Saturday, January 31, 2009

Check in

Today ends the first month of 2009.

Well, duh.

But, Im pointing this out because I though I should do a little review of my goals for this year, just to keep myself accountable. So, just a brief update as to where I am with everything:

1. Write a million words
My total so far this month is a lousy 10 342. I had high hopes to accomplish more but blah, blah, didnt get done. To stay on target I need to write 85 000/month.
2. Cut my credit card debt in half
I havent touched this one at all
3. Find a boyfriend
Im hopeful that this will happen at some point this year, but certainly not this month. I've met a couple more guys but no one Im interested in pursuing.
4. Find a Job
Im making progress with this one. I have a few contacts lined up and it is certainly a possibility over the next few months. I had originally decided to stay home until June though, so we'll see how it goes.
5. Start my second degree
I think I've actually decided to hold off on this. The application would have to be completed by next week and Im just not feeling it right now. Maybe next year?
6. Get back to enjoying being a mom
I've had a really good month with this one. I know I've had my moments but as a whole, I am much happier and calmer with the kids and we are doing a lot more things together. It's been nice.
7. Loose the weight
Im on track, I think. More on that here.
8. Join the Y
9. Start another blog
Done, with another one on the way...
10. See a dentist
Again, the answer is no
11. Be more social
I would have to say that I havent made any progress here either. This is getting sad...
12. Eat better
Yay, this one is true!
13. Get organised
I've been using my Ultimate Mom's Calendar that I recieved awhile back as a PIF and that has really helped. Everything is in one place and I can see my schedule a lot better than I used to. I've also organised my desk and started to go through all of the old boxes of kid clothes.

I dont think I've done too bad so far. There are areas that will need more work in the coming months, but Im moderately happy with my progress.

How about you? How have your resolutions/goals/hopes been going so far this year?

Friday, January 30, 2009

He likes it!!

Thank you so much to the people that commented on this post. I have tried a few of your suggestions and Josiah is finally eating real food! Im still breastfeeding him before each meal so when he does eat, its not for hunger but to get him used to tastes and textures.

I tried the little mesh feeder thing (recommended by St) with apples and as long as Josiah remembers that he has it in his hand, he goes mad. Applesauce is something that I didn't try with him yet so I don't know if he just liked the taste or the ability to feed himself. Either way, it worked and he is now sucking on chunks of apple a couple times each day.

And before I say what else he is eating, let me just say that I know he is a little young for it. I also know that he shouldn't be having the flavored varieties. But the little guy just loves 'sharing' mommy's vanilla yogurt! He was watching me snack on some and so I gave him a little taste. Next thing I knew, he was crying because I wasn't shovelling it in fast enough! Crazy.

Today at lunch I thought I would try one of his jars of strained foods, considering how well he has been doing with other things lately. I've tried him on banana before, but it was a different brand and it seemed a bit more chunky. It was also regular baby food and the one I tried today was organic. I have no idea if the brand made any difference, but again he was smacking his little lips! I started out with only about two teaspoons and had to put more into his bowl before I stopped. Im sure he would have kept eating but I needed to attend to the other kids, so I gave him one of his biscuits instead.

So far, that's as far as I've gotten this week: apple chunks in his mesh feeder,vanilla yogurt, strained bananas and baby biscuits. What a change from last week. Yay!

Monday, January 26, 2009


Today my car finally bit the dust. It is dead and will not be coming back. I am fine with this.

What I am not fine with is the fact that my car decided to break our relationship while on the way to a work meeting. I haven't met with my co-workers in months and today I ended up being 25 minutes late for an hour long meeting. What a way to show that I am committed! Involved! Ready for more responsibility!

The next few weeks without a car will be challenging but for the most part I feel like my mental health is a lot more stable now than it was over the summer. Back then I couldn't handle much change and I was always feeling overwhelmed. Now I seem to take each new issue with ease and although I may struggle a bit, Im doing really good.

Im also really feeling like Im ready to get back into working. I have been slowly working through the testing and layers for the government job that I mentioned months ago, but I have no idea when or if that will pan out. Instead Im looking at my options right now and feeling out what my next move will be.

The only thing I know is that I wont be jumping head first into something tomorrow. Im rebuilding my life and I need to be careful that I have a strong foundation.

So good riddance car! You didn't fit very well into my new life anyway.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

17 years, 5 months and 15 days

So my last post was written Wednesday and I just basically said that I was hopeful that I had finally stumbled upon something that was going to help us all sleep a little more. Well, fast forward to that night. You know, the one where Josiah kept me awake until 5:30am with his constant SCREAMING. OMG I have been a walking zombie since. Just getting through the days was a challenge.

Last night (Saturday) Josiah was still quite fussy but the older kids are with their dad this weekend so we were able to stay in bed until noon. Thankfully, Im finally feeling like myself again. The only downside is that the kids come back in a little over 2 hours and I have a huge list of things that I wanted to get done this weekend. Sigh, so much for a relaxing weekend to recharge.

I guess I can always do that in another eighteen years, right?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A nap sounds good right about now

Im feeling a little scatter-brained today so this will be a short post.

Awhile back I decided to stop letting Josiah sleep in his swing and tried to move him to his crib preferably and my bed occasionally. As it turned out though, Josiah wanted nothing to do with his crib at night time and instead wanted constant access to the milk bar. I've been a walking zombie trying to share a bed with a kid who wakes to eat at least a dozen times in the night. I wouldn't really wake up much when he would cry because he was in the bed with me and all I really needed to do was re latch him. The constant interruptions to my sleep though were horrible. And so it went every night until a few days ago.

Fast forward to about a week ago when Josiah started to really chomp down on me after a few minutes of a feeding. He doesn't have any teeth yet but they are coming and he likes to chew. So in the middle of the night sometime I had had enough and so I got up and put Josiah into his crib with a soother. I fully expected him to pull it out and cry at me to put him back into my bed, but he didn't. There wasn't even a peep from him for a couple of hours.

Being the dense, sleep-deprived person that I am, I didn't even notice that this might be a time to try to get him to sleep on his own. He has been getting easier and easier to put down for naps in his crib, but still I didn't even think about any of it.

Last night though it finally hit me. If I feed him and lay him back in his crib with his soother, he goes to sleep without much fuss. Granted, he still wakes up way too often for my taste, but this is definitely a step in the right direction. Last night he was awake twice between 11 and 8 and both times I put him back in his crib after his feeding. Easy peasy.

Except! I am so much more tired now. I think having to keep myself awake for those ten-ish minutes and then getting out of bed to put him back into his crib is having a bigger tole on me then the constant waking. Im hoping that this is only temporary, but we'll see.

In other news, Josiah had his 6 month boosters yesterday. He was a champ and only cried with the second needle. I gave him some Tempra when we got home, but I don't think he even needed it. He has slept a lot since then, but he has been sleeping a lot anyway for the last couple of weeks so I don't know if that's related. He did really well.

He is 16lbs now, which I thought to be quite small. His length is in the 65th percentile but his weight is only in the 25th. The nurse and I agreed that it probably has something to do with his refusal to eat ANY solid foods and his constant moving. When he sits in his highchair, he does this thing where he pulls himself close to the tray and then throws himself back. Its like rocking, but with much more force. The kid is crazy, I tell ya.

I've tried everything I can to get him to eat but he just has no interest in it. He used to eat rice cereal but he out right refuses to eat it now. I think the trouble started when I had to force his antibiotic on him for his ear infections. He hated the taste of it and hasn't let anything but breast milk (oh and crackers with sugar and everything else a 6 month old shouldn't be eating) enter his system since.

So far, I've tried peas, green beans, sweet potatoes, peaches and bananas. The bananas were both the jarred variety and bits of a fresh one. This morning I let him kind of suck on my banana which he did enjoy, but then he chomped down and bit off a big chuck that needed to be removed from his mouth. When I mushed some up for him though, he didn't want it. All I can do is keep trying, but its getting a little worrisome.

So much for my quick post! I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the feeling of change that seems to be present in both America and all over the world this week.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Breastfeeding, a Shout-out and Babysitters

Do you guys read Indigo Girl? If you don't, then you totally should. I think I've been reading her for over five years now (OMG) and I never get tired of her posts. Whats amazing about her is that she almost always responds through email to my comments. I rarely even respond in comment form to my comments so that is major impressive to me.

Her most recent post is about bfing and weaning which could not have come at a better time for me because of my thoughts about totally being DONE with bfing myself. Her post though made me think about it and maybe I can just stick it out a little longer. Im at a stage now where the feedings are supposed to decrease and the solids should increase (although Josiah has not gotten THAT memo yet). If I can get Josiah to not wake up 3+ times each night to feed then I think I can keep my sanity and see this thing through. And as Linda pointed out in her response email, formula is expensive and I hate the idea of spending money on it.

On to other topics though, I am in the process of hiring a babysitter. I've always used family members in the past but they have all come to points in their lives where they are no longer available. My problem though is that this is seriously hard. Most of the people that have responded to my ad are only available in the evenings (which I do need) but my biggest issue is for day time. This week I need someone to watch one or more kids on Monday afternoon for two hours and on Tuesday afternoon for three. I cant guarantee any hours at this point because it is totally a casual thing, but that is causing issues in just finding someone.

Then there are the considerations for how much experience/references I need from them. I've had very young people respond to my ad but I don't think I would feel comfortable leaving them alone with 4 kids, especially one of them being only 6 months old. Then there are the people that respond with messages that barely make sense. Do you really think Im going to trust you with my kids if you cant even put a sentence together?

Oh! And how much should I pay? Im trying to keep a flat rate that wont change whether there is one child or all four but I have no idea at all what that should be. Minimum wage around here is something like $8.50 I think? So using that as a guideline, what would you pay?

Friday, January 16, 2009

[Inset creative and witty title here]

I sent of the plain white box PIF over a month ago and yet it has still not arrived. I assumed it would take some time because of Christmas, but I would never have thought it would take this long. I sent off another PIF after that one and it arrived what, over a week ago? Jeez.

I shouldn't really be surprised though. I mean I sent three Christmas cards to people in the US and all three of them were late arriving because the envelopes were ALL ripped open. Coincidence? I really doubt it. The mail system is something we should be able to trust and yet that's a big fat NO. I ordered something from an etsy shop back in August that never showed up and was never returned to the sender. Thankfully she sent me out something else and it did arrive for Christmas, but it sucks because she was then out the money for the second item. I also put in an order in November from a different etsy shop and it too has not arrived. I don't know why but more often than not, if a package or whatever has to cross the border something goes wrong. Maybe I should just stick with strictly Canadian shipping :(

On another note, thank you to everyone who put your two cents in about the flu shot issue as well as the birthday party issue. I've never had the flu shot myself and Michael is the first of my kids to get it too. Im always hearing all this hype about it and it seemed like more people got it. Personally, I tend to shy away from these types of things but thought that maybe I would give it a try this year. I have decided to withdraw Josiah from the study though because I think he is probably just too young.

Chris's birthday party will either be at the arcade or we'll do the swamp theme. He would prefer the swamp but Im not sure I want to put out more money AND have to deal with the clean up. The other option is that I pay double (more like $350) and have the swamp party at the fluvarium which is a building where they have diverted a river so that you can go underground and look right into the river through these large windows. It would certainly suit the theme and I wouldn't have to deal with the clean up but it is probably too expensive. The Ex might help cover the cost of the party but even then, Im not sure I want to put out so much. I think it is a great idea and certainly something I will consider for a later year when Im sure more kids will show up.

As for his gift, Im still completely unsure. I like to plan this far in advance because it takes some serious re-working of the budget and I prefer to take a little from each month rather than the whole thing in one month. The only idea that I've had so far is a themed tv/dvd set for his bedroom. I don't really like the idea of tv in their rooms but with the growing family, maybe a second tv wouldn't hurt. Other than that I haven't come up with a single thing but I guess I still have a bit of time to decide.

Anyway, thanks again for your input.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Birthday planning, Again

Chris's birthday this year lands right smack dab on Easter Sunday. At first I thought that this would be a really cool little quirk and in some ways it is but at the same time, logistically I don't know what to do. Chris is actually really excited about it so I want to incorporate the two special days into one as much as possible but Im not really sure I want to go as far as an Easter themed party. The idea is certainly neat and I spent some time thinking about all of the things that I could do with it, but most of it would just make the actual day redundant. Like I would probably do an egg hunt as an activity for his party, but then would the real hunt the next day be less fun?

So my thinking is that I will go ahead and do some other sort of party on the Saturday of Easter weekend, which will be the day before his real birthday. He will be in pre-school by then so we will invite his class and his cousins to the party and probably just have a family day for Easter/his bday. I cant decide if I want to put out the money to go somewhere for his party this year or if I should just arrange one at the house. Most kids don't show up to house parties unless there is something really special going on so if I go that route it would be a swamp theme. The main attraction would be this guy that brings live animals (snakes, reptiles, other equally gross things) in and does a presentation with a chance to actually touch the creatures. Sounds perfect for a 5 year old boy and his friends, right? I've looked around online and come up with a plan for decorations and loot bags but nothing for the food yet. The only down side is the clean up and possible no show of guests, plus the $200 price tag.

The other option is one of the many places in this city that do children's parties. The arcade would definitely be a hit and it would probably run me about $150. We had one of Rayden's parties here and it was one of the best birthday experiences we've had so far. Other options include a dinosaur theme at the Geo Centre which is a building completely underground with rock for walls ($150), A Movie Party at the local theatre($160), Swimming at the local Pool ($165), Science Experiments at the Science Centre (unknown), Glow-in-the-dark Golf ($170) and Trains at the Train museum($225).

I still have no idea what to actually go for and Chris changes his mind ALL THE TIME so I really don't know what to pick. Any thoughts?

Also on the same note, I have no idea what to get him as a gift! He doesn't really have many interests other than video games but I want to down play that as much as possible. Maybe some educational things that he could play with to get ready for school next year? What would you expect a five year old boy to like?

A Question

Last month Michael had his first of four appointments for a flu shot study that I have enrolled him in. Basically the gist of the study is that Canada and Britain use two different amounts of the shot for children and yet there has never been any sort of study to tell which amount is more useful. So both Michael and Josiah are enrolled in the study, but so far only Michael has actually had the shot. We were waiting until Josiah was 6 months because that was the minimum age requirement for the study and Im thinking also for the shot itself. Maybe?

This afternoon we were supposed to go back for blood work and whatever else for Michael and the actual flu shot for Josiah. But then this morning Michael woke up with a fever and hasn't yet eaten a thing or moved from the couch. So I cancelled the appointment. Now Im wondering if I should even go through with the whole thing for Josiah. At first I was all 'Hell ya, free flue shots!' But now Im questioning if it might not be a good thing at that young of an age? I don't know much about all of this but I do trust the doctor and I've read all of the literature that they gave me.

Next week Josiah will receive his six month immunizations and if I go through with it, his flu shot as well. Is that too much? It wont all be on the same day but maybe its just not the right time for him. This is all time sensitive as well so Michael has to go in next week period. If Josiah doesn't get his shot next week, then I don't think I would do it because who wants to make two monthly trips to the doc?

So I am asking you wise internets for your opinions. Do you or have you ever given your children the flu shot? Is six months too young? And, is it too much to have the six month shots as well as the flu shot in one week? And...go!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


While making my breakfast a few minutes ago I was contemplating what to write about this morning as I have a few ideas rumbling around in my head that never seem to come to light. I considered all of those as well as the events of my morning thus far. But when the words 'EPIC' (that just cant be written in lowercase) and 'FAIL' came to mind, I decided that I am a teenager and should just shut the hell up about my problems already. I mean really, who else uses those two words more than the 14-17 cohort? I left teen lingo behind long ago, when I became a mother and I don't plan to go back.

So! Let me distract myself for a little while. Miss Grace posted some questions last week as a meme and has emailed me some of my own to share with all of you loverly (<---not a typo :P) people.

1. If you could be anyone for a day, who would it be and why?
I was actually thinking about this a few days ago and all I could come up with is that I would want to be a guy. How great would it be to actually see the world from their perspective? Talk about understanding the opposite sex! Seriously though, I think I would prefer something completely different to my own life. Maybe a member of some sort of tribal society or Asian farmer? I think the main thing would be to just experience something completely different, and yet from the inside. But I guess that is my inner sociology major coming out...ethnography to the extreme!
2. What do you do to relax and de-stress?
Lately, I've been feeling like smoking every time I get stressed. I quit finally for good during the pregnancy that I later miscarried in 2005. I hadn't even wanted a cigarette until the last two months, maybe? So Im glad there haven't been any around because I may have just picked it up again. Whats cool about my stress is that it never lasts long. I am quick to anger or stress over something but it is gone just as fast as it comes on. I do like to just shut myself away from everything for maybe a half hour though to just read a magazine in peace. Sometimes just keeping busy tidying or whatever helps as well. I think my biggest treat though when things are overwhelming is to hang out with my SIL Melissa though. We always have a laugh, what ever it is we are doing.
3. What would you do to your worst enemy if you had the chance to do anything you wanted, but had to live with the knowledge of what you'd done?
I don't have any 'enemies!' That makes it sound like Im some super-spy secret agent...
The only person that I can think of that I truly dislike is P (The Ex's fiance). She treats me horrible and she doesn't accept Rayden as one of The Ex's kids. Just writing that makes me want to rant about it. *Breathe* Ok! Even her though, I wouldn't want to do anything to her. I think she is kind of a good thing for The Ex and provides stability for the kids. I doubt there is anyone better that would be interested in The Ex and so I cant even say that Id want to break them up. I guess I'll just have to pass on this question.
4. If you had a time machine that you could only use once, would you go backwards or forwards, to when and why?
Id definitely go back. If I went forward, there is a possibility that I would miss something big or that I would loose the chance to spend time with someone that may die or whatever. Going back would just allow me to enjoy all those moments that went by too quickly. As for a time that I would go back to, it would have to be sometime before my eighth birthday which is the day my grandmother died. She was my second mom and I've lived my life since wishing that I had had more time with her.
5. If you could commit one crime with a guarantee that you'd get away with it, what would it be?
Wow, my brain just went nuts thinking of things. With every one of them though, my stupid morals would get in the way. It would have to be something that broke a law that was really stupid. What the would be though, I have no idea.

And now its your turn. If you would like to play, email me (at cherishblog at gmail dot com) and I will send you your own set of questions.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Part Two

Mommy Daisy left a comment on my last post suggesting that I pick one or two things that I know that I can get done each day so that I will feel productive, but not overwhelmed. This is somewhat the strategy that I used before Josiah was born. I had school and work commitments then though so its not like I had any less to do. But I would make sure that I did something from each of my main categories each day. That way I didn't feel that I was neglecting anything in favor of something else, which works well until you get too far behind in like everything. My categories at the time (in no particular order) were: 1. cleaning 2. school 3. work 4. kids 5. house 6. me 7. errands 8. cooking.

Basically if I found time to do some laundry; write a paper; work on some event; play with the kids; do a non-daily chore; pluck my eyebrows; make a trip to the post office and cook a healthy supper, I felt like I had a good day. I would lay in bed that night happy that I was able to do something from every part of my life. DO YOU KNOW HOW EASY IT IS TO GET BURNT OUT LIKE THIS? I actually lived with this as my ideal forever! I don't know why I didn't just say that like 3 days each week will be cleaning and two will be errands or some crap. Instead I always had huge lists of things to do in each category and even though I felt like I was doing good, I also never felt the satisfaction of having any one area completely finished or guilt-free or whatever.

So, I think I am going to take Mommy Daisy's advice and pick a couple things to do from a few categories, every day. My categories have changed now though so Im sure there will be some rearranging and such. Actually now that Im thinking about it, I think there might be just more categories now. Well, lets see. I would need to replace school and work; so in place of them I can add writing and exercise. Josiah can just be added to the kids category but I think that needs to be broken up into two because there are all the regular daily things that I need to be doing with them (baths, playing, crafts) but then there are all the big things that Im working on with them (Chris's kindergarten prep, doc appointments [oooh! another topic for another post], potty training, sleep training, introducing foods for Josiah). I think another category could go to some sort or life planning because I spend a lot of time thinking about those things. An example would be the degree that I was going to start in September requires that the application be submitted in four weeks.

So my list now looks like this: 1. cleaning 2. writing 3. exercise 4. kids 5. house 6. me 7. errands 8. cooking 9. other kids 10. life

erm, wow *reminds myself that I do not need to do ALL of these in one day*

Well today so far I've completed a couple of things already. Its a little after 2 in the afternoon and I have to leave to get Rayden in about a half hour. Before I do that, I still need to have a shower (yes the one I never got to yesterday...Im a dirtbag).

1. nothing...
2. well this is my second post today
3. I shoveled the driveway again this morning after the plow rudely pushed a bunch of snow back into it. It was only about fifteen minutes total and that was broken up into two sessions, one before I brought Rayden to school and one when I got back...maybe do a little more later?
4. Chris and Michael and I made muffins and I actually let them really help
5. I took apart our table today and put it into my storage room. Then I brought up our new table from my brother and put it together. Before I could actually put it in place though, I noticed the gook that had built up around where the kids ate and so I scrubbed the walls and floors (hands and knees people!) just in that area
6. nothing....
7. I actually have a few things to do when I go to pick up Rayden, but I also have some very important phone calls that I have been putting off and that must get done today
8. left-over stew tonight, but I did make those muffins
9. nothing...
10. nothing...

So I guess by my new approach, today has been successful. It doesn't really feel like it but this is about baby steps :)


Sometimes I think it may be impossible to find a happy balance in my life. With all of the little things that go into running a household and taking care of four kids, I have to make a point to fit in time for other things or they just wont get done.

There are always places in the house that need attention, errands that need to be run, phone called that need to be made, kids that need to be bathed, whatever. So if I spend all of my time working on my to-do lists then I should have this feeling of accomplishment, but no. The last couple of days have had me moving constantly from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed and yet I didn't actually go anywhere. My to-do list is still about 30 items long and Im seeing no end in site. For everything that gets crossed off, another two things get added. This part I am fine with.

What is killing me is that I am going and going and going but I've spent very little time actually with the kids. Chris has kinderstart this year which is a once per month day at school to familiarize him to his classroom and teacher for next year. His next session is this coming Monday and we haven't even opened his bag of activities that we were to practice at home. Or there's this folder that I keep at my desk full of artsy things and coloring pages that I mean to do with the kids, but again I never get around to it.

Then there is the time for myself. I am a single mother with four kids. If I do not take time for myself, then I will not be able to function, like period. This is important. BUT my problem is how much time should I be taking? If I try to have a shower, exercise and have some computer time all in one day, Im probably asking for too much. I used to have my evenings after all the kids were in bed but Josiah has kinda stopped sleeping so I don't actually get quiet time until I am asleep with him beside me.

I guess it all comes down to priorities, but I just cant actually say that one thing is more important than the others. To me everything in my life is important right now. I have goals and ideals for my life and the lives of my children but without the time to put into those, they are nothing but guilt inducing thoughts. So what do I do?

My current strategy is to just do whatever each moment allows me to do. Yesterday I had to go out to shovel the driveway three times for a total of almost two hours. I obviously could not commit to all of that at one time so I did it when Josiah was napping and the other kids were all occupied. I also made a homemade beef stew yesterday as well as all of my regular laundry, dishes, other mundane chores. So yesterday was nothing more than just living really. I got nothing special done from my lists and I spent very little time doing anything with the kids. I had Michael help me with the stew but hes two so it was more like he played at my feet while I chopped veggies. I tried to have a shower all day but it just never happened because all of my free time (and by that I mean time without a baby/load of laundry/various kid belongings in my arms) went to shovelling. I didn't have to worry about getting time for exercise because of the shovelling but that's about the only productive thing that I did. I even had to get my computer time in by stuffing my meals in my mouth with one hand and typing with the other.

This is just not working for me and I don't have a clue as to what I can do about it. My thoughts keep going in circles and like everything else I think it may come down to money. If I had my evenings back, I would have a lot more time to accomplish both things around the house and personal things. To get those evenings back, I need Josiah to sleep better so what could I do to make that happen? Should I give up breast feeding because I am seriously not enjoying it anymore and the switch to formula may help with the night time sleeping? I would have switched by now if there wasn't the issue of the cost of formula. Breast feeding is cheap and convenient and with my current time and financial crunch, should I really be taxing myself more? But then again if Josiah was formula fed, I may end up getting more time because of a more regulated sleep schedule. Gah!

Then there is the issue of my car. I mentioned that it is going to scrap at the end of the month for a variety of reasons really. I have another car lined up which is a million times better but that needs a couple of small things before I put it on the road. Those couple of small things equal about five hundred dollars, and that is on top of the four thousand that I need to pay for the car itself. So ya, financially Im not having the best month. I completely believe that this is not the time for me to go back to work but I still wonder if we would be better off. A little bit more money would help around here but then at the same time, holy hell the scheduling and GUILT of trying to fit everything in then would be killer.

I know that things change quickly and the organization of our house could be different next week but I feel like I need to make some changes now. I need to find more time with the kids doing things that are fun for them and not just helping me. I also need to get some of these really pressing things crossed off of my to-do list. Maybe if I can just find some way to add an extra hour to my day? I already get less than seven hours of interrupted sleep each night so I doubt I can cut any more out of that.

Ive been sitting here trying to figure out a way to end this post but my breakfast is gone, my tea is cold and the baby has been napping for a half hour already. I honestly do not have time to sit here and think of something to say! Fitting, I think.

Monday, January 12, 2009



Mommy Daisy wrote a little somthin' today asking everyone that reads her blog to comment. its a way to encourage those lurkers to come out of hiding, I guess. When I commented I told her I would put the same thing on my blog and wouldn't it be cool if everyone that reads a blog about de-lurking today did the same thing?

Also Mommy Daisy is sick so lets start a neat-o chain and show her some love...

Ups and Downs

Yesterday was a wonderful day. I woke up around noon and spent a quiet and productive day at home. Today; not so much.

The kids were with The Ex Saturday night and so I stayed up way too late watching movies with Josiah (ARGH, will that child just pick a sleeping pattern already!). This is why I was able to sleep until noon; a rare occurrence, I assure you. Within minutes of getting out of bed though, I had the music going, baby playing, tea steeping, and me? I was organising! One of my goals for this year (I refuse to call them resolutions) is to be more organised. Obviously this goal was for the entire year and so I cant just clean out the closets and call it a day. But I can take continual steps to living a more organised life and that's what yesterday was all about.

My living room was certainly tidy when I started but somehow I managed to spend the entire day cleaning just that one room. I like to have a tidy space when the kids are gone so I usually spend the few hours before they leave making sure that at least the main areas are neat and clean. I still have no idea how it turned into a whole day affair, but Im glad it did. I don't think I have ever felt so comfortable in my home as I did today when I got up. I moved furniture, organised my desk (OMG!), washed every surface, hung pictures, and on and on the list went. I was busy until a little after one in the morning, which makes for about 13 hours in one room. Holy Crap! I feel so comfortable in here now though, I want to spend all of my time in this one room. Now if only I can find the drive to continue such a deep cleaning of the rest of the house!

It would have been nice if my mood had continued on until today but um, no. I woke up today to a big ol' snowfall where I was happy to have a shovel inside the house because when I opened the door, there was a bit of a mountain. I decided when I first woke up not to bring Rayden to school today because our street hadn't been plowed and I would have had to spend about an hour digging out. That along with getting the four of them ready would have meant about a 10:30am start time which would have been fine if my car was actually reliable. I don't have snow tires on it and there is something wrong with the transmission. Basically its going to scrap at the end of the month but it will have to serve me until then. I use it when I really have to but this morning, there were just too many negatives so I called it a snow day and went to sleep for another 20 minutes.

Of course having Rayden home means NOISE (omigawd the noise!). He is a spirited child and has the ability to create havoc where ever he goes. The other kids and I have mostly quiet days while Rayden is at school, but if he is home things are very, very different. It's a little before noon and Ive already reached my limit of shushing the monsters.

Ive also figured out that this is why my writing has been so crappy lately. I cant even string a few coherent words together with the noise that goes on around here when all the kids are home. But here I sit, trying again to write with a fussy Josiah in my arms and constant yells from the older boys' bedroom. Oh and Barney, gotta love those Barney songs.

OK Im going to give up for today, I've got another half of the driveway to go and shovel anyway. So to recap: Yesterday, so great! Yay; Today, Shitty

Friday, January 9, 2009

Can she be any worse?

I mentioned in my last post that the woman downstairs had moved out a few days ago and that seems to be the case, except that she hasn't totally left yet. I saw a moving truck here the other day and watched them fill it so I assumed they were moving. Everyone left that afternoon and didn't come back that night so I felt that this confirmed that she had in fact moved that day. So the next day when I came home with the kids, I parked on her side of the driveway. (Actually its really my side, but I let her have it because I was worried that the kids might hit her car with their doors) So then last night after I had gotten all the kids in bed, the doorbell rang. Usually I don't answer the door after dark but I looked out and saw her car in front and answered it anyway. Without even a hello, the woman says all bitchy 'Can I get in MY driveway?' I should have just told her that No, I could not leave my children alone while I move it over ONE SPOT! I wouldn't want anyone reporting me, after all! But because I hate conflict, I went out and moved my car over.

For the next hour, she felt it ok to vacuum, bang around and play music even though she knew the kids would all be in bed. Then she left. Hasn't even been back since. So instead of just parking BESIDE my car in her ORIGINAL spot, she had me go out, move my car so that she could be here for an hour cleaning. She could have parked on the road for that matter!

I don't want to offend anyone for this, so please do not take this the wrong way as I have no issue with anyone's chosen religious views. I believe though that all of this negativity comes from the last time I spoke with this woman and informed her that I am divorced. She had asked if my husband worked away and I told her that no, its just the kids and I. She is Jehovah's witness and I have no idea if they are against divorce (Im assuming) or not. But it seems that ever since then she has just been really horrible towards me. Before that she was always negative saying one bad thing or other about her apartment, the weather, what-freaking-ever; but never about me.

I think that she is gone for good now, but I have no idea. Im afraid of her coming to my door again, so I don't want to take my spot back but at the same time, I don't want whoever moves in to think they can take it either. Im just glad to have her out of my life and hopefully who ever moves in down there is nice. Neighbors are hard, but sharing a house can be a lot worse.

Oh, and before I go I just wanted to thank you all for supporting me with the last post. It was a very difficult few days but things are pretty much back to normal now. My car is fixed (kinda), the kids have antibiotics, and Ive managed to clean everything except the older boys' room (which I still refuse to do).

Thursday, January 8, 2009

In which I compare my life to a Simpsons episode

Do you remember the Simpsons episode where the family has all these freak things happen one day ending in the kids being taken and Homer and Marge being accused of bad parenting? Well, that was pretty much my experience this week, other than the being taken away part. We did have visitors that had the authority to take the kids if they saw fit, and thankfully they most certainly did not.

Michael got a cold shortly after Christmas that has continued to linger but hasnt really bothered him much until the other night. Right at bedtime he started crying, almost screaming and WOULD NOT STOP until 5am. That same night, Josiah decided to do the same but with no visable symptoms. Michael was pulling at his ear and telling me his head hurt so I assumed he had an ear infection.

Anyway, because I am a single parent, I had no one to stay with the other kids while I brought these two to the emergency room. Because of that fun fact, I spent the entire night either going between bedrooms or rocking both of them on my lap in the rocking chair. I would literally just calm one kid down then go down the hall and calm the other one before returning to calm the first again. This lasted for THE ENTIRE NIGHT, no lie. I had some pain medication that I was able to get into Josiah, but when I tried to force it into Michael, he just ended up puking all over himself, me, the chair and the floor. It was a lovely night.

Previous to all of this, my car broke down while I was out with all the kids trying to get a few groceries. At this point it still was not fixed and so the next morning, I decided to keep Rayden home from school instead of arranging for rides. I hoped that maybe we could sleep in a bit but apparently, that just does not happen. They were all up and good to go for the day by 9. Michael and Josiah were still feeling sick but they were mostly ok. With the house a complete mess and all the kids home, I decided to just take the day and lay around doing the bare minimum. The kids were dressed and fed but thats about as far as I got.

So of course when I heard loud banging on my back door (still cant figure out why they didnt go to the other two doors?!) I kind of panicked. They told me that a complaint had been registered that the mother of the home had been gone since New Years and that there was a woman at home with the kids who was letting them cry. There was also talk of men coming over everyday for a period of one hour each. I was obviously confused but handled the situation to the best of my ability. We sat in my messy kitchen to discuss the complaint while this rather large man was in the living room with the kids. I explained everything (I was home, but my car was at the shop; the constant crying was due to my being a single mom and two kids being sick; and the men? that just confused the hell out of me! I have five brothers, most of whom drop by to help out with various things. This past week Ive had three of them here at different times and otherwise, I dont have anyone else ever here. The complaint made it sound like prostitution which just blows my mind. *

I assume the complaint came from the woman downstairs who I have barely spoken with but who does know that I am a single mom. Why she would think to put in a formal complaint about the safety of the kids instead of coming up to talk to me, I have no idea. She is nuts and Im glad that she moved out yesterday!!

Part of the process was that each child had to be interviewed seperately as well, in their room. Of course I have a horrible time convincing the older kids to clean their room and I refuse to clean it myself. So needless to say, it was a disaster zone as well. After the kids' interviews, the woman came back to speak with me saying that none of the reports had been confirmed by the kids but there were a couple issues brought up. The one main issue was that one of the older kids said that sometimes there isnt any food in the house. I explained that it must be because for the last 24 hours, we had been out of juice and pre-packaged snacks because I didnt have a car to restock those items. I also explained that to fix the situation, the kids and I had baked muffins and that my pantry/fridge/freezer were all full of food. The woman did not listen and continued to tell me about food banks and such. To me it made perfect sense for me to run out of something because I had no car and no way to replace it. By the time they came by one of my brothers had picked me up a few groceries anyway and everything was fine. It was just one of those things that made me feel icky after basically proving to them that everything was fine, which it totally was.

The other issue was the mess, which they did say was understandable with four kids and my being up all night. They noted that it was messy, not dirty so thats not as bad. Knowing how these things work though, the state of the house will go in the report as well as the fact that I was still in pjs at 2 in the afternoon and hadnt had a shower. I absolutely hate dealing with these people even though I have rarely done anything wrong. And yes, by that statement you can assume that I have dealt with them in the past. Actually, this was the...let me count...fifth time. Its unbelievable because only one of those times was it ever actually about me. I dont want to go into the details about all of them at this moment (because those are topics for other posts) but I'll say that one of those times was The Ex getting back at me for a fight. I dont know how parents that are actually abusive to their kids can go undetected for so long and yet here I am getting investigated again and again for stupid things that do not in anyway make me a bad parent.

*Even if I did have different men over every night, how would that make me a bad mother, unworthy of looking after my children? Whose business is it who I have over as guests?

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Things to pass the time

Because I have literally felt like laying in my bed and doing nothing for the past week, Ive spent a lot of time watching videos online. I thought Id post some of my favorites here even though the humor in them is only funny to like just me, or something.

The Phillip DeFranco Show

you can tell I've been watching way too much Phil by my constant use of the term "douche" as well as "bitches be crazy" If anyone wants to buy me a gift, like of the show's shirts would be particularly cool. Oh, and maybe I should warn you that he isn't exactly G rated.

Dr Horrible's sing along blog

"Freeze ray...tell your friends" Its a must-watch if you like Neil Patrick Harris. I actually came across this in the summer when it was first released but I had to include it because I think it is a rare internet gem. Also, Im a horrible fan; captain hammer is a dill weed.

Ask a Ninja

I love how fast paced this is. That's all I have to say.

OH! Ive also developed a slightly irritating yet highly amusing little thing called insomnia. Don't you wish you were me right now?


Ive been feeling so BLAH lately and I couldn't figure out why. I have no desire to do much of anything even though it is the new year and I have all these goals I want to start. Usually when a time like this comes along, I charge head first into it and then slowly taper off. This time though, Im just not feeling it. I haven't wrote anything, I haven't been eating all that great; hell, I've barely put the effort into getting dressed each day.

So after lots of thought, I finally figured it out...Im PMSing. Holy hell does that suck! Im still in the post-baby stage where things are really messed up and I can go from one extreme to another in like no time so PMS hits bad. With so many babies in the last 7 years I haven't had all that much time to deal with this business and now I get to pay for it. UGH

So, I hope you all enjoyed your holidays and Ill be back in a couple of days when I don't feel like ripping someone's head off :) Luv ya