to talk about but I never feel like doing the actual writing of this blog lately. Im all blah I guess. Seems to be a theme sometimes around here.

We move this coming Sunday. I am in love with my house, it is the nicest place that either Jason or I have ever lived in. Im beyond excited! We went there yesterday to get the key and while everyone else was inside, Jason and I were in the back garden talking about how this house feels too nice for us. It seems like a dream. Its a strange feeling, really. We don't own the house and are in fact just renting, but it feels like ours. We can stay there for the next five to seven years if we choose, and we are allowed to do whatever work we feel like doing in terms of upkeep. Jason is excited to paint the decks and fix the crown molding in the bathroom. Im excited to pick my own damn paint colors (which I already have, more on that later) and tend to my own gardens. It'll be amazing.

Before then though, we have a lot of work to do. I've bought paint for a couple of the rooms and Id like to get that on the walls before we move in. But we also have a lot of work to do around our current house before we meet the landlord for the final inspection. We've repaired the damage to the walls but we still have to paint over those spots. The carpet has a few stains that need an industrial steam cleaner (my job for today), one of the blinds in a bedroom has been broken and the new one has to be installed, the fridge/stove top/dishwasher have to be cleaned and I have to go over all of the walls with a magic eraser. Im tired just thinking about it and the fact that I want to spend every moment in the new house now, makes it all the harder. But Im happy in the direction that our lives are going so I don't mind putting in the hard work to get there.

All in all, Im happy and excited, but also tired. Hopefully I'll get around to posting a bit more in the next week before I loose internet for a couple of days.

the planning begins

2009-08-31T12:40:00.003-02:30

I've decided to do a lot of hand-made crafts this year for Christmas. Im not so sure I'll be able to pull that off for the boys but most of the extended family will be getting baskets filled with various hand made things. I've found a few really cute ideas that I can't wait to put together but I need a lot more. Im not super into crafty things, although I do enjoy paper crafts. So, um...HELP!

I know it's only September (almost), but you really have to be organised for this stuff. I will be doing my Christmas shopping for the kids and everyone else right after the move in early October, so I need a list of all supplies soon.

Example:
Yesterday Swistle mentioned the homemade vanilla extract and I fell in love with those cute little bottles. I know that Im going to include those in the baskets but I'd like to do a trial run first and they take a month.

Does anybody have any ideas? There are people of all ages, men and women and even dogs and cats that I can include things for. Any ideas or websites would be super helpful.

********only 116 days to go**********

That makes me a little sick too. Yikes!

decisions, decisions

2009-08-24T12:42:00.003-02:30

I've decided not to take the trip. At the moment, I just cant spend the money on something like that knowing that I have so many expenses. The cost of the trip is close to the same amount of all the extra-curriculars that kids want to take this fall. And when I think about it, I would love to spend those few days with my friend and visiting my family, but I would feel guilty if the kids couldn't take swimming or guitar lessons.

Maybe if I get a decent-paying job, I'll go to Ontario with a kid or two next year. I know that Rayden and I have talked about all the fun things there are to do there and maybe that is the better idea. We'll see.

The other decision I've made is to get an evening job while I wait for something better and in my field. I haven't wanted to go this route because with paying for child care, I would need to make about 35 000 just to pay my share of the bills. Take off that child care and its more like 22 000. So if I take something that doesn't pay well but is easy to do and I can tolerate, then I think that is the best route for now. At least it will allow us to remove some of the financial stress and give me some time away from everyone. If I can find something where I work maybe 4/5pm to 12/1am, five days a week, I think it would be perfect for now. I could still be with the children during the day and have time to work on homework with them, while making supper. Then I can leave them with Jason for the evening/bedtime routine and be home early enough that Im not exhausted the next day. Now I mean I would be tired, but I might be able to work in a nap or two through out the week.

So that's the plan. Any advice or thoughts ladies?

What should I do?

2009-08-21T20:33:00.004-02:30

Amanda moved out of province almost five years ago to be closer to her family. Last week she came back for a visit and made the quick decision to move back here to NL. Apparently this will happen in less than a month. Im pretty used to the spur of the moment decisions of Amanda, but this one caught me off guard. I'll actually have a good friend in town, something I've been lacking for a couple of years.

The best part of all of it is that Amanda has asked me to make the drive with her. The plan would be for me to fly to Ontario Thursday night and then spend Friday through Sunday driving east. I was immediately excited but now Im doubtful. The whole thing would cost me about $500 and with everything else right now (moving/back to school/Christmas/not working) Im not sure if that would be a wise idea. I feel like I really need the break and getting away for three days with a good friend to just recharge might be what I need.

The other perk of taking her up on her offer is that I would get a night back home. I've been in NL for 8 years and only visited home once. Ontario is still my home and probably always will be but I think Im bound to NL. My grandfather is 88 and may not be around much longer so a visit with him would mean a lot to me, not to mention all of my child hood friends that I would like to see again. The last time I was home, the whole facebook craze hadn't quite caught on yet so I didn't have contact with so many people.

Sigh. I'd love to go and do this but Im really not sure. Part of me wants to just book the ticket and part of me is saying no. What do you think?

sons and daughters

2009-08-16T12:40:00.002-02:30

“But boys are so much easier!” They told me, “Why would you want a girl? It’s all drama, drama drama...” And so the conversations would go. Every time I mentioned my desire to have a girl, almost every mother in the room felt the need to fill me in on how lucky I was that mine turned out to be boys. I couldn’t argue with them, I am lucky to have four wonderful, healthy boys. But that shouldn’t negate my desire to raise a daughter.

Boys and girls are different, just as one child is different from the next. All four of my boys have different personalities and dispositions that have nothing to do with their gender. My oldest is thoughtful, skilled in spatial thinking and hyper. My second son would rather play video games then eat and is as cuddly as a teddy bear. My only niece is a rambunctious two year old that loves to dance and has a firey temper. None of these personalities are tied to the gender of the child that owns them. Just imagine the description of my niece’s personality, had I said she was a boy. It wouldn’t make a difference, would it? Any child could be rambunctious, love to dance and have a temper.

So why do we hold on to this stereotype that girls as a group, are harder to parent? Why do we think that our sons will love their mothers deeper than our daughters will? Parenting and raising children is so much more than the everyday struggles that those flawed arguments focus on.
My longing to raise a daughter has nothing to do with the frilly dresses or pink barrettes (though they are adorable!). I want to be the mother of a girl because I want to raise a woman. I want to teach her everything that I was taught and everything that I wish I had been taught. I want to give her confidence and teach her humility; show her her worth and teach her to love; embrace her sexuality and teach her not to be ashamed; give her the tools to become anything that she wants to be and the courage to find her path.

I want to be the mother of a daughter so that I can be a part of that mother line. We come from our mothers and we live on through our daughters. We connect through our shared experience of being female and being mothers. As women we share a special strength and I believe that the relationship between mothers and daughters is an expression of that strength.

I am a mother, and I am lucky to be one. In time, I may be granted the honour of raising a daughter or I might not. If that is the case then I will continue to raise my sons to be the best men that they can be and through them my granddaughters will come. If I teach those same skills of worth, love, confidence and courage to my sons, they will pass those on to their daughters.

I may not be a part of the mother line, in the way that I had always hoped I would be. But with my sons, I am still a mother and I have the same job to do.

more blahness

2009-08-15T09:30:00.003-02:30

It's been two full weeks now but it feels like an eternity. except for a few times when I lost my balance, I haven't put any weight on my right foot since I hurt it. Which means no driving, walking or standing. Basically I either crawl or hop around the house and the two times that I had to go out were nightmares with the crutches. It royally sucks.

I am fully aware that the summer is passing me by. Where I live, you have to take full advantage of the nice days because they will be gone very soon. In fact, we had planned to go camping this weekend and my biggest concern was the weather. Now Im stuck home with a foot that I cant use and it's absolutely gorgeous outside.

The kids have been suffering too. I've let them play outside a little but mostly Im afraid that something will happen and I wont be able to get to them on time. There are no windows where I can sit with my leg up and keep an eye on them either. It's just frustrating. School starts again in three weeks and I may be going back to work full time around then as well. I need this foot to heal but damn it, I have no idea when that will be.

When I was in emerg the second time, the doctor went back and forth as to whether or not to put a cast on my ankle. She knew there was a crack in one of the bones but I had already gone 6 days without a cast and there was no change. From that I got the impression that it wasn't that bad. In the end she decided to cast it and told me that I would hear Monday when I needed to come back to see the orthopedic doctor. He could then decide if I needed a cast or not. So when I got home that night and there was a big crack in the cast as well as a large area that didn't set properly, I thought the whole thing foolish. But then the pain set in. I've never had a cast before but I didn't think they were supposed to be painful. If I didn't keep my leg completely straight, the cast would shift and put pressure on all the wrong areas. Before long, I cut that damn thing off.

But now Im wondering. I didn't hear about my appointment until Thursday and now Im forced to go in on Monday, the day that I have an interview on. I don't know if taking the cast off was the right thing to do, but I don't think I could have made it 10 days with that thing anyway. All I want is an idea of how long this is going to take to heal and instructions on how to make that happen. I need to know if the small stretches that I've been doing to keep it loose are OK or if a little weight on it would break it worse. I have absolutely no idea. If the first doctor that I saw hadn't decided to send my x-ray to the radiologist as an after-thought, I would never have known of the break and I would have been putting weight on it now.

Im at the point now where Im considering having someone come in to clean the house. Jason can do some things but his idea of clean is well below mine so I am continually frustrated with the state of the house. My bathroom hasn't been cleaned since the day before I hurt my ankle, that's 15 days people! Jason will spend a couple of hours doing a few things around here every day or two but what takes him an hour, I could do in 15 minutes. He talks about it never ending and all I can think is well, duh! We've been very, very low on food lately and so I have to send Jason out to pick things up every night for supper. The thing is, he spends way too much money on a single meal and never picks up anything else. I even went through the effort to compile a complete list of everything we need, including brands, sizes and prices. Then I set it on the desk with my points cards for the various stores and waited for him to come home from work so that he could go get the stuff. But then the man decided to stop by the grocery store on his way home and spend another $40 on a single meal to save him the effort of going out again, even though I TOLD HIM that I needed him to do a full grocery shop that night.

Don't even get me started on all the errands that I have to run. I cant leave it to him either. I have a cheque sitting here that needs to be deposited into my account but he keeps forgetting to do it and I cant even find another way because he hasn't remembered to give me back my bank card from two weeks ago! I have a bunch of things I need to mail and I have to do the kids' back to school clothes shopping this week.

If only I knew how long I had to stay off my ankle. If it's one more week, then I can deal. I can plan everything for the following week and I can make a reservation at one of the camp grounds for another weekend. We aren't doing any other vacations this year so camping was supposed to be our treat. I can plan out my packing schedule and start buying the few things we'll need for the new house. I can actually envision my house being CLEAN again, and to my standards! We could go to the beach a few more times and check out a few playgrounds. I could show the kids the new house and community we'll be living in.

In the mean time though, Im left to sit here and fret about maybe having to stay like this for another month or two. Then that brings all the worries about how I'd get the kids to school or actually get my house all packed up and cleaned. We have a few repairs around here that need to be done before we leave and a few things that need to be replaced and if I leave it all to Jason, we just wont get it all done. Sitting around and thinking about all of these things is crap for my anxious, obsessive personality and Im sure Im driving everyone nuts.

Until I see the orthopedic doctor on Monday, Im going to continue to make my lists and browse decorating web sites for the new house. I pretty much have everything decided already but maybe there's something I haven't seen yet but would just love. All I know is that I have to keep busy with other things or Ill go insane waiting to walk again.

The New House

2009-08-14T16:09:00.001-02:30

this is the result of two weeks on the couch...

2009-08-12T10:45:00.004-02:30

I haven't given in to the twitter hype yet but those of you who are friends on facebook would already know that we are moving next month. I got the email last night from the woman who we will be renting from confirming that we are the chosen tenants and to call her with a time to sign the paperwork. We are so excited! This house is absolutely gorgeous and in a very family-friendly neighborhood. The owners are going to be out of the province for at least five years so the plan is to stay in the house until they come back and hopefully have the money by that point to buy our own.

There are so many great things about this move that my mind keeps bouncing back between them all. First, there are four bedrooms instead of the three that we have now. Josiah has been sharing with us up until now but we've been thinking that he needs his own room. He still wakes up once or twice each night and we're hoping that by giving him his own space, he'll give up that little annoyance. Rayden will have his own room, as he does now, but it will be on it's own floor. He is really excited about that.

The yard is beautifully landscaped with a deck and workshop for Jason. We wanted to get a small pool but Im not sure there will be room for one because so much of the yard is done in flowers and such. But all the kids on the street make up for it and Im sure the boys will be back and forth between each other's houses anyway.

The one down side to the move is that even though it's only about 15 minutes from where we live now, it is actually in another city, which brings all sorts of problems with it. There will be new by-laws to learn and we'll have to figure out a new Y, swimming pool, parks, grocery store, schools. We are actually fairly close to a large shopping area so I know I wont have trouble with most of our daily needs, but there is still a fair amount of anxiety over it all. The Y that we go to now is on the far side of the city we currently live in so if we were to continue to go to that one, it would be a 30-45 minute drive. I know that there is one in our new city but I think it's actually spread out through-out the city. The pool is separate from the gym and the children's programs are separate still. Not my idea of convenience. So that sucks.

Schools are the other major decisions we have to make. There is one within walking distance but it doesn't have french immersion. The only options we have are to keep the kids where they are which would mean a 20-30 minute drive or switch them to the only french one in our new city, but still have to drive them. The new school has bus routes, but we don't happen to be on them because we are so close to the other school. Guh! The drive is probably only about five minutes to the new french school but Im wondering if it's worth the anxiety for Rayden now that he has had three years with the same kids. I will probably be working in our current city so it may just make sense to keep them in their current school and just arrange for child care before and after school. Decisions! I tell ya, if we were on the bus route for the new school I would just deal with the switch for the ease of putting them on a bus every morning.

____________

In other major news I've got another interview for Monday morning. They wanted to meet with me tomorrow but because of my ankle, I asked if we could book a later day. I still hadn't heard from the doctor at that point, so I just hoped that Monday would work. Then I got a call from the hospital with an appointment for Monday morning as well. The doctor is at 9:40 and the interview is at 11:30 so I could possibly have time for both, but there is no way to tell. Im just going to have to bring a watch with me and leave by 11 if the doctor is running behind. I know my ankle is important but Im really getting frustrated with the level of care my hospital is giving me. The sprain is better and I am getting my range of motion back but Im afraid to put any weight on it at all in case that does damage to the fracture. I need the OK from the doctor before I even attempt that. So yes, it is important that I see him but if he wants to put a cast on it or something, I probably wont have time.

I know it sounds like the obvious solution would be to change one of the appointments, but the hospital makes the doc appointments and I would have to wait another week to see someone and by then I could have done more damage if Im doing something wrong. As for the interview, I could call them back and try to go in tomorrow but Im not prepared at all and Im still hopping around a bit too much to look very professional. Another five days and an OK from the doctor may be just enough to give me a touch of gracefulness as I enter the interview room.

But yes, back to the interview. This is actually for two jobs within the same organization. One of the local non-profits is starting a new housing resource centre and they are hiring four new people for it. The positions that I applied for are a housing and tenant relations officer and a housing support worker. Both are entry-levelish but the pay is decent. The non-profit has a good reputation in town and if I can get a foot in the door with them, I think it will be the beginning of a good career. So Im definitely excited!

I've been applying like crazy for the last two weeks again for every job that Im even a little qualified for, so Im not worried. Even if this one doesn't work out, there have been lots of other opportunities lately and hopefully I'll get a few other interviews.
____________

I feel like there is just so much going on. We're moving and obviously there's a ton of stuff that needs to be done with that. But then Im also hoping to secure a job in the next couple of weeks, get the kids ready for school (It's Chris's first year OMG!), and deal with a broken ankle. Oh! And my mom is coming for a visit at the end of September. If all the dates work out, she will be here and staying with us for a couple of days, about three days after we move. So not only will we be trying to get everything packed up here and moved over to the new house, I'll also be a bit frantic trying to unpack enough to have a house guest. It's my mom so I shouldn't be too worried about it all, it not like she'll care. But when I think about trying to visit with her around all the boxes and crap everywhere, I don't like the image. AND it's also the first time that she will meet Jason. So wow, big visit!

I haven't spoken to Melissa or our other SIL since the incident a few months back and I've only seen one of my brothers so Im not so sure how the whole family time with my mom will work out either. Every time I speak with my mom on the phone she brings it up and tries to get me to let go of it all. I just cant do that. This SIL is the same person who attacked me last year when I lost my house and then almost a year later, does it again but this time PUBLICLY. How can I just let her back into my life and open myself up for it again?

There is no way to know if she'll do it again next year or the year later and I don't want to give her the opportunity. The way I explained it to my mom was that I've had enough of a struggle myself trying to get out of the depression and such that I've been dealing with over the last couple of years. If I allow someone in my life that has the power to one day, out of the blue throw me back into all of that, then Im going to be on egg shells. I want to be happy and live a normal life. I don't want to have to struggle and fight my way back out of depression because someone who is supposed to be family decided to attack me again. So I leave it and avoid calling their house or having anything to do with her. My brother still calls me for various reasons and comes by, but I haven't seen my two little nephews since it all started. Nor have I spoken to Ross or Violet. Melissa is different, because she is the one who had the conversations with SIL about me but pretended like she had no issues with me. I don't mind what she did so much but the way that my brother and her made such an effort to cut me off from them, there is no repairing that. They are expecting another baby and I don't so much as get an email. My mom forwarded on the email they sent to her so that I would be aware, but that's how much they have cut me off. They have both removed me from facebook and msn and unlike my other brother, I haven't heard a word from Ross. So Im guessing that they don't want anything to do with me as much as I don't want anything to do with SIL. It's all a shame really and something I try not to think about. But now with my mother's visit and her wanted to spend time with everyone, I have to decide whether or not to give in and participate or loose out on the extra time with my mom and brothers.

Anyway, before I go on any further with that crap (like it wasn't enough already!), Im going to end this. I've got a lot going on at the moment and very little of it is what I though I would be doing at the end of this summer. But then again, I'd gladly replace a camping trip and a visit to the strawberry patch with a new house and job.

the sprain that wasn't

2009-08-08T09:45:00.004-02:30

So after 8 hours at the hospital again yesterday, it was determined that my sprained ankle was in fact a fractured ankle. It actually took about 7.5 hours for a doctor to actually look at my chart to determine that I was only there to be told of the fracture. To me, that's insane. I waited four hours last weekend and was sent home and told to keep it up for a few days. Then I get a call to come back in and Im the one that's supposed to wait for them? They messed up in the first place!

Anyway, they put a loose cast on it and sent me home. I should hear from another department on Monday about an appointment to see if I actually need a cast or if I should just stay off of it for a few weeks. The cast that was put on it was more of a precautionary thing, but that after a week of it just being wrapped, it was still just as it was when I hurt it.

So I cut off the cast.

I seriously tried to sleep with that damn thing on but the part that was covering the fractured bone wasn't even solid because the doctor did something weird to it and the side ended up not hardening. After about ten minutes of laying in bed with pain shooting through my foot I said 'fuck it' and went off in search of scissors. 20 minutes later I was back in bed and falling peacefully asleep. Damn doctors.

First they mess up what the problem is, then they make me wait 8 hours to be told how they messed up. To make up for it they quickly cast my leg, only to mess that up too and cause me more pain then I had to begin with. They should have just made me an appointment the other day when they called me to come back in. I mean really, what did they expect they would be able to do? If they had made the appointment, I'd be two days sooner actually knowing anything about it. At this point I have no idea how long this will take to heal or if I'll need a real cast or anything.

Im cranky and tired and want my damn ankle to feel better.

On the plus side, it's Rayden's 8th birthday today. We're not doing much because of the ankle but we've got a few plans. He's busy playing his wii with his cousin at the moment but I should get off this thing and start on the tacos for lunch.

Have a great weekend ladies.

Updates

2009-08-06T17:54:00.004-02:30

#1. So the foot:

Sunday morning, almost 24 hours after it happened

.....And today:

Yes, it hurts. I got a call this morning from the radiologist asking that I come back for more x-rays and a reassessment. I couldn't make it today, which really freaking sucks because now Im all worried and stressy thinking about what could be wrong. It's been five full days and I still can't put any weight on it. Fail!

#2. Astarte also asked about the job and I realised that I forgot to tell you all. I actually turned down the job. It was seriously low pay and would actually barely pay for child care. Im still hopeful that I will find something in my field soon. I have three job ads saved in windows on my computer at the moment waiting for me to put together application packages for each of them. Then tomorrow the careers section of the local paper is released online for the week. So we'll see.

#3. I've been reading a lot of fiction lately. And not just any fiction, this stuff is trashy, sometimes badly written, and pointless. But I'm loving it. Jason is a big movie buff and Im not so much. So reading now gives me the perfect opportunity to sit with him without being bored to death! I spent 6 years in school without so much as a summer off and so I stayed away from books for awhile but now I seem to be in full force. I devour them in days or even hours. The best part is the last three that I have picked up were from stores within five minutes from my house and they were all under 5 dollars, on clearance. Love it!

Now all I need is for this ankle to heal up so I can enjoy the rest of this summer.

On second thought, keeping my leg elevated gives me lots of time to read. Hmmm....

Owie, ow

2009-08-04T13:34:00.003-02:30

Saturday evening we had planned to have a BBQ with a few friends in the backyard. To prepare, Jason and I were doing little cleaning projects in and around the house. We didn't have a huge amount of things to do, but it was enough to have me a little stressed. Around noon I spotted the pack n play and decided to bring it outside just in case we need to throw Josiah in it at some point during the evening. So I grabbed it and headed outside. As I was stepping through our back door onto the patio, I happened to see Jason across the lawn and I called something out to him. In regular me fashion, I didn't bother to pay attention to what I was doing and instead totally focused on what Jason was doing (sitting down, drinking a beer).

In an instant I was on the ground screaming in pain. Jason came running over and I screamed at him to just leave me alone! don't touch it! OMG! Within about 5 seconds my ankle had swollen to look like a freaking baseball was sitting under the skin.

I've sprained my ankle many times but this one was bad. It was a lot like the last one which had me laid up in my apartment for a week. I couldn't even think about leaving because 1) I couldn't get down the three flights of stairs and 2) I couldn't drive. This is a lot like that time. Im doing a lot of crawling around the house and Im basically useless when it comes to looking after the kids. Jason has to work all week even though he is owed a stat holiday and he took on a side job tonight after work. This all means that it's pretty miserable around here.

I haven't uploaded the pics from this time because I cant muster up the energy to hop myself into the kitchen and rummage around for the cord. It looks horrible though. The bruise is so dark and reaches from almost my toes to half way up my calf and all the way around the ankle.

I don't know how I keep doing this to myself. It seems that every other summer I end up doing it again and it's always the same ankle. My mother has the same curse and has had to learn to walk extremely careful. Im usually very conscious of how I walk or what I wear on my feet but here I am again, because of one split second of stupidity. Damn.