Friday, October 31, 2008
So, this is my front entrance...Ooooh, exciting!
And here is my much-more-exciting living room:
and my super retro kitchen that hasn't been updated since the house was built:
Notice how I didn't even clean up before I took these? Nice.
Finally, these are the boys' bedrooms. Im not going to post any of my bedroom just cause that is weird and these pics actually show more of their toys then anything else. So this is Michael's room:
It will eventually also be Josiah's room when he outgrows sleeping in Mama's bed.
And this is the big boys' room:
They want their walls painted blue and red, like spiderman. Im not going to get into that until after xmas though so until then, their room is just plain.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Then there was the news that my parents are definately moving to North West Territories. At first they weren't sure if they would still be here by the end of November, but now we know that they'll stay until about the 15th of December. This is nice because it allows us to have a bit of an early Christmas before they leave. Im super close with my mom so her leaving is going to be really tough. She'll be doing her doctorate degree while she is up there as well so she has to fly to the US like 12 times over the next couple years and doesn't think she can afford to fly here much. It doesn't look like she will be moving back in any less than 4 years either. My kids wont even know who they are when they get back, Owen especially. Sigh.
From that sad news to the happy news that my last bf will be moving back here on Sunday. His boss has decided to open an office here and so he is coming back to work there. I wasn't expecting him back until xmas so this is a nice surprise. The weird thing though is that I have no idea if Ill even see him. I know what you all said about forgetting about him but that is easier said than done. So anyway, he is going to be back in the city and on one hand Im happy, but on the other I don't know what to think about it.
The kids were also sick at the start of the week and are just now back to normal. We weren't able to do much of what I had planned this week because of it. So now that they are all better we finally carved out pumpkin tonight. There was fighting and crying, but in the end they were happy with how it turned out. Ive learned that I am horrible with a knife though so they are lucky it turned out at all!
I think the last big thing this week is that Ive been waiting for money from the government. In my province there is a new program where for every child that is born after January 1/08 the parents receive $2200 during the first year. This was only started a week before Josiah was born so they were really backed up with all the births from the first 6 months of the year by the time he came along. Anyway, I received a letter two weeks ago that said the payment had been processed and would be deposited in my account. Problem was, no money showed up. So I called and eventually the woman was able to track down the money for me. Turns out the check was never processed and so she was processing it for me right away. Funny how something that was only supposed to take 6 weeks is going to end up taking 4 months. At least the money will be here now, but Ive been expecting it for the last couple months and it is so hard when you don't know when exactly something like that will come.
On top of everything else tomorrow is Halloween and we just now found Rayden's costume. That has been a stress for awhile because I haven't had a minute to go dig through the storage area in the laundry room and his closet to try and find it. At least that is settled now. I have a bit of treats to hand out but we don't plan to be home for most of the night so I don't have much. I don't want to disappoint the kiddies that have to pass the house though so I may end up just putting a bowl of whatever outside for them. This is the first year that we have a house for Halloween and Im not sure how to deal with it. We always just went through the building in years past so I didn't really have to worry about the weather but this year we are going to my mom's house and all around there with my brother. Oh my, I guess its not a big deal. I just have to remember to get everything ready in the morning so that Im not stressed at the last minute.
Ive noticed that the last few weeks my posts have been so negative. :( Im not sure exactly how to change that around though. Maybe that's just how Ive been feeling overall lately. Hopefully when I get working on that novel and all these surprises stop coming at me, I might get back to a bit more normal outlook.
Happy Halloween everybody!!
Monday, October 27, 2008
The DVD arrived today!!!
The kids were obviously VERY excited
Friday, October 24, 2008
Ive had about a bajillion ideas for blog posts but never feel like writing. I was actually falling asleep the other night trying to get through everyone else's posts.
Im having a bit of trouble with the lady that lives in the basement apartment here and I know Ive got a bit of a fight ahead of me to fix it but I just dont want to deal with it.
like everyone else right now Im stressed about money and worried that I am spending too much. I know all too well what can happen and how quickly when you cant make your bills so Im afraid.
NaNoWriMo starts in a week and Im worried Ill have too much other crap going on to actually be able to do it even though Ive been planning for months.
Sorry about the crappy, depressing post today guys. Im sure Ill be back tomorrow after the party with lots of pictures.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
P just sent me a message dripping with attitude about what they have decided to get the kids. For Rayden they got him an ipod which is what I asked them to get him but they got him the cheapest one possible. Because I didn't hear from them last month about this, I already planned to get him one and a much nicer one than what they picked out. So I told her this because now that I have my budget all figured out and I know what he wants, it was all going to work out perfectly. I have no clue what else I could get him for the same price that he wants just as much and it is really pointless for him to have two of the same thing. But she refuses to change her plans.
So now I can either still get him the much nicer one that I had planned and have him have two or just leave it and let them give him the crappier one. It is great that they would give him something that he really wants because he is usually treated as less than the other kids (because he isn't biologically The Ex's). But they spent three times on Chris as they did on Rayden and acted like I was stupid to suggest an alternative gift that was slightly more expensive.
I just took a break from writing this because she kept sending more texts and now this has turned into a full on fight. She likes to point out that The Ex and I are not a family and will never be. Im just like "Duh! I gave that shit up long ago." She is so insecure about their relationship that it really gets in the way of us parenting our kids. The worst part is that if they had replied last month everything could have been avoided and we wouldn't have had to talk today. She said that she contacted me as a courtesy to let me know what they got but um, isnt that what I tried to do last month? And how the hell is it a courtesy if you aren't willing to work with me to make it the best for the kids as possible? Man exs are hard enough, throw in their jealous girlfriends and there's no winning.
Ive tried to handle this situation the best I can. Michael and I pray every night before bed and every night we thank God for P. She is important in my kids' lives. She will be their step mother in a couple years! I even invited her to Michael's bday party next weekend at our house but she is so resistant. Hopefully one day she will get over this and be a positive addition to this parenting thing.
Friday, October 17, 2008
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share 6 unimportant things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag 6 random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
Ok now this will be the hard part. How do I come up with 6 random things about myself? This seems hard!
1. I count everything I do. If Im walking, I count my steps; if Im rocking the baby in my rocking chair, I count the rocks; if there is nothing else to count, I count the time.
2. I love music and I prefer to always have music playing, but I rarely put any on. Its probably from living in an apartment building with a neighbor who liked to complain, but I just never think to even turn on a radio. Unless Im in the car. The kids and I rock out to all sorts of music while we drive. We also have random family dancing whenever we do think to turn on some music.
3. I hate nail polish. I think it looks horrible on fingers and I cant imagine going through anything more pointless. Toe nail polish isn't as bad, but only with sandals.
4. Ive never really been single before. Ive been seeing someone almost constantly since I was a teenager. There were a few months in between some boyfriends but never was it very long. I feel awkward about my singleness now but I know that it is for the best. I think that Ive been afraid of being alone so Ive just never really let it happen. I kissed a lot of frogs that way.
5. Ive always been positive that I would have a daughter some day. With every baby Ive thought "this one will be my girl." Somehow four boys later, I cant let go of this daughter that Ill never have. I know that I don't want any more kids, but how can I possibly never have a daughter? It just doesn't seem right.
6. I don't like coffee. Ill drink a mocha but I just cant stomach the taste of coffee. It isn't because its too bitter either, I mean I drink my tea black. While Im at it, I cant stand the taste of wine or beer either. Im so not into adult drinks.
So that was crazy difficult. I think Ive been writing for about 35 minutes now? Guh! Alright, time to pass this one on...
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
I look forward to the point when all the kids are in their beds and I can finally sit down for a few minutes and not feel guilty about it. Tonight though I don't know if that is going to happen. And, AND my favorite show is coming on in a half hour. They made me miss the first half of it last week so hopefully tonight will go a little smoother but probably not.
As for the freaking election yesterday, the conservatives got in again and with a pretty high minority. Like has the whole country been hiding under a freaking rock the last few years? Harper has ruined us! Just because he lowered the GST two cents and gave a few groups some extra cash (like parents of kids under 6 get $100/month for child care expenses)does not make him worthy of leading our country for a second term. He will ruin health care and destroy any positive feelings that other countries have towards us. The guy is a slimy douche really. In my own riding, my chosen liberal won out but it didn't really matter because I went back and forth over NDP and liberal for the last month and in the end conservative wasn't even close. My province is the only one that did not give a single seat to those smug conservatives! Um so ya, to sum up I don't like Harper or the conservative party! Hehe
Today has been one month since I moved into my new place. I planned to have pictures to show you all by now but my mom still has my memory card thingy for my camera and without it I can only save like 5 pictures at a time. Tomorrow is her birthday and I will be going to her place so I should get it back then. If I have time Ill take some shots of my messy little house and post em all for you to see. We do have a busy day tomorrow with errands all day and my Momma's birthday so I don't know if Ill actually get online to do so or not.
On Friday Rayden has the day off of school so we are going to a local farm to visit some animals (they have an emu that scares the crap out of me! I wont go in the barn if it is in there so I guess we *might* see some animals), pick out some pumpkins for the party and to carve ourselves, and buy some local, fresh veggies. It will be a fun outing! I obviously don't get a chance to do much with all the kids but where this is outside with lots of room to run and fences to keep them in, I think I can manage. I plan to use the wrap for Josiah, the umbrella stroller for Michael (then Rayden can push it if need be as opposed to my big, bulky one), and both Rayden and Chris walking with our wagon for the pumpkins. Sound a bit crazy? That's cause it is! Ive been thinking about this for two weeks trying to figure out how to make it work. See also: trick-or-treating on Halloween.
So now that Ive been writing this for about an hour and the kids are all asleep, my show is on and Im going to go watch it. Oh wait nope, there's Josiah crying again...
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Yesterday was Thanksgiving in Canada (check out Kristi's blog for a mini history lesson on why we celebrate) so we headed to my brother's place for a feast of yummy turkey. There were 17 people in all including my parents, bothers and their families. I was exhausted by the end of it all but it was a fun time. The kids are getting old enough to understand what the day was about so we spent some time Saturday making thank you cards for each member of our family. Everybody loved them and Rayden was really proud to give them out.
Also yesterday Melissa and I were shopping online, um like we always do and I found a dress that I really liked for cheap. So I ordered it and hopefully it will be here soon and I can put up some pictures of my new 50lbs lighter self! It is definitely too dressy for pretty much anything that Ill be going to but Im hoping to get out at some point to wear it. This just gives me an excuse to plan a night out now!
Speaking of nights out, Im planning a girls night for next month and I just cant wait for it. Im not sure if I mentioned it on here yet but basically I got a call from a representative of some skin product place who said I had won a party. Obviously it is just a way for me to get her some business but since she is bringing champagne and food and providing some sort of activity, I thought 'what the hell!' So now Im trying to decide what I would rather do because there are a few ways that night could go. 1) I could have everyone over while Chicky does her presentation and then we put on some girly movies with lots of munchies and yummy beverages 2) Same as 1 except no movies, more alcohol and downtown afterwards 3)both and encourage those who want to go DT to do so while those who want to stay back and hang out are welcome. I also know a few people who are representatives for some similar catalog type companies and I was thinking maybe to have a few more presentations, you know while everyone is together. Ah, any suggestions?
Michael's birthday party is also in 11 days and Im still stuck on what the heck to do with the kids. Most of them will be 1.5-3 years old so its not like we can do much, but Id like to do some sort of activity. The problem is that the party is Halloween themed and any activities that I can think of are for older kids. The party is only an hour long and Ill have food and pumpkins to decorate with Mr Potato Head pieces so maybe that is enough? Ideas are very welcome!
So that's my post about everything! Im going to challenge myself to a day without internet either tomorrow or Thursday so if you don't see me around, that's why. Happy Tuesday!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Eventually I had all the kids buckled into their car seats and the groceries in the trunk and I headed off to put the cart into those holder thingies. I got there at the same time as the man from the checkout line and so I just smiled and put my cart in. As I started to walk away though he commented on how difficult my life must be with all those boys but that he had a wife at home with dementia and would trade with me any day. He completely caught me off guard and I had no idea what to say. I just mumbled something as we both walked back to our cars and then sat there in mine thinking about what he had said. Yes my kids are difficult and I often wish my life was easier but rarely do I consider the difficulties that others are facing. I assumed that man was judging me for not being able to control all of my kids but inside he was dealing with his own difficulties.
Sigh* I had another couple paragraphs written here but then somehow they got deleted and that stupid automatic save thingy decided to save the post right at that moment. Even if I knew how to undo I couldn't now because the darn thing saved only after it got messed up. I really don't feel like typing all of it out again, mostly because Im feeling very jumbled and my thoughts aren't coming out well. Anywho, if you have a similar story please share.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
And yes, I could have linked to her a few more times but thought it might be overkill... ;)
He hasn't reached many milestones yet, but then again he is only three months old. Im horrible at remembering to give him tummy time now so he isn't even close to rolling over. He tries to sit himself up from laying but obviously cant do it and he ends up looking rather silly.
His teeth are just starting to affect him but not enough to cause much of an issue yet. They could still be months away but he has started sucking in his lips the way that babies do when their gums hurt. I know he will look all the more adorable when those two little bottom teeth come in...oooh I cant wait!
He smiles and giggles freely and will even do a bit of a grunt/giggle when I tickle his ribs. I didn't think my others were this young when they started to respond to tickles, but maybe Im just remembering wrong. I cant wait to hear his little voice babbling in a few months. All those bababababa or mamamamama sounds are so perfect coming from little voices.
Probably the best part of his age right now is that I am the center of his world. Without a daddy, I really am the only important person in his life and he isn't shy about letting me know. I feel such a bond with him that I remember having with Rayden and Michael (Chris was different, sadly). I don't ever want to loose it but Im sure it will be gone in a couple years. This time is so precious and it is passing so fast. I feel like I just cant keep up to the speed of life right now and I want desperately for it to slow down so I can spend just a little more time with my last baby.
*Michael cant say his real name so he calls him Oh-nee and then I rhymed it with baloney and it stuck. Other favorites are Pepper-Oh-nee or Maca-Roh-nee or even bazuzel-butt. I like to stay creative with their name choices for the first couple years. It is to the point now though that it seems weird to say his real name. As long as he looses the cutesy stuff by the time he starts kindergarten though, it should be fine.
Michael had to get in on the pictures! Notice the stickers? He tried to stick them all over Josiah too. Also, these pictures are saved the right way on my computer but they got turned during the upload and I have no idea why.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
We all know how I feel about The Ex and Im not sure how much I've written about the other two, but basically if we put them all together my dating history kinda sucks. I dated other guys in between those three and even since, but because Ive been left with children from them they seem to stick out more than the others. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had stayed with some of the ones that I let go. Shortly before I started dating The Ex, I was seeing a guy that pretty much worshiped me. I could do no wrong in his eyes and for some reason that bugged the hell out of me!* I was completely immature myself and still wanted freedom and blah blah blah so I ended it and within a year and a half, I was engaged and had another kid. But what would have become of my life if I had stayed with him? I ran into a mutual friend of ours on a plane a few years back and she told me that he was doing pretty well with his own company and was getting married a few months later. I couldn't help but think that that could have been me.
Even though I know I probably shouldnt what with privacy and all that, here are some pics of the losers (and no, Im not bitter ;) ):
This is The Ex and I right after Michael was born.
He moved out for good six months later.
But anyway, the point was that for some reason, I just cant seem to figure out this whole dating thing. With four kids now Ive given up on the ideal of marriage and sharing my life with someone. I was worried about what men would think of a single mom with kids from two different fathers before I became pregnant with Josiah but now that I have him...
Last year a few days before I knew for sure that I was pregnant again, I met a man through a parent group at school. He had a baby girl and was there with his fiance. I didn't take much notice of him because I was seeing someone at the time and so was he. After a few more group meetings though, he and I started talking one day while at a bowling party. It was the first we had talked even though we had actually met about 3.5 months before. Anyway, he told me that he and his fiance had separated. He seemed to be having a hard time with it but I didn't respond well and got distracted with the kids. So about a week later I added him to my facebook and sent him a message asking if he wanted to talk about it. Two weeks later we started dating. He knew that I was pregnant and I knew that he had just left his fiance. We talked a lot about how bad of a time it was for both of us to be dating but we did it anyway. Our issues caused lots of problems in the relationship and we both knew that it wasn't working out so when he was offered a job in another province, he took it. He told me Friday night I think and left Tuesday. We had no time to really talk about what was going on and what it meant for us before he was gone.
I did try to end it right away because I knew I would drive him crazy with my jealousy issues. I have trouble trusting people and even though he had never given me any hint of a reason not too, I still couldn't trust him in another province for 6 months.
The problem is that we have never stopped talking the whole time he has been gone. Ive asked him so many times if he thinks about us getting back together when he comes home but he can never answer me. I have no idea what to think of the situation anymore. He says and acts like we are nothing more than friends but then sometimes talks about when he'll be home again and us hanging out. Ive asked him not to talk to me so much on msn or whatever but he still pops up all the time. Im just as much to blame because I talk to him too, but he is the one to start our conversations nine times out of ten. He knows that I want to try again but he tells me that he doesn't; all the while talking to me every day.
Oh my, I think Im rambling. The point of this post is that men suck. Ha! I cant think of another way to put it. Ive got two guys in my past that got me pregnant and then ran. Ive got an ex husband that wont pay child support and fights me on so many issues. And Ive got a guy that cant figure out if he wants to be with me or not. Creepy psycho guy (see below) seems so much more appealing now.
*As a side story: after we broke up he made a video (he and I were graphic arts students) that featured a surprisingly similar-to-me lead character and was filled with sappy love poetry. When he showed it to my class (he was in another one) my teacher and The Ex both figured out that it was about me and kept shooting me weird looks. It was the creepiest thing I have ever seen. He had still images of lots of different places that were relevant to me too; like my church. Ugh, it still gives me the creeps!
So that was really all I needed to declare today a sick day and let everyone sleep in. We all weren't up until 10, which was heaven in itself but also created some issues. First, today is garbage day and ours is picked up at 8am. Now I have to figure out where to put an extra week's worth of garbage until they come around again next week. Also, holy hell do these kids make noise! Both Rayden and Chris seem perfectly fine now, which was to be expected really. If I had sent Rayden to school, no doubt Id have been called to come back and get him at some point in the day. But because I kept them all home, they've been non-stop playing and yelling. I even kicked the two of them outside for an hour earlier just so that Josiah could nap. I swear if I have to say "shhh" one more time...!
Tomorrow, unless he is sporting some sort of weird contagious looking rash, Rayden is going to school. Come on bedtime!
Friday, October 3, 2008
Me: "But where would it get the energy from?"
Rayden: "Well, when Im an adult I'll be a lot more smart and so I'll be able to figure it out."
Ha! That was on the way to school this morning. Last night I was just about to call the kids for dinner when I saw their dad coming up the driveway. Rayden had asked him the day before if he could come pick them up one evening for a little visit, but his dad had already made plans and could possibly do it on Thursday. I didn't hear another word about it and had completely forgotten, which really sucked because I had spent so much time cooking and then had to eat alone. The visit was only for an hour and because he was short on time The Ex asked me to pick them up from his place, on the other side of the city. Really all I did was have my dinner and check a few websites before having to pack Owen into the car and head out to pick them up. It was more of an inconvenience than anything; until I got there.
Ive mentioned before about The Ex's Fiance (we'll call her P now that she is becoming a recurring character), about how her and I have been getting along better and blah blah blah. Well last night she wasn't home and after I got the kids buckled into the car, I asked The Ex what was going on and why he was suddenly acting so harsh towards me. Well, was I surprised when he said that it was P! I've known this guy for a long time and I think I can read him and know when he is telling the truth. He said that a lot of the text messages from his phone are actually P and that she often takes his phone to check up on him. Wow, do they have some trust issues! But back to the story. Apparently, P is really threatened by any contact that The Ex and I have. Even though everything we talk about is kid-related, she still gets jealous and causes trouble for him. I have noticed that he is fine when he is alone picking up the kids but that when P is there, it is all drama. So anyway us having no phone contact is her rule and he is just trying to keep the peace. So it has been worked out that if I need to contact him it will be while he is at work so that she doesn't know. Whatever works, really.
He also mentioned that P and his parents are not getting along because his family wants to include Josiah so that he doesn't feel left out of things that his brothers will be included in. Ive been feeling like they all just want me to go away so that there is no drama but apparently, they are fine with me and Josiah and it is P that is having all the problems. So The Ex was all trying not to be insulting but saying that he wont be investing any emotional energy in Josiah because it would cause issues between him and P but that his family is pushing for that. Man what a situation. He didn't know that Josiah has a sister and that we are trying to work that out so that he has his own other family. Hopefully that knowledge can be relayed and possibly ease some of the tension.
At the end of our conversation I also asked what the hell was up with the Wii and you know he even tried to tell me that Rayden wasn't responsible enough to look after it so it would only come home on special occasions. So I responded with 1) the Wii is Rayden's and so it should stay with him, 2) The adults are responsible for its safe use, not the children and 3)I know that he wants the opportunity to play it too, but that we both paid for it. I have been so worried about this conversation but because P wasn't there, we were able to talk completely normal. So in the end we decided that it will come here this weekend when he brings the kids home and it will stay here for two weeks. Then when the kids go to his place again at the end of those two weeks, it will go back to his place. So like two weeks here, two weeks there but always there when the kids are there. Im fine with this although I hate the idea of packing it up all the time.
All in all, the conversation went over really well and we both were able to see where the other one was coming from. On the way there I was thinking about how important he was in my life for so long and that I will always love him in a way. Not like I did and not like I'd ever want to be with him again; but in a nostalgic, childhood friend kind of way. When I was standing there with him though it was like he wasn't even the same person. He didn't look like he did when we were together. That seems really weird because his looks haven't changed, but I guess I just looked at him differently. That relationship is really dead and he is just like any other person that I may talk to. I would compare the way I see him now to some of the other parents in Rayden's class; I know them and speak with them, but I don't really know all that much about them and don't make a point to talk to them unless the opportunity arises. Last year when I found out that he and P were dating, I could not imagine being where I am now with it. I am so glad though that things have worked out how they have and he and P are together. Now all I need is a man for myself and we'll all be happy! :P
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
So my question to you is how do you handle this dilemma? I know some of you use initials or middle names or even cutesy nicknames. If you do that, what made you decide to use whatever names you chose? Or even better, do you use your real name in your blog or is that a pseudonym as well? Personally, I use my real name. Ive always loved my name and don't want to hide it. I also love my kids' names (well except Michael's, but that's another story) and Id like to share them here but I wonder about it still. Anyway, comment away peoples and let me know your opinions...um, please. ;)
So when I started noticing that almost every item I picked up today had a higher price tag than usual, I was shocked! I mean I know what I pay for cod, yet here I was paying an extra dollar today. Ditto for the veggies. I don't know when everything went up but holy cow are groceries expensive! I left the store having only paid $90 but that was only because Josiah was getting upset and there is nothing worse than grocery shopping with a pissed off infant. I have to go back again tomorrow to finish but Im worried. One of the biggest things that got me through four years of university with kids was convenience meals. Im working on cooking more and cutting out those high priced easy dinners and take out but I still have a way to go and this is making me rethink that plan.