Monday, November 24, 2008


What do you do when you find the man of your dreams, only to find out that he doesnt want you? M is everything Ive ever wanted in a man and yet he does not want to be with me. I feel the same way about this situation as I do about having a daughter; It just doesnt seem right, or possible. I thought that my wanting a daughter so badly and having four kids would kind of mean that I would have a daughter. I still dont understand why I will never be allowed that. Growing up, I just assumed I would meet my Mr. Wonderful and we would be together. Since then Ive been through a few really bad relationships so I knew that the fairy tale was actually a fairy tale but I still never thought that I would be in this situation. How can a guy that seems so right for me be so wrong?

Everyone else that I have ever dated has had some good things and some bad things and I had to decide what was important to me and what I didnt mind giving up. M has everything though. He is seriously perfect for me except that he doesnt love me. I just dont understand how that can be. Ive blamed myself for every little mistake Ive made over the last year since I met him and wondered what I did wrong. But that is silly. I know it's silly to think that Ive done something wrong. Most likely Im just not the person he is looking for, and not that there was something I actually did.

Ugh, I know Im rambling, but this is the kind of stuff that goes through my head when I think about him. And I think about him a lot. Knowing that he is back in town now scares me a bit too. What the hell am I going to do if I run into him? Man, I am not good at this stuff. I just keep asking myself, or God or whatever why this is my life? Why cant I have it easy and just have this man love me? Just Why?

1 comment:

Kristi said...

This is such a hard situation. I wish there was more I could say. It sounds cliche, but if he doesn't see how wonderful you are then he's not worth the stress you're putting yourself through. The right guy is out there. He'll show up when you least expect it, and he will love you and your boys without all of the extra drama. Hang in there. Don't be so hard on yourself!!!