I don't want to down play any of what I said in the last post because it was all real. I do however have normal moments where those things are not on my mind. That's where I wonder if it is PPD because its not an all the time thing. It is certainly often, I mean I have those thoughts and feelings daily, but they do not consume all of my time. I want to say thank you to those of you who commented, your words and offers are appreciated.
I assume my outlook will improve when I find a house and have my own space again. As it is, we are a family that is attached but also apart from another family that we live with. We can not function as our own unit like we used to because we are just too much involved with my parents and brother. Hopefully it will be soon. Ive been looking for places to rent for the last two months but the problem is that any place that is big enough for five people is too expensive. Even since February when I first started renting my last house, places have been going up at a really fast rate. To find a similar place I would have to add another two hundred or so each month. There is really no way that I could afford that and it would have to be temporary because the heating costs in the winter would cause the same problem. On top of that is the fact that for every house, there are about five families needing it. Landlords are getting their choice of tenants and a single mother of four kids who isn't working at the moment is not an ideal candidate. The government housing that I applied for seems to be my only hope. They have recently put a lot of money into upgrading the units and so it shouldn't be as terrible as I first thought they would be. Other than certain things like rats and mold, I don't care so much anymore because we just need a place.
I have a family social worker that is helping me to get into a unit as well. She actually works for the same department that would do our equivalent of CPS but in this case she is on my side. She has found a contact within the government housing department who she can get inside info from. If I call, I just get the standard answers and they tell me nothing specific. She called me today and was surprised that I hadn't heard from them by now. She was speaking with her contact last week who gave her the impression that something would be happening in the very near future. So with me not hearing from them by today, she thinks something may have gone wrong. That's not what I wanted to hear, but she will call them again tomorrow and let me know what happens. Basically, if I am going to have a place before October I will be hearing this week.
So enough about that stuff! Its time for the fun! First, I bought my gift to myself number two AND three on Sunday. I first bought a pair of jeans that were on sale in one store that I really liked. Then we went to another store that had an even better sale so I bought another pair. I didn't realise until I got home that the first pair were super low rise (yikes!). Josiah had been crying when I picked them up so I didn't want to bother trying them on even though I haven't bought jeans in this small of a size in at least 10-12 years. Anyway, I got them home and they fit but wow do they feel weird. Im not used to my whole belly and hips being above my jeans but I like them so much that I have to keep them anyway ;) My belly is still a bit squishy from the pregnancy but hopefully that wont take too much work to tighten it back up. My mom warned me that it may not happen though since this was my fourth child but we'll see. The second pair is one size smaller than the first and they fit just as well. They are cut more like I would have normally worn so they are more comfy than anything else. I don't have any pics at the moment, but I may add some another day.
And now for the really fun stuff!!!! I won a PIF contest a couple weeks ago and now it is time to do my own! Oh, what fun! Ive been waiting for the chance to actually post about it but since this is a special one, I had to wait to actually receive my gift before I could. I am going to do a separate post for that though and hopefully I will finish it tonight, but I cant promise anything. Stay tuned!