yesterday, tomorrow

So it has been a year. Last July I was living in a shelter and last July I began this blog. Thankfully the shelter is a distant memory, and the blog is still kicking along.

I am amazed at how much can change in a year and yet how incredibly LONG some changes take. It really does feel like Im light years away from the place I was last summer and yet when I try to think of specific changes, not many come to mind. Take for example my mental health. I was obviously messed up last year and although I feel like Im no longer living in a dark world of complete shittiness, I cant say that Im not still depressed. I can still feel the anxiety try to grip me and sometimes I have to be careful to not let it.

Im still unemployed, not sure of the future and financially scared to death. My kids still require much more of me than I can give. Im a full 35lbs heavier than I was last fall.

And yet, my life IS better. I am happier overall. The depression is still there and can sneak up on me sometimes, but overall, Im OK. I've been getting out of the house more and actively working on our future. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I KNOW that one day we will be out of all of this mess and stress.

Maybe next July Ill be looking back and thinking about how incredibly different and satisfying my life has become! Or maybe I'll be saying the same as I am now.

Life goes on and the years will pass by; regardless of whether or not I make the changes I want in my life. So for today and for tomorrow I will keep putting one foot in front of the other and trust that eventually, with enough work, I will be living the life I dream of.