questions

What do you do when you find the man of your dreams, only to find out that he doesnt want you? M is everything Ive ever wanted in a man and yet he does not want to be with me. I feel the same way about this situation as I do about having a daughter; It just doesnt seem right, or possible. I thought that my wanting a daughter so badly and having four kids would kind of mean that I would have a daughter. I still dont understand why I will never be allowed that. Growing up, I just assumed I would meet my Mr. Wonderful and we would be together. Since then Ive been through a few really bad relationships so I knew that the fairy tale was actually a fairy tale but I still never thought that I would be in this situation. How can a guy that seems so right for me be so wrong?

Everyone else that I have ever dated has had some good things and some bad things and I had to decide what was important to me and what I didnt mind giving up. M has everything though. He is seriously perfect for me except that he doesnt love me. I just dont understand how that can be. Ive blamed myself for every little mistake Ive made over the last year since I met him and wondered what I did wrong. But that is silly. I know it's silly to think that Ive done something wrong. Most likely Im just not the person he is looking for, and not that there was something I actually did.

Ugh, I know Im rambling, but this is the kind of stuff that goes through my head when I think about him. And I think about him a lot. Knowing that he is back in town now scares me a bit too. What the hell am I going to do if I run into him? Man, I am not good at this stuff. I just keep asking myself, or God or whatever why this is my life? Why cant I have it easy and just have this man love me? Just Why?