Though Ive been incredibly slack with my devotional time lately, I've noticed an increasing awareness of God in my everyday moments. It was only a little over a year ago that I began attending church again and 9 months ago that I fully committed myself to Christ. I've gone from living a life of anger, hate and hurts to truly knowing the grace of God and His peace that comes from a personal relationship with Him.
How truly blessed I am.
At least a hundred times each day I find myself face to face with His Truths, my sin, His Grace, my ugly, His Love, my inadequacy, His Teaching, my faults, His Peace. Everywhere I turn and in everything I do, there He is guiding me, teaching me, holding my hand. His gentle prodding has created a new me. Without my even being aware of it, I have become someone new.
Of course, I still have my faults. I am human and that is our nature. I yell and get angry more often than I should. I feel cheated and want to strike back when I feel someone is asking too much of me. I say 'no' when really all I should be saying is 'yes.' We are commanded to give of ourselves, to take up our cross. Follow the example of Jesus Himself.
I talked about this with my boys today after finding a blog post about the 'Duggar house rules.' In it they mention J.O.Y. : Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. Even in instructing my children, My God is instructing me. I am so thankful.
Where would I be if it weren't for His Grace? What would our lives be like today if He had given up on me all those years ago (when I gave up on Him)? This is why I praise Him with every breath. Of all the hurts in this world, I know for certain that He will walk with me, gently pushing in the direction I must go. Never again do I want to be blind to His direction.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
busy
Ive forgotten how hard it is to work outside of the home as a single parent. I've never actually done it before, always being either in school or living with someone. So ya, makes sense why I wouldn't remember. It's a tough situation made even worse by my crappy child care.
Im up at 6:30/7ish to get the older two and myself ready. We leave the house at 8. My goal every morning is to leave the driveway by 8:07, which usually happens, though certainly not every day. Then I have 23 minutes to drop the kids off to school and drive to the other side of our neighboring city to the church where I work.
I spend between 8:30 and 4:30 doing mostly admin work, which seems right up my alley but also a little beneath my qualifications. I have no idea how much education the pastors get but Im willing to bet that my 6 years of post secondary is probably more. Im the new person and technically only a temp so it can be rough. Most people are really great and if I can look past the normal human behavior (which does not exclude Christians) and the office politics, it's actually quite fun. There are days where there is almost nothing to do and I've occupied myself so far by cleaning out the supply/copy room, my filing cabinet and now the small groups resource room...there's probably a lot more time in my near future that could be spent this way but unfortunately Im running out of rooms to clean!
Anyway, I get off work at 4:30 and fight my way through highway traffic until I get home, usually around 5. There are a lot of days where I don't leave until 4:45 or so and then Im rushing all the more because Im sure my babysitter is eager to get home. Unfortunately when I do get home there is that much cleaning, mail, cooking, school papers/homework and children's needs to take care of, that I don't actually get to stop until I put them all in bed at 8:30. It's like I work a full two jobs every single day. And here Ive been trying to work out how to pick up a part time job to help pay the bills! Doubtful.
So here I am, at the end of one of these marathon days with two children still awake after 9pm and a mountain of laundry that should have been done on the weekend. Though Im tired, my work isn't done.
Last year when I worked outside of the home at the university, I don't remember being this stressed. I didn't take a lunch and therefore was able to leave at 3pm to pick up the kids from school. But I was also spending an extra hour each day driving Jason to and from work while we tried to get by with one vehicle. Supper still had to be cooked, cleaning still had to be done, homework and school papers still had to be completed. How did it all work then? I know Jason was here and he must have added some help but he wasn't one for doing those tasks. Maybe just by keeping the kids out of my hair he was allowing me to just move that much faster, thus being done at an earlier hour...who knew?
I didn't mean for this post to be complainy. That sucks. Ha! I kill me!
See how tired I am?
...and it's only Monday
Im up at 6:30/7ish to get the older two and myself ready. We leave the house at 8. My goal every morning is to leave the driveway by 8:07, which usually happens, though certainly not every day. Then I have 23 minutes to drop the kids off to school and drive to the other side of our neighboring city to the church where I work.
I spend between 8:30 and 4:30 doing mostly admin work, which seems right up my alley but also a little beneath my qualifications. I have no idea how much education the pastors get but Im willing to bet that my 6 years of post secondary is probably more. Im the new person and technically only a temp so it can be rough. Most people are really great and if I can look past the normal human behavior (which does not exclude Christians) and the office politics, it's actually quite fun. There are days where there is almost nothing to do and I've occupied myself so far by cleaning out the supply/copy room, my filing cabinet and now the small groups resource room...there's probably a lot more time in my near future that could be spent this way but unfortunately Im running out of rooms to clean!
Anyway, I get off work at 4:30 and fight my way through highway traffic until I get home, usually around 5. There are a lot of days where I don't leave until 4:45 or so and then Im rushing all the more because Im sure my babysitter is eager to get home. Unfortunately when I do get home there is that much cleaning, mail, cooking, school papers/homework and children's needs to take care of, that I don't actually get to stop until I put them all in bed at 8:30. It's like I work a full two jobs every single day. And here Ive been trying to work out how to pick up a part time job to help pay the bills! Doubtful.
So here I am, at the end of one of these marathon days with two children still awake after 9pm and a mountain of laundry that should have been done on the weekend. Though Im tired, my work isn't done.
Last year when I worked outside of the home at the university, I don't remember being this stressed. I didn't take a lunch and therefore was able to leave at 3pm to pick up the kids from school. But I was also spending an extra hour each day driving Jason to and from work while we tried to get by with one vehicle. Supper still had to be cooked, cleaning still had to be done, homework and school papers still had to be completed. How did it all work then? I know Jason was here and he must have added some help but he wasn't one for doing those tasks. Maybe just by keeping the kids out of my hair he was allowing me to just move that much faster, thus being done at an earlier hour...who knew?
I didn't mean for this post to be complainy. That sucks. Ha! I kill me!
See how tired I am?
...and it's only Monday
Saturday, May 14, 2011
may reads
I never used to understand how people could read multiple books at one time, but it seems that Im now one of those people. I enjoy reading and have books that fit my many different moods. Somehow it works.
So what Im reading for the month of May (all pics from Amazon):
Of course my bible
I happend across this series a few months ago at our library and I really like it. Im actually sad when I have to wait to go get another one. Ive finished both of these this month and just dropped them back off. :(
This one is right up my alley in so many ways. Maybe it's my sociology coming out, or my work in female empowerment or possibly just my humanity. The statistics are blunt and the stories are both heart-wrenching and hopeful. Definitely a recommended read for anyone.
A friend sent this book to me. It's actually four books, and it's too bad the picture doesn't actually show how thick it is. I've read only the first book "black." Definity not something I would choose for myself, but it's well written and so I can see myself finishing it. Probably not this month though.
This is a book Im sure most people have heard of and recommend. I couldn't stand it. Maybe it's because I only gave it a couple of hours but it just didnt do it for me. I would return it to the library but I have no idea where it is...sucky because I just got an overdue notice.These next few dont get read as often, but I keep around so Ill pick them up when the mood strikes.
As someone who has never read the entire bible, I like that this book points me to scripture I might not otherwise have read. It's an easy read too so it's nice to have in my purse for those unexpected moments with nothing to do.
I dont even know where to start with this one. Ive been reading it for months. Its heavy and contradicts some of my natural tendencies so it's something I dont usually grab. I do want to read it though, just not in a rushed way. It's the kind of book that deserves your full attention; kinda like when I was back at university and took a course in HKR...so much focus required!
Ive got a few of these books, each one focusing on a different aspect of mothering. I picked them up in Portugal though they're published in Canada. The conference I was speaking at was organized by the same people who are involved with this journal. Definitely academic.
There's also a book that we're reading at work. I know I haven't yet discussed what it is Im now doing but Ill get to that in the next couple of days. The book is called "Incarnate Leadership" and we're almost through. We spend the first half hour of our weekly staff meetings doing a little study where we discuss each chapter. Being the new person and the lowest in rank, I dont contribute much. I would have added a pic, but blogger kinda sucks right now.
As someone who has never read the entire bible, I like that this book points me to scripture I might not otherwise have read. It's an easy read too so it's nice to have in my purse for those unexpected moments with nothing to do.
I dont even know where to start with this one. Ive been reading it for months. Its heavy and contradicts some of my natural tendencies so it's something I dont usually grab. I do want to read it though, just not in a rushed way. It's the kind of book that deserves your full attention; kinda like when I was back at university and took a course in HKR...so much focus required!
Ive got a few of these books, each one focusing on a different aspect of mothering. I picked them up in Portugal though they're published in Canada. The conference I was speaking at was organized by the same people who are involved with this journal. Definitely academic.My friend and co-worker gave me the next couple to read. I tend to put off those books that others recommend, given that everyone has different tastes. For this reason I've yet to open them. That will change tonight though given that Im down to only a few active books.
There's also a book that we're reading at work. I know I haven't yet discussed what it is Im now doing but Ill get to that in the next couple of days. The book is called "Incarnate Leadership" and we're almost through. We spend the first half hour of our weekly staff meetings doing a little study where we discuss each chapter. Being the new person and the lowest in rank, I dont contribute much. I would have added a pic, but blogger kinda sucks right now. And that's it; my reading list. You're welcome :P
Friday, May 13, 2011
euphoria
Maybe there's a silver lining in our monthly battle with pms.
A bit oxymoronic, isn't it? I know, but hear me out.
This week Ive been near tears on many occasions, Ive yelled at the kids, Ive fallen down the stairs (it was early morning and I was still half asleep), Ive gotten overly annoyed at the smallest things... this list could go on for awhile.
Today however, it seems the birds are singing and life is once again OK. The only difference is (TMI warning) that Im no longer dealing with the "pre" in pms. Im full into the "m" and couldn't be happier.
Maybe it's just me. Maybe my slant towards the super hormonal means that I just have it worse. I don't have a lot of physical symptoms (other than the sleeplessness) but the depression is a killer. Just last night I cried myself to sleep because of an irrational fear that I would die and my kids would become separated. Today? Im good. Its alll gooood. C'est la vie! The pressure that has bound me all week has been released and life is once again beautiful.
So I ask again; was going through this week worth this reminder of how good life can be?
Perhaps.
Just don't ask me again in three weeks.
A bit oxymoronic, isn't it? I know, but hear me out.
This week Ive been near tears on many occasions, Ive yelled at the kids, Ive fallen down the stairs (it was early morning and I was still half asleep), Ive gotten overly annoyed at the smallest things... this list could go on for awhile.
Today however, it seems the birds are singing and life is once again OK. The only difference is (TMI warning) that Im no longer dealing with the "pre" in pms. Im full into the "m" and couldn't be happier.
Maybe it's just me. Maybe my slant towards the super hormonal means that I just have it worse. I don't have a lot of physical symptoms (other than the sleeplessness) but the depression is a killer. Just last night I cried myself to sleep because of an irrational fear that I would die and my kids would become separated. Today? Im good. Its alll gooood. C'est la vie! The pressure that has bound me all week has been released and life is once again beautiful.
So I ask again; was going through this week worth this reminder of how good life can be?
Perhaps.
Just don't ask me again in three weeks.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Portugal
Since Im so far behind in blogging, Ill try and get out a few posts before I loose the motivation again...though Im really not promising anything. < ----- Obvious negativity, not the best way to start writing :)
So. Portugal! It all seems so long ago that Im sure Id miss a lot of detail if I tried to actually recount it all, so lets look at some pictures, shall we?
Up there is the Castelo de Sao Jorge
And this is taken from the castelo de sao jorge of the place I was standing to take the other picture :D Over by the corner of the far away white building.
This man was good enough that I bought his CD...really enjoyed it; Pedro Godinho
Belem Tower
That would be me on the right
Monument to the discoveries
This is from Fado house #2
Estroil
Coffee kinda sucks
Off season in Cascais
So. Portugal! It all seems so long ago that Im sure Id miss a lot of detail if I tried to actually recount it all, so lets look at some pictures, shall we?
Up there is the Castelo de Sao Jorge
And this is taken from the castelo de sao jorge of the place I was standing to take the other picture :D Over by the corner of the far away white building.
This man was good enough that I bought his CD...really enjoyed it; Pedro Godinho
Belem Tower
That would be me on the right
Monument to the discoveries
This is from Fado house #2
Estroil
Coffee kinda sucks
Off season in Cascais
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Apparently
when I actually have things to blog about (trip to Europe, meeting a new guy, breaking up with new guy, A child's birthday and party, finishing a 5 year project and finding a new job), I dont feel like writing? Odd...
Monday, March 14, 2011
January's Facebook Status Updates
At the end of 2010 I used an app on facebook that took a random sample of my status' throughout the year and put them into a collage. I thought it was really neat to be able to look back at the day to day and so I've decided to record my status updates here. These are from January of this year. I guess for those of you who use twitter, this would be the same idea.
January 1
Cant keep doing this alone. What happens when I mess up? Who's there to take up the slack? Im just not strong enough to carry this whole load on my own.
January 3
Wants to Scream!
January 3
Is it bedtime yet?
January 4
The boys aren't allowed to play video games until after lunch so they're going around with a playstation controller pretending to control each other's movements.
January 5
I know I should be doing something...
January 6
What's with everyone having had a crappy sleep last night? At least Im not the only one
January 7
TGIF, have some sick little boys today...everyone of them is either throwing up or sneezing on everything. Somehow I dont think Im going to get through this without getting something myself.
January 8
It finally looks like winter in NL
I feel like I should be doing something just because the boys are gone for the night, but it's so cold outside that I just want to wrap myself in a blanket and read a book. I think Im a 27 year old spinster.
January 9
Now we're all sick :( Always happens when I haven't gone shopping in awhile and the house is already messy. Just gotta survive today...
January 10
Thankfully I was able to sleep last night but Im still feeling gross while all the boys are better and hyper. This is horrible.
this is worse than labour
What a day, even when Im sick! Old drama from years ago brought back again and an offer to go to Portugal for work.
January 11
Me: "Jamie, why are you in your brother's bed?" Jamie: "Because my brother's squishy."
January 12
Wishing this flu would go away....I was almost better yesterday and here it is back again
January 14
Woke up at 6:45 to my neighbour snowblowing my driveway...he didn't even have his done yet. And thanks to my daddy and brother, I now have snow tires on the van...just in time! It's amazing how many people have helped me out in the last couple of days.
is heading to Portugal in a month....craaaaaazy
January 15
wishing my body would get the memo...its been a week, get over this flu already!
not a fan of this whole being single thing
January 16
sitting here waiting for my belly to settle so we can get ready for church.
early bedtime tonight....these kids have been fighting me and each other all day!
January 17
After 8 days, Im finally feeling almost normal today! Yay!
Back from a movie date with my Micah...he's so grown up!
January 19
Looking at flights for Portugal...this is gonna wear me out! Its like 36 hours of travelling, there and back.
Mmm hot chocolate with rainbow marshmallows
January 20
Needs 50 word bio by tonight...help! Im terrible at writing about myself.
haha you can tell that my kids go to a middle class school...the principle sent home a pamphlet asking for donations to a silent auction. Suggestions? Flat screen tvs, a week at a vacation home in Florida or other destination, IPADS, netbooks...
January 21
Jeez only on a Friday! The doors were frozen on the van this morning and instead of waiting for me, the kids thought yanking on the handle would help...nope, it snapped off instead. We musta looked funny at that "middle class" school when the kids had to climb through to the front door :P
having doubts that I can learn enough Portuguese in 4 weeks...total words so far? 3
Mothering and Motherhood in the 21st century: Research and Activism, February 18-19 Lisbon, Portugal...so freaking excited!
January 22
Cant wait for girls night tonight! Great friends, great food and....glow golf? hehe...gonna be fun!
January 23
Putting the kids to bed and having a quiet night at home...feels like this weekend flew by!
January 24
Oh what a Monday! Toilet training 2 little boys, driving people around 4 separate times, baking 5 dozen cinnamon buns and trying to learn Portuguese...eek!
January 25
Freezing! Wish I wasn't scared to light a fire, that was always Jason's department.
I hope Jamie is feeling better for mom n me tomorrow...poor little guy had a fever tonight and went to bed at 6
January 27
The boys school is closing in 20 minutes because of impending weather and now I have to get all four little ones into the van and hope that Micah's class is back from his field trip...yuck
has no desire to get involved in church politics. It's sad but I feel like Im either being asked to pick sides, being very obviously ignored/looked down upon or getting asked personal questions that have nothing to do with those asking them. I go to church to worship, learn and spend time with other Christians, that's it. A very kind thank you to those few who have worked to make my family feel welcome.
January 29
trying to put together a menu plan for the kids while Im in Portugal is insanely hard...there's very few meals that they will all eat. Suggestions appreciated!
Ive done it! Roasted chicken with homemade fries two separate nights, cheese eggs, pancakes with bacon, frozen homemade soup (for 2 kids and frozen pizza for the others), chicken burgers or hot dogs and one night of take out....not too bad :) and wont cost me a fortune!
so.cold.
Saturday night seems like a crappy time to be writing about research activities facilitating community engagement and activism...
January 31
home with some sick little boys today :(
"I have never loved so fiercely something that was capable of being this annoying" -Sundry
Eu sou perdido. Onde está o banheiro? Translation= Im lost. Where's the bathroom? hehe, should probably memorize this one
*I never want to forget the conversation from January 11, it still makes me laugh!
January 1
Cant keep doing this alone. What happens when I mess up? Who's there to take up the slack? Im just not strong enough to carry this whole load on my own.
January 3
Wants to Scream!
January 3
Is it bedtime yet?
January 4
The boys aren't allowed to play video games until after lunch so they're going around with a playstation controller pretending to control each other's movements.
January 5
I know I should be doing something...
January 6
What's with everyone having had a crappy sleep last night? At least Im not the only one
January 7
TGIF, have some sick little boys today...everyone of them is either throwing up or sneezing on everything. Somehow I dont think Im going to get through this without getting something myself.
January 8
It finally looks like winter in NL
I feel like I should be doing something just because the boys are gone for the night, but it's so cold outside that I just want to wrap myself in a blanket and read a book. I think Im a 27 year old spinster.
January 9
Now we're all sick :( Always happens when I haven't gone shopping in awhile and the house is already messy. Just gotta survive today...
January 10
Thankfully I was able to sleep last night but Im still feeling gross while all the boys are better and hyper. This is horrible.
this is worse than labour
What a day, even when Im sick! Old drama from years ago brought back again and an offer to go to Portugal for work.
January 11
Me: "Jamie, why are you in your brother's bed?" Jamie: "Because my brother's squishy."
January 12
Wishing this flu would go away....I was almost better yesterday and here it is back again
January 14
Woke up at 6:45 to my neighbour snowblowing my driveway...he didn't even have his done yet. And thanks to my daddy and brother, I now have snow tires on the van...just in time! It's amazing how many people have helped me out in the last couple of days.
is heading to Portugal in a month....craaaaaazy
January 15
wishing my body would get the memo...its been a week, get over this flu already!
not a fan of this whole being single thing
January 16
sitting here waiting for my belly to settle so we can get ready for church.
early bedtime tonight....these kids have been fighting me and each other all day!
January 17
After 8 days, Im finally feeling almost normal today! Yay!
Back from a movie date with my Micah...he's so grown up!
January 19
Looking at flights for Portugal...this is gonna wear me out! Its like 36 hours of travelling, there and back.
Mmm hot chocolate with rainbow marshmallows
January 20
Needs 50 word bio by tonight...help! Im terrible at writing about myself.
haha you can tell that my kids go to a middle class school...the principle sent home a pamphlet asking for donations to a silent auction. Suggestions? Flat screen tvs, a week at a vacation home in Florida or other destination, IPADS, netbooks...
January 21
Jeez only on a Friday! The doors were frozen on the van this morning and instead of waiting for me, the kids thought yanking on the handle would help...nope, it snapped off instead. We musta looked funny at that "middle class" school when the kids had to climb through to the front door :P
having doubts that I can learn enough Portuguese in 4 weeks...total words so far? 3
Mothering and Motherhood in the 21st century: Research and Activism, February 18-19 Lisbon, Portugal...so freaking excited!
January 22
Cant wait for girls night tonight! Great friends, great food and....glow golf? hehe...gonna be fun!
January 23
Putting the kids to bed and having a quiet night at home...feels like this weekend flew by!
January 24
Oh what a Monday! Toilet training 2 little boys, driving people around 4 separate times, baking 5 dozen cinnamon buns and trying to learn Portuguese...eek!
January 25
Freezing! Wish I wasn't scared to light a fire, that was always Jason's department.
I hope Jamie is feeling better for mom n me tomorrow...poor little guy had a fever tonight and went to bed at 6
January 27
The boys school is closing in 20 minutes because of impending weather and now I have to get all four little ones into the van and hope that Micah's class is back from his field trip...yuck
has no desire to get involved in church politics. It's sad but I feel like Im either being asked to pick sides, being very obviously ignored/looked down upon or getting asked personal questions that have nothing to do with those asking them. I go to church to worship, learn and spend time with other Christians, that's it. A very kind thank you to those few who have worked to make my family feel welcome.
January 29
trying to put together a menu plan for the kids while Im in Portugal is insanely hard...there's very few meals that they will all eat. Suggestions appreciated!
Ive done it! Roasted chicken with homemade fries two separate nights, cheese eggs, pancakes with bacon, frozen homemade soup (for 2 kids and frozen pizza for the others), chicken burgers or hot dogs and one night of take out....not too bad :) and wont cost me a fortune!
so.cold.
Saturday night seems like a crappy time to be writing about research activities facilitating community engagement and activism...
January 31
home with some sick little boys today :(
"I have never loved so fiercely something that was capable of being this annoying" -Sundry
Eu sou perdido. Onde está o banheiro? Translation= Im lost. Where's the bathroom? hehe, should probably memorize this one
*I never want to forget the conversation from January 11, it still makes me laugh!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)