We all know how I feel about The Ex and Im not sure how much I've written about the other two, but basically if we put them all together my dating history kinda sucks. I dated other guys in between those three and even since, but because Ive been left with children from them they seem to stick out more than the others. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had stayed with some of the ones that I let go. Shortly before I started dating The Ex, I was seeing a guy that pretty much worshiped me. I could do no wrong in his eyes and for some reason that bugged the hell out of me!* I was completely immature myself and still wanted freedom and blah blah blah so I ended it and within a year and a half, I was engaged and had another kid. But what would have become of my life if I had stayed with him? I ran into a mutual friend of ours on a plane a few years back and she told me that he was doing pretty well with his own company and was getting married a few months later. I couldn't help but think that that could have been me.
Even though I know I probably shouldnt what with privacy and all that, here are some pics of the losers (and no, Im not bitter ;) ):
This is The Ex and I right after Michael was born.
He moved out for good six months later.
And this is Josiah's father and I on a business trip.
I had no idea, but I was already pregnant here.
But anyway, the point was that for some reason, I just cant seem to figure out this whole dating thing. With four kids now Ive given up on the ideal of marriage and sharing my life with someone. I was worried about what men would think of a single mom with kids from two different fathers before I became pregnant with Josiah but now that I have him...
Last year a few days before I knew for sure that I was pregnant again, I met a man through a parent group at school. He had a baby girl and was there with his fiance. I didn't take much notice of him because I was seeing someone at the time and so was he. After a few more group meetings though, he and I started talking one day while at a bowling party. It was the first we had talked even though we had actually met about 3.5 months before. Anyway, he told me that he and his fiance had separated. He seemed to be having a hard time with it but I didn't respond well and got distracted with the kids. So about a week later I added him to my facebook and sent him a message asking if he wanted to talk about it. Two weeks later we started dating. He knew that I was pregnant and I knew that he had just left his fiance. We talked a lot about how bad of a time it was for both of us to be dating but we did it anyway. Our issues caused lots of problems in the relationship and we both knew that it wasn't working out so when he was offered a job in another province, he took it. He told me Friday night I think and left Tuesday. We had no time to really talk about what was going on and what it meant for us before he was gone.
I did try to end it right away because I knew I would drive him crazy with my jealousy issues. I have trouble trusting people and even though he had never given me any hint of a reason not too, I still couldn't trust him in another province for 6 months.
The problem is that we have never stopped talking the whole time he has been gone. Ive asked him so many times if he thinks about us getting back together when he comes home but he can never answer me. I have no idea what to think of the situation anymore. He says and acts like we are nothing more than friends but then sometimes talks about when he'll be home again and us hanging out. Ive asked him not to talk to me so much on msn or whatever but he still pops up all the time. Im just as much to blame because I talk to him too, but he is the one to start our conversations nine times out of ten. He knows that I want to try again but he tells me that he doesn't; all the while talking to me every day.
Oh my, I think Im rambling. The point of this post is that men suck. Ha! I cant think of another way to put it. Ive got two guys in my past that got me pregnant and then ran. Ive got an ex husband that wont pay child support and fights me on so many issues. And Ive got a guy that cant figure out if he wants to be with me or not. Creepy psycho guy (see below) seems so much more appealing now.
*As a side story: after we broke up he made a video (he and I were graphic arts students) that featured a surprisingly similar-to-me lead character and was filled with sappy love poetry. When he showed it to my class (he was in another one) my teacher and The Ex both figured out that it was about me and kept shooting me weird looks. It was the creepiest thing I have ever seen. He had still images of lots of different places that were relevant to me too; like my church. Ugh, it still gives me the creeps!