Sunday, October 19, 2008

excuse me while I rant a little

Well P is at it again. Last month I sent The Ex a message on facebook asking what he planned to get the kids for xmas so there wasn't any overlap. I included in the message what the kids wanted and what I thought was a reasonable split of the items. I obviously would spend more because they spend xmas morning with me so I am responsible for Santa. Anyway, instead of responding, he blocked me. So we never discussed it again.

P just sent me a message dripping with attitude about what they have decided to get the kids. For Rayden they got him an ipod which is what I asked them to get him but they got him the cheapest one possible. Because I didn't hear from them last month about this, I already planned to get him one and a much nicer one than what they picked out. So I told her this because now that I have my budget all figured out and I know what he wants, it was all going to work out perfectly. I have no clue what else I could get him for the same price that he wants just as much and it is really pointless for him to have two of the same thing. But she refuses to change her plans.

So now I can either still get him the much nicer one that I had planned and have him have two or just leave it and let them give him the crappier one. It is great that they would give him something that he really wants because he is usually treated as less than the other kids (because he isn't biologically The Ex's). But they spent three times on Chris as they did on Rayden and acted like I was stupid to suggest an alternative gift that was slightly more expensive.

I just took a break from writing this because she kept sending more texts and now this has turned into a full on fight. She likes to point out that The Ex and I are not a family and will never be. Im just like "Duh! I gave that shit up long ago." She is so insecure about their relationship that it really gets in the way of us parenting our kids. The worst part is that if they had replied last month everything could have been avoided and we wouldn't have had to talk today. She said that she contacted me as a courtesy to let me know what they got but um, isnt that what I tried to do last month? And how the hell is it a courtesy if you aren't willing to work with me to make it the best for the kids as possible? Man exs are hard enough, throw in their jealous girlfriends and there's no winning.

Ive tried to handle this situation the best I can. Michael and I pray every night before bed and every night we thank God for P. She is important in my kids' lives. She will be their step mother in a couple years! I even invited her to Michael's bday party next weekend at our house but she is so resistant. Hopefully one day she will get over this and be a positive addition to this parenting thing.


Astarte said...

I'm amazed at how calmly you're able to write about this. I think you should either get him something else, or give him a gift card with an amount that would let him return what they got him and then buy the better one, or some of the stuff that goes with an ipod. At least he'll have one, and he's young, so he'll be able to upgrade later on (after this one breaks, which you know it probably will, just because boys are what they are).

Keep treating her better than she treats you, keep to the moral high ground. That way, you will always be able to be confident that you are right, you'll be a good example, and she won't have a leg to stand on to complain about you to anyone. I think you're doing a great job.

Cherish said...

thats good advice astarte! I think I may just get him some accesories and next christmas or something Ill get him a better one. Thanks

Kristi said...

I agree with Astarte. Keep being the bigger person. You can let me hate her for you!! She sounds just awful. I have no respect for a woman who gets in the way of children and their parents.

Alice said...

oh man. one of my best friends has to deal with two different exes for her kids, and they are NOT FUN. you are so right... add in a jealous gf, and it's an even bigger mess. i can't believe you sound as calm as you do. :-)

Amanda said...

Ex's are tough (oh, how I know with Zack's mom).

I agree with astarte, but keep your head up. Keep doing what you are doing (including her in the kids life,ect) and someday she will get hers.

Someday, since you both will be in each other lives for some time to come, hopefully you'll have a civil relationship (even if you secretly hate her; we can create a club).