Link up

Im participating in a link up today at Kelly's Korner for working moms. Since my life is so crazy with #5 being only 2.5 months old and lots of work hours I haven't been updating the blog like I should.

So for anyone who is visiting from KK, Hello! Im a 30 year old mom of four boys and an infant girl, living in Newfoundland, Canada. I work from home as a children's event planner full time and a business manager (for my husband's company) part time. Trying to find 45 hours each week for work between school runs, household duties, extra curriculars and breastfeeding is my challenge right now.

hehe!

Our children attend three local public schools where they are in the French Immersion program. Homeschooler, I am not. Thankful for the opportunity to stay home with my littles, I am.

Baby Lillian

Well that was definitely an unplanned blogging break. I just wanted to stop by quickly today and introduce the newest member of our clan, Lillian Elle Marie:

She was born 5 days late on July 25th at 6:50pm. She weighed 9lbs 9 oz and was definitely the most difficult labor of all my children. Perhaps Ill write her birth story one day.

21.5 weeks

As I had predicted, I missed last week's pregnancy update. Though there really wasn't much to say.

Im 21.5 weeks today and other than baby movements, I don't feel very pregnant. I still only see the doctor every 4 weeks, so between appointments, I just go about my daily life. My energy is mostly normal these days, though if my sleep is interrupted at all, I have a really hard time.

One thing I have noticed, is that my usual food preferences have returned. I've always just kind of eaten what I wanted. There have been times in my life where Im satisfied with half a sandwich or a yogurt for lunch and other times where I find myself going to the fridge two or three times in an hour. I eat what looks good and listen to how much my body wants.

During the beginning of every pregnancy, my appetite has always dropped. I spend the first few months eating quite healthy because those are the foods my body is craving. Between the two preferences, I always feel like Im doing really good. During this pregnancy, I couldn't stand to drink any pop or eat any junk food. Coffee, ice cream and large portions went out the window.

But now it's all back! Waaahh!

I was happy to be free of those food preferences and to be eating healthier. It bothers me that I prefer now to grab a can of coke than a bottle of water. Hopefully this too will pass and Ill get back to wanting real food again.

My eating is not what this post is supposed to be about though! Last week we went to get an ultrasound done again of baby because we couldn't get the measurements we needed the first time. When the tech finished up, I asked her what gender she thought the baby might be. During all 20 or so ultrasounds I've had in the past, I've always been asked if I wanted to know. This tech said that because I didn't mention it, she didn't even look! I was like, oh heck no! We wanna know! And, the results are........

closed legs and a cord in the way!

 

 

Not really! Well, actually yes, but she also saw a little somethin' and pronounced us to be having a little girl!!! We are soooo excited and can't wait to welcome baby Lillian this summer!

Frumpy

Lately I've been thinking more about the way I look. I've never been one to care too much, but I guess being at home so often and being pregnant has gotten me into a bit of a funk.

With that being said, the first time Jason came to my house, I was wearing pjs. Really. Maybe it's not so much of a recent issue...

So, this morning when I came across To Love Honor and Vacuum's challenge to "Fight the Frump," I knew it was something I should probably take part in. So “I’m fighting the frump at To Love, Honor and Vacuum this week!”

Some of the things that Sheila will be talking about (body shape, proper fitting bras, etc) aren't necessarily for me, but I think I've come up with a few ideas of my own. Today is confession day, so behold, my typical Monday morning look:

 

Super long hair and plain, grey, men's sweater

 

Grey sweat pants and fuzzy socks

I am NOT a morning person. Our typical week day mornings consist of my getting the two middle kids up and dressed, while Jason gets himself ready for work and wakes the oldest. Then I pack lunches and make breakfast while Jason gets Owen dressed and downstairs. We get the kids cleaned up and make a run for the door for hopefully 7:20. Then I spend a little more than an hour driving everyone where they need to be. Seriously, it takes an insane amount of time to drive to two schools and Jason's work.

By the time Owen and I get home, it's 8:30 and time for me to start my work hours. I usually rush to get Owen set up with something while I grab a bowl of cereal and sit down at my desk. If Im lucky, Ill get all of my computer stuff done within 2-3 hours and I can start to get some cleaning done before lunch.

I leave to pick up the kids at 2:30, so the afternoons are a rush of errands and anything I didn't get done in the morning. I need to spend about 5 hours each day on the business, as per my contract so I try to get most of that done during the day.  Once I leave to pick up the kids though, all bets are off. It takes about 45 minutes round trip because Micah is finished 20 minutes earlier than his brothers. By the time we're home, I have about 45-50 minutes to deal with the school papers, get the boys started on homework and chores and put supper on. After that, I make a mad dash to pick up Jay for 4:30 and come home to feed the clan.

Really, I just feel like Im constantly rushing around from the time I wake to the time I get supper on the table.

BUT, I know that time isn't my issue. I can find 10-15 minutes in my day to do my hair, put on some decent clothes, deal with nails or eyebrows, put on a bit of makeup or jewelery. I can find time to pick up properly fitting clothes to deal with my ever expanding belly. I can make an appointment to get my hair done more than once per year. I just choose not to.

I am definitely guilty of thinking that because Im home and doing the kinds of things that Im doing, that I don't need to look good. But that's so wrong.

Jason, is a perfect gentleman in this area. He would never tell me outright that there was something about my appearance that bothers him. So, with that in mind, I've started a few discussions with him over the last year to get an idea of where he thinks I need to improve. He's so silly though.

The only thing that came out of the first talk was my winter coat. He said it looks like a man's coat and it really bothers him.  This was last year and I had every intention of buying something different for this winter. But then I was pregnant and it was a little too easy to talk myself out of it given my changing shape. Really though, I should have just gone and gotten something more feminine. If nothing else than to show him that his opinion matters.

Our most recent talk focused more on my actual appearance and I was happy to hear he and I were on the same page with most of it. My hair hasn't been cut since my bridal shower 10 months ago. It's long and damaged and just needs some attention. This was the top item on Jason's list. Following that were the typical buying myself the clothing I need instead of wearing his or looking frumpy, buying new shoes when I need them and not just whatever bargain shoes I can get away with and finally, loosing some weight. Now, I know some women would take issue with a husband saying this but it really is true. I was nearly 230lbs when I became pregnant. I KNOW I need to make changes and get healthier and I really don't have a problem with him telling me so. I know he loves me regardless and finds me attractive either way.

So after all of that, I definitely think I need to be a part of this challenge this week. Hop on over and join us.

Struggles

On the way to school this morning the boys in the back seat started a conversation about their future careers. I guess this got Jamie to thinking because he then started to come up with a plan on how he was going to move his stuff out of our house. He figured that he would just box up all those small child-sized clothes that he wears now and bring them with him for his kids. Kinda smart, I thought.

Then! Oh my, then he starts talking about how he will find a home without a daddy so that he can move there and be the daddy. My heart broke.

My little 6 year old's view of becoming a father is moving in with a family.

It's obvious how this happened, but I hadn't realised that this was his view. The Ex and I broke up when I was pregnant with Jamie. We spent some time trying to reconcile after the birth but by the time Jamie was about 6 months, The Ex had moved on and was in a new relationship. Unfortunately that new relationship was responsible for a lot of the breakdown in my boys' relationship with their father. Where he used to be attentive and involved, he would only bother to see them once every week or two. Where he used to be the fun, silly parent he was now strict in creating rules in his new home. A lot of this was due to him living with his g/f who didn't have children and who was afraid he would leave her and come back to his family. It took a long time for them to work out these issues and by then, the boys had lost their father.

We were a family ourselves, but I always knew they were hurting. Their uncles would help in some ways, staying involved so that they would have men around, but it wasn't enough. They missed their dad. Through all of it though, I hadn't considered how much this situation was shaping their worldview. Jason moved in last year after we were engaged. At the time, James had just turned 5. I believe the marriage and our constant vigilance regarding the issue has allowed some healing and now 3 of the 4 boys call Jason Daddy. Micah is holding off but he is so starved for male affection that despite his best efforts, he is coming around. He and Jason spend a lot of time watching guy movies or shows or playing video games. It's their bonding time and hopefully with time and effort, they will have the father/son relationship they need.

I was sad for Jamie when he talked about his plans this morning. But after having a chance to think it over, Im more grateful that he now has a Daddy that can show him how to really be a man and a father one day.

19 weeks

Im 19 weeks, plus two days today.

I finally received our wedding pictures Saturday, so I spent all weekend going through them and posting to facebook. This is why Im a little late with my update. Who can blame me though? I mean Wedding Pictures!

Our ultrasound was Friday morning and of course, we had a storm come through the night before. We woke up to unplowed roads and no school. We made it though and had only a short wait, I guess because of cancellations.

Baby was really uncooperative though as most of the images were really hard to see. The tech printed off two pictures for us, but even she was disappointed with the quality. You can see the little peanut in the picture above though, so I'll proudly display this one until we can get a better one.

Some of the measurements were impossible to get so they had me walk around for an hour and eat a snack to try to get baby to move. Nothing seemed to work though so I get to go back for a bonus ultrasound next week. Despite the hassle of getting there first thing in the morning and dealing with child care and school issues, we are happy to see the baby again. Even moreso since baby had it's legs crossed during the entire exam!

18 weeks

Finally! 18 weeks is always the time I wait for during the first half of pregnancy. I know that gender can be determined a little earlier, but I've always had my ultrasounds at 18 weeks. This one is set for Friday morning so I still have 6 days to go, but still, we're finally here! Yay!

Baby is apparently the size of a sweet pepper at this point, though given my weight I really can't tell. I don't normally gain much weight during pregnancy and actually usually end up weighing less once baby is born. This pregnancy doesn't seem to be much different, though I conceived 20lbs heavier than I have ever been before. Im not really sure what happened, but a few years ago, I ballooned over a period of less than a year, gaining about 65 lbs. I don't worry too much about my weight but I have to admit, it's gotten to be a bit much.

The last time I weighed myself was before our honeymoon. At that time I was 228 lbs which is what I've been for at least a year. Once I found out I was pregnant, I weighed myself again and came in at 222. I've dipped down to around 215 while sick, but overall, I stay right around 222. So, even though baby is indeed growing, my size has made seeing any changes in my belly, impossible.

I can feel the movements quite strong, though Jay can't feel them from the outside. It's a little sad that I can't share this with him yet. He, like me was a little upset when we first found out, worried about what this means for the children we already have. Thankfully though, he's come around and is excited, even impatient, for this new little one.

We're both hoping for a girl, Jay even going so far as to ask what shade of pink we should paint the nursery!  Hopefully everything will go well on Friday and we'll have the chance to see our littlest member, and maybe even it's gender too.