down, not up!

My dress arrived today. I had just walked out the door to run some errands when I saw it in the mail box so I was disappointed to have to wait to try it on. When I did finally get home I rushed right into my bedroom and tried to throw it on only to find that it was too small. I noticed at first that it made my hips stick out really weird but then I couldn't even get the zipper to go up past by boobs.

I felt so discouraged and wondered if I had possibly gained some weight back so I climbed on my scale only to find that I have gained a whopping 7lbs in the last two weeks! Holy Hell Batman! Ive always bounced around with my weight but that is a really big jump for such a short time and it has me worried. Ive totally let my diet go and I haven't exercised in awhile so it really isn't a mystery as to where the lbs came from but still. I thought I could slack for a little while and maybe just stay where I was instead of losing; I didn't think Id actually gain.

So now Ive got those extra 7 so get rid of as well as the 1 that I still had to lose to hit my 50lbs mark. My target weight is now 28 lbs away and that feels like an impossible goal at the moment. I know I need to re-evaluate and re focus on my weight loss goals and not give in to the feelings of failure, but that is seriously hard. According to my calendar, if I were to get serious again and lose 2 lbs each week, I would have my 28lbs gone by the first few days in February. That seems doable. If I were to go a little slower and loose 1 lbs each week, I would hit my target weight in the second week of May. This also seems doable. I don't want to pressure myself to loose too much in too little time because I know I wont stick with it but Im also so sick of being overweight. It took 3 years to get to that 49lb mark and right before I actually hit the 50, I ended up hitting a snag. I want to feel that victory and I want to feel the even bigger one of hitting my target weight.

I know that weight isn't the best way to measure any of this either, but it helps to have an actual number that you can see and work with. I have no idea how many extra inches I have on me and so saying I want to loose 4 inches off my waist isn't really accurate. I could guesstimate but that isn't really productive.

I think the first step is to pass on anymore Halloween junk and get back on track with eating properly. The exercise has always been an issue for me and I tend to find excuses not to do it. My excuse now is that I don't want to drag 4 kids into the Y to get the membership forms that I need to fill out and I never have a good time to go there without the kids. So I just haven't been there to get them even though i started talking about it over a month ago. If I had just done it then, I could have at least started there and the kids and I could go every day if we wanted to.

Ok enough of a rant...I should actually be working on my novel