Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The story behind our honeymoon

I dont know if I ever pictured my wedding growing up. I was never the type of girl to play dress up or with barbies, preferring to run around outside with my brothers instead.

Even when I was engaged to The Ex, I didn't give the wedding that much thought. I looked for ways to have a fairly cheap celebration and planned a low key affair of only a couple thousand. In the end it didn't happen and we separated before anything was ever really in place.

This time, I had bought all the invitation supplies before many of our friends even knew we were engaged. I dove head first into the planning and have since spent a full nine months on the details. My parents are helping with the cost and so we have more options, but there's more to the differences.

Jason and I have had to deal with comments about the size of and hoopla surrounding our wedding day from both family and friends. Our decisions have been questioned time and again, mostly because of money (though culture does come into play as well). Why are we having a big wedding (there's only 97 people!)? Why not just h'ordeurves? Why pay for a venue with a bar instead of a hall where you can bring your own alcohol? Why a plated meal? Why a DJ? Why formal invitations? Are chair covers necessary? Why are we renting tuxes?

It's been difficult but the bottom line is this:

Jason and I have never done or planned anything simply the way we wanted it. We've always compromised because of finances, our social position, the kids, life. We make choices every day based on the baggage we carry around from our pasts. Of course, everyone does this. Im not saying that others dont  have issues that affect their choices, that would be absurd. Instead, Im saying that perhaps because I was a single, high school drop out, teen mom, I made choices that a married, financially secure, mature 30 something mother wouldn't.

Maybe I can explain a little further.

In the data from the professional research I do, women who are struggling financially or socially sometimes over compensate by spending more money on things like clothing or shoes for their children simply to avoid further attention. If they're already being judged because of X then they will do whatever they can to avoid being judged because of Y, when X and Y tend to go together. Make sense?

So with that logic, Jason and I are working hard to have the wedding we want and aren't willing to compromise because weddings like ours aren't for people like us. We're starting our married life together by claiming our positions in this world. We do not want to live in the shadow of our pasts simply because culture says we should. We are jumping head first into this life and have thankfully learned a few things from our pasts to help us make our dreams a reality.

This starts with the wedding but will continue long after.

One way this is happening is that Jason and I are honeymooning in Rome next month. We're taking a week to connect as a couple because we think it's important. We met when I had four children and have had to work around the kids to have any sort of relationship, so this week of just the two of us will be a first. We're also the first people I know to take a honeymoon.

Now I have to be honest here and say that our honeymoon isnt being paid for completely by us. Not even half of it is. My brother is gifting us with the flights and my parents have gifted us with our hotel. We found both through selloffvacations for a good deal and are beyond thankful for the help. We set up a honeyfund registry instead of a regular one so that loved ones can choose fun activities for us to do as opposed to gifting us with a better toaster. Everything we do there will be paid for by us, unless people gift us with certain opportunities. Either way, we're prepared and super excited.

Never have Jason or I dreamed that we'd have this big, somewhat expensive wedding and a honeymoon in Rome but are beyond thrilled to be starting our lives together this way.

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